Thursday, March 30, 2006

kabhee

Alone in the dark

कल रात चांद से बहस हो गई।
चांद ने कहा आजकल मैं उसे निहारती नही,
कभी कभी पलट के भी नही देखती।
और इसी झड़प में कुछ भला बुरा भी कह गयी मैं।
शायद बुरा लगा हो उसे।

आज चान्द आया ही नही मेरे गगन में।
बहुत देर इन्तेज़ार किया मैंने।
उस वरान्दे के कोनें में,
जहां वो मुझे रोज़ रात मिला करता।

अब अकेले बैठे, मनाने के तरीके सोच रही हूं,
क्या कहके मेरे चांद को समझाऊं?
क्या कहके उसे अपना प्यार जताऊं?
कैसे बताऊं कि उस्से ज़्यादा प्यारा मुझे और कोई नही?
कल मिलने को कहूंगी तो क्या वो आयेगा?
शायद...
मुझसे मिले बिना उसे भी तो नींद कहां आयेगी!?

चंदा मेरे, कल भी तेरा यहीं इन्तेज़ार करून्गी।
आना ज़रूर...
तेरे प्यार को मन तरसता है।
तेरी खुशबू की प्यास अब और नही सही जाती।
कम से कम अपनी एक झलक ही दिख़ला जाना।
इतनी भी क्या नाराज़्गी?
कि अपनें ही प्यार को अकेला कर दिया?
who is the moon and who is the lover that remains to be seen.......

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

kathakar

i have a story maker in life... a person who makes these lovely entwined creeper like stories....



they get complex by the day and they tangle and untangle at various points..
its a story that i hate tell people...but some just have to know....people or characters that have to know the plot...know where they came in.
well the maker always happens to be my best friend....GOD...
i just happen to be the main character
wierdly it has become more in the lines of a teleserial....u know like the story builds up slacks and thats wen it becomes boring...then another problem walks in like a villian and wow here is the TRP back into place....


hmm and thats where the main character starts collapsing...so much for trying to be independent.....i always remain dependent and wanting to have people in my life...searching for my own support system whether the support is there or not..
advices i wont take....i am my own decision maker (lols thats what it seems to me)
but i need a continuous support system .....
and thats where i start getting dissapointed about my support collapsing
well this remains my grunge ....

Sunday, March 26, 2006

10 things

i am writing this to just remember the good things in life...lately i have been concentrating on the other aspects
this one for the people i love ...things i love abt them
wil be a long read....

A. MOM
  1. adorable(specially wen she is irritated)
  2. independent
  3. honest
  4. perfectionist
  5. hard working
  6. very dedicated
  7. loves us a lot
  8. expects a lot out of us...always waiting for us to do things better
  9. strong willed
  10. forgives easily (just thoda patana padta hai)
  11. cooks wow....yum
  12. creative
  13. really very beautiful

B. DAD

  1. understanding
  2. strong
  3. loves us a lot
  4. creative
  5. forgetful like me
  6. solves all the problems in a jiffy
  7. back bone of the house.....saari ladaiya suljhate hain
  8. works very hard
  9. believes in love and family
  10. honest
  11. encouraging
  12. always smiling
  13. doesnt let us know about any problem he is facing just to let us have every thing we ever want....(this is true abt mom too)

mom and dad


  1. they are the best parents a child can have
  2. always loving
  3. they know what's right and wrong
  4. they are ready to listen to my tantrums
  5. they can do any sacrifice for me and my bro
  6. they are ready to forgive me for things i cant forgive myself for
  7. they are both very encouraging sometimes to the point of pushing
  8. they balance me out
  9. they have spoilt me into always depending on them
  10. they have taught me to face anything in life with a smile

C. SAM

  1. his honesty
  2. street smartness
  3. mad about music
  4. he is very caring specially wen im unwell
  5. knows wen i need to be hugged
  6. loves me a lot (i think )
  7. he loves his family a lot
  8. (some secrets i can't reveal)
  9. he is a very giving guy
  10. he is very neat and clean(which i can't at all)
  11. he is a romantic and he cant agree to that
  12. he is damn talented
  13. he is as dreamy and imaginative as me
  14. i just love him a lot...dont really know why
  15. he loves me as much as i do

D. TINTIN

  1. well ahem, he is my adorable brother
  2. smart and tall and goodlooking
  3. he is a very understanding brother
  4. hmm acts a lil older than he is
  5. cooks fairly well
  6. supportive
  7. a lil mad
  8. my badmashi partner
  9. my best friend
  10. the only guy in the world i know i can do anything for
  11. has s gr8 sense of humour

E. VAMSI

  1. very charming
  2. extremely hard working
  3. talented
  4. smart
  5. has such a beautiful voice
  6. such a gr8 frnd to have
  7. can love a person the way he/she wants
  8. caring and loving
  9. mature
  10. a great writer
  11. knows wen to hold you and hug you
  12. can love without any wants
  13. emotional and yet practical
  14. i just love him too...ssooooo much....just for being vamsi

F. ADI

  1. He is very sweet
  2. very emotional
  3. a great listener
  4. gr8 poet and a equally good writer
  5. he is like this guy i like to talk coz he thinks beyond what others do
  6. believes in love
  7. enjoys the small moments of life
  8. good looking
  9. can laugh at his own pains
  10. can make u smile at silly things
  11. can make u see things that u have closed ur eyes to.....
  12. is very charming
  13. is a child at heart

G. DEEPTI

  1. a gr8 poet
  2. a good thinker
  3. an adorable woman ....really
  4. a very good friend in need and in deed
  5. a gr8 person to talk to about anything
  6. book worm like me
  7. romantic
  8. dreamy and mad like me
  9. understands me well
  10. can smile about the things which are trivial
  11. a very positive person

H. JHUM AUNTY

  1. she is very sweet
  2. very understanding
  3. one of those people who can handle bad things and good things with ease
  4. a gr8 mom and a gr8 woman
  5. hard working
  6. young at heart
  7. laughs easily
  8. she is very charming
  9. sings well
  10. acts well
  11. honest too
  12. one of the few elders i confide in

I. RUSHABH and AGOM (cudnt put them in different categories)

  1. fun loving
  2. very ambitious
  3. romantic and very loving
  4. talented
  5. very open hearted and loving to each other
  6. gr8 frnds
  7. gr8 to share my good times with them
  8. bad times generall get forgotten with them
  9. remind me to stay young and really forget about the tensions of life
  10. they are as mad as me
  11. very positive people
  12. extremely giving

well i dont what i got out of this writing but i just wanted to this....just to remember you guys i love so much

if i missed out anybody i am sorry i do love u guys ...but these are my favourites.....

and tagging u guys

http://delhidreams.blogspot.com
http://peenuts.blogspot.com/
http://perceptinglife.blogspot.com/
http://roshan18.wordpress.com/
http://www.loyalgurl.krify.com
http://www.pgdvirus.blogspot.com
http://www.spidey.krify.com/
http://www.drippingocean.blogspot.com
http://www.rikgittok9.krify.com/

p.s. - pheebee..i love you too so need to know a lil more about you to write....atleast 10 things.....

Saturday, March 25, 2006

vaise some msgs

easy jee
can u pls tell me who u are...im not really known for m patience....and well im a lil too curios.....for some time i thought it is pheebee but is iT?..i still think it is...well me confused and i need answers so pls pls pls easy reveal urself.....if not anything go to my profile AND MAIL ME...pls pls pls...."isfman"i like that name more than easy.....

and adi...moonlight in paris...wen am i invited to that walk.....and a lot of talking...missing u harry

my love...missing u too, wish u wud'nt be so far away...need to talk to you too..i dont mind a no moon with u or a full moon or even sun.....just 'u' be thr...may is a lil too far...hugs and kisses...

and sam puch....not able to live without u....its becoming a lil too false for puchie to exist without her sweethard hubby.....wish i cud have ur love back like it was...i dont like the silences from ur side..i hate this punishment.....dont kill me in installments...please....(wonder he reads at all) loads of love......

pyaar...

ज़िन्दगी तो जी ली है हमने भी,
अब उस नींद का इन्तेज़ार है,
जो प्यार होते ही कहीं गुम हो गया था।
उन खुली आंखों से सपने देखने का सिलसिला,
अब लगता है खत्म हो तो अच्छा है।
अब लगता है शायद सफ़र खत्म हो चुका है।..
अब आंखें बंद हो जाये तो अच्छा
सपने गुम हो जाये तो अच्छा
सपने अच्छे नही लग्ते।...
कुच्छ सपने अब उभर के खुरेद रहे है पुराने गम।
अब हसना शायद मुम्किन न हो।
अब बस वो गेहरी नींद कोई सुला दे मुझे।
अब फ़िर न मैं उठू ।
बस और नही डरा जाता मुझसे।
_____________________________________________
layers are building up...dreams have ended....im torn whether to go where my heart leads me...for once i want to defy my heart....sorry for being so wierd these days guys...i wish i knew wat it is that has happened

Thursday, March 23, 2006

kuchh ankhule khat

and somehow i remembered today, that i have a lot of unopened letters in life...letters that i have read and ignored.. known them to be true and yet burnt them.....
known i wud want to see them and yet closed my eyes to those words etched in them.... letters i wrote to myself...

now those letters have been buried, deep beneathe the fortress,
news is fortress may start building higher...the foundation stones are strong enough it seems....i have to make it light proof now.... which in itself is a lil difficult for me....u see i have no helpers.... adi that wil answer ur questions

Saturday, March 18, 2006

trying

हमारी ज़िन्दगी कुछ ऐसी गुज़्री,

कि हम समझ ही नही पाये,

क्युं जीये जा रहे हैं?

ऐसे भी क्युं खफ़ा है हमसे खुदा,

कि एक रत्ती भर हसीं देने में,

मुकर्र जाते हैं?

ऐसे कौनसे गुनाह कर दिये हमने..

हमारी ही झोली खाली कर रहे हैं

एक हसीं की गुज़ारिश कर रहें हैं..

मुन्किन् हो अगर टो कुछ रंग भर दे ॥

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

brooding on words

a lot of words actually
of a lot of people

colors on walls

"banwara man dekhne chala ek sapna......
banware se man ki dekho banwari hain baatein...
banwari si dhadkane hai..banwari hai saanse....
bawara man dekhne chala.........ek sapna
banwara man....."
hazaron khwahishe aisi....OST

aur ek mera banwara man hai ki, jo aajtak sapne dekh raha thha, dheere dheere sapno se darne laga hai...
now its scared of dreaming...it has started building walls to not allow the dreams to penetrate...it hurts to stay alone but it is too scared to face anything now...
darkness is seeping in...i dont have any provision for light...or maybe so,e one is pumping in the darkness.how hard it is to build up these stone walls....what lies hidden...i cant say....and these walls are being painted with the colors i used to have, suddenly those colors have become black and white....stark...
and people refuse to recognise me...
today is holi.....and i hate these very colors im supposed to love.....suddenly black and white have become my life...and yet someone called "my love" peeps in a with a tinge of the rainbow in to m life...and my heart stays in turmoil....there are colors of promises and dreams i cant help but believe.... and this mad heart starts dreaming all over again.....and im stopping it from getting outta hand.....
i dunno y i am so scared
maybe my fears are like that
wierd....i feel wierd as my colors are gone from life....and they again seem to be seeping back in....can i stop them?

Sunday, March 12, 2006

tagged by adi

hmmm..it takes kinda long to do this but anyway will do it
and adi has taken very long to pass this tag along


  • SEVEN THINGS TO DO BEFORE I DIE
  1. slim myself up(believe me that means i need to be immortal for that)
  2. bike up to ladakh and down to kanyakumari in one single trip
  3. start painting...(a canvas with a riot of colors)
  4. buy a small bunglaw(like those we paint in our childhood paintings....complete with a red roof and a lawn)
  5. adopt a girl child (and bring her up on my own)
  6. buy a suv and go on my honeymoon trip on that (oh that includes getting married)
  7. go on a cruise....( to nowhere)
(may be i can include this......pass my first year of my college for once)
  • SEVEN THINGS I CAN'T DO
  1. Be practical (always live and feed on dreams)
  2. be mean (i have tried that and i end up hating myself)
  3. stop missing SAM(hmm .....for those who know me self explanatory)
  4. drive (:( waaaa still not learnt...just know how to drive my kinetic)
  5. be focussed(lols that's next to impossible for a rackous woman like me)
  6. stop making a fool of myself (if i stop that ,i would stop being aparna)
  7. be silent(well thats like a conception acc to my frnds...wen i stay silent..they crib thr is something wrong with me...lols so dont like being questioned)
  • SEVEN THINGS I LOVE IN MY MATE (hmm...beware these are things that used to be thr...no longer applicable)
  1. he is SAM...he is really like perfect
  2. he does not have to say he understands, he just does
  3. he is as mad abt music as i am
  4. he balances me out ...im mad ...he is sane
  5. he needs to be loved(believe me none of my/his friends can imagine him behaving childishly but he does..he loves to be pampered)
  6. he takes care of me like im a princess
  7. he loves me as much as i love him
(probably i dint deserve as much of him as i got...may be somebody else needs him much more than i do)
  • SEVEN THINGS I WOULD LOVE IN MY MATE
  1. He should be sam with a few changes
  2. love me for what i am ...noit what he wants me to be
  3. be a lil more caring and loving
  4. be a lil more expressive abt his love
  5. always shud not look at what im worng at...even if he does subtely change it
  6. not leave me and just go..wen he knows i need him
  7. not be ashamed of me infront of his friends that im his gal...or atleast not make me feel so
  8. have a lil more supportive parents
  9. be able to balance things....in life....
  • SEVEN SONGS I LOVE
(ahem very difficult for me)
  1. Kahin dur jab din dhal jaye(anand....and the bengali version of the same song)
  2. love will keep us alive(eagles)
  3. tu hi re (bombay...OST)
  4. jhoka hawa ka ( hum dil de chuke sanam...OST)
  5. nahi saamne ....(taal...OST)
  6. foolish games (jewel)
  7. black (pearl jam)
  8. hazaron khwahishe aisi (ghalib)
  9. wonderful tonight...and tears in heaven(eric clapton)
thr are so many that i have lost count
  • SEVEN BOOKS I LOVE
  1. short stories...satyajit ray(in bengalii learnt the language to read him)
  2. harry potter (well please dont laugh...i love HP's magical world.)
  3. alchemist (and why not? its so simple with a whole lot of my beliefs in thr)
  4. anton chekov...short stories (well words are not enought to say y i love them so much
  5. sherlock homes(for more reasons than one)
  6. love story -eric segal.....(i am romantic i cant help it)
  7. ruskin bond(i love reading him in any form)
  8. ayn rand 'we the living' (...keep living )
  9. thr are so many others....the short contemporary stories by indian authors
thr are many more i cant even think of them right now....
  • SEVEN MOVIES I LOVE
  1. Anand ( why not? thr is no other movie that has made me cry...i cried and smiled at the same time) i love all other hrishikesh mukherjee films....starting from anari to chupke chupke to jhoot bole..
  2. notting hill(i'm a true romantic..heeehee >blushes)
  3. paheli....welll amazing shots
  4. black (for the same reason)
  5. dil se and bombay...mani ratnam films i loved
  6. andaz apna apna and hera pheri and liar liar(serious laugh riot)
  7. rang de basanti...one contemporary film that made a hit to my gut
  • SEVEN THINGS I SAY
  1. What the f***!
  2. a whole lot of abuse(in hindi and engish)
  3. oh damn!
  4. life sucks
  5. life sucks more than i know
  6. "i'm a bitch"
  7. i dont give a damn...
  8. sam this... sam that....
  • SEVEN PEOPLE I LOVE A LOT
  1. my bro
  2. dad
  3. mom
  4. sam
  5. ashrit
  6. my love
  7. Jhum kakima
  8. sweetu and dee
  9. rushabh agom
  10. mohini ma'am
  • SEVEN THINGS I love to DO
  1. DREAM and fantasize
  2. READ and WRITE
  3. miss sam...and love him ofcourse
  4. SPEAK
  5. travel
  6. sketch
  7. and the last and not in the least....music...sing breathe and live
  • SEVEN PEOPLE I AM TAGGING
  1. http://perceptinglife.blogspot.com/
  2. http://roshan18.wordpress.com/
  3. http://www.loyalgurl.krify.com
  4. http://www.pgdvirus.blogspot.com
  5. http://www.spidey.krify.com/
  6. http://www.drippingocean.blogspot.com
  7. http://www.rikgittok9.krify.com/
whoa still tagging not happening