love u.... hate u....

My dear maddie,

why cant we be as simple as an illiterate man (untouched by the curse of "KNOWLEDGE) and percieve GOD as an all encompassing embodiment of love and compassion. That will solve most of our problem (dilemna). When we pray to god to have him in fact what we try is to achieve godhood ie acquire love and compassion for everything including NIFTians and A******* and M**** Dont they have a right to get it?

Papa

it was a reply sent to me after i sent my dad a poem.....

GOD as an all encompassing embodiment of love and compassion....and yet at times it seems that he becomes veangeful doubting god....he needs to check. or do i myself do that?

i dont know, there are too many situations that i never could have got into but he made me get into it. outta the blue....there are times when i couldnt have got into any situation but he got me into it....for what? for making me stronger?...has it not shattered me more than powered me with more faith?

i have always tried to love everyone around me .....even those i hate ......even those i cannot forgive...but then i keep that behind and try and see the love .....can't .....i then say to myself that i can't hate ....god has not made me for it ....so hating i can't but the loving too i can't ...i try to stay impassive.....and yet again this entry is about "I" "I" "I"......

from rushabh to me..... part-4(last)

If there is one answer i have found of life... it is the fact that i wanna end each day content... and i wanna die content with what i am... you are far from that... and will get further if you go on like this... be cheerful... be happy... its what its all about... its what we all want... a cheerful happy end... its what we read in books and what we see in movies... its what we dream off... happy endings... for that that there has to be a happy begenning and a happy life... change your path... explore everything uknown and pull it apart... everything except what you are trying to pull apart... YOURSELF... now you have been out on this wierd road and turning into an aparna i dont like for the last few months... get a fuckin grip on yourself and get back... lighten up... let go... and just enjoy life for what it is... not what it could have been... enjoy it because in 'Walt Whitman's' words... the answer to life is'That you are here—that life exists, and identity; That the powerful play goes on, and you will contribute a verse.' what will your verse be aparna... u are a part of this play... this game... its all perception... if u think this play is a tragedy and sad it is... if u wanna think its funny and fun loving... it is... thats what i feel it is... fun... light hearted... like the serial 'friends'... everything is a joke... a parady on life... its all meant to be smiled at... do u have the courage to do that appu... smile at the saddest of things???... you do that and the answer is yours... take care...
Your a good person appu but a very very lost one (ha ha)... i hope you find your way back because i cant help you... no one can... its all in your hands... and your hands only... only you can help yourself...
rushabh
My verse is 'Life is a just a Game... and My God!!! i'm gonna Play it'

from rushabh to me..... part-3

and last few months i have seen you taking your self into that whirlpool of the unsolved and you think you'll emerge a wiser person... let me tell you a secret... you wont... you'll burn out and die... dont try soo hard... relax... let yourself wonder free... a mans thoughts are at its peak when he's content... not exactly cheerful... but content... and ma'am you are a mighty far cry from content... start having fun... just do what you love and dont question or explore people and their behaviour and their mind... untill you find your own mind and yourself you are extremely foolish to go exploring others and why they do what they do... you find your self... what aparna is and the rest will click into place... dont try too hard to find yourself either... it will come in time naturally... the harder you try the longer you'll take... simple law of life... so get drunk... party... stop getting such complicated thoughts about your carrer or Sam... let things move in the flow at their own sweet pace... life is a journey... not a fuckin destination... what the hell will you get to the end and do... if tomorrow i wake up 42 years old and the lead singer of a band with 80 million copies sold and three grammys in my room... now what.. i'm rich, famous, girls love me, NOW WHAT?? where does that put me... ok... so now i'm all i ever wanted so i might as well go out have a pizza with my buddies and girl and have some fun...what else... i have reached and now i'm bored... its the getting there that important... the path... not the arrival... like a jigsaw puzzle as you manage two or three pieces... the others will fall into place and one day you will have the whole picture... try and force the pieces and you will break them and they will never fit and you'll never see the whole picture... get it... Now get cheerful... do what u wanna do... stop thinking soo much... now your mind is workin in the 'burn out' zone... your exhausting it... k... just scream once let it all out then just free yourself of all burden of thought... free fall... and the answers will find you...

from rushabh to me..... part-2

man over centuries has found answers to everything and anything in this world... space and beyond... but after all those lightyears... what still confuses him the most is that little 50 grams between his ears... the human mind... and it shall never be cracked... never... thats the way its meant to be... now there are two ways of you learning this... either you learn the hard way at you're deathbed and 87 years of age that you are no closer to the answer then then you were a good 65 years ago... that is now... in fact you're further away from it (the answer) and still craving and looking... or the simpler (more advisable way) to stop trying to solve these puzzles... stop loking for answers... and over a period of time the more you forget about the questions and looking for the answers... the faster and automatically by some unknown means the answer will come to you... its like a musician... you can force yourself to sit down with a pen and paper and try and write down lyrics for a song and it just dont happen... hours and hours the pages and torn and thrown away... the music and words are in your mind but they just dont come out... they stay in there... moving... teasing... then when you just give up... days later... in a bus or in the loo it just hits you and u write down within twelve minutes what maybe the best lyrics you have ever written... answers to life are like that...

from rushabh to me..... part-2

man over centuries has found answers to everything and anything in this world... space and beyond... but after all those lightyears... what still confuses him the most is that little 50 grams between his ears... the human mind... and it shall never be cracked... never... thats the way its meant to be... now there are two ways of you learning this... either you learn the hard way at you're deathbed and 87 years of age that you are no closer to the answer then then you were a good 65 years ago... that is now... in fact you're further away from it (the answer) and still craving and looking... or the simpler (more advisable way) to stop trying to solve these puzzles... stop loking for answers... and over a period of time the more you forget about the questions and looking for the answers... the faster and automatically by some unknown means the answer will come to you... its like a musician... you can force yourself to sit down with a pen and paper and try and write down lyrics for a song and it just dont happen... hours and hours the pages and torn and thrown away... the music and words are in your mind but they just dont come out... they stay in there... moving... teasing... then when you just give up... days later... in a bus or in the loo it just hits you and u write down within twelve minutes what maybe the best lyrics you have ever written... answers to life are like that...

from rushabh to me..... part-1

rushabh has over the last few months become a very close friend .....not the kinds who u spend a lot of time bitching with ..but the kinds who u spend quality time with! hav a lot of fun!also a great guy to call up when u feel like crying but dont want to...he has an uncanny ability to make ypo laugh over sadest of jokes.....anyway i think thats enoiugh of introduction and lines wasted over a single person.....just that this entry is the first part of him mail to me.....i think he put down the whole thing he had in mind very well....(*aplauds rushabh) and also put in the essence of a very good perspective(*kapil answering you)...here goes....

Hey, whats up!!! i just read you blogs... impressive i must say... very true... very touching... very sad... but you missed out the main point... You missed out the core to all these questions... the base of this spiral of thoughts and ideas... What you missed out is the fact that everything you go through IS... what we call... LIFE... Yes, you're right... in a thousand years you will never be able to find answers to the doubts and questions you have inside you... tearing you from within... the probelm is that you're trying way too hard... So fuckin hard that the answer is right there with you but you're pushing it away... The more you try and reach out for it the further it goes... Babes this is one thing in life you have to understand... There are things in life with no answers, no explanations, no reason, no logic... and the harder you try to get them the deeper you will be pushed into the unkown... untill you reach a stage where you know the answer to nothing... nothing is what is seems and everything is a question... a lingering doubt of what its true identity is... You see... the reason why life is called life is because it is what it is...