Fair and handsome Hrithik Roshan? Not you too!

It is so disappointing when an actor you have liked and respected for so long goes to the dark side. Well in this case the 'light' side.

Indians have a racist streak in them. They all like fair people.

First there was a demand for fair girls. Now, the advertisement industry features girls who are so pale that they would give Bella of 'Twilight' a run for her money.

Nirbhaya Rape Case: When a documentary becomes national shame

“A woman is to blame for rape!”

“They provoke men with their short clothes!”

“They wouldn't dress up if they didn't want to be raped!”

“Don't resist rape– it would be simpler for you!”

Is the mentality ever going to change? Every few months we hear these statements from the perpetrators of rape in the country, and then the politicians follow. Even god-men have their opinions about how the woman should have called the rapist her 'brother' to avoid rape.

18 things you need to do... to grow up!

I read two posts. One in HT brunch yesterday and one today on http://thoughtcatalog.com about advice on growing up. So here I am throwing in some of my own!

1. Live alone, on a restricted budget. Don't let your parents pay every penny cause they can afford to, learn to take up odd jobs, it will teach you humility as well as learning to live and make the most of small things. 
2. Take responsibility of your actions and decisions. Learn from your mistakes. Build on your success. If it has turned out to be a mistake, seek help, rectify it. If you are unable to... don't run away, face the consequences. Try not to let it affect someone else who was not at fault. 
3. Let go of your relationships, if they don't make you happy, it is not worth all the effort of pining and being miserable. 
4. Throw out junk. If your favourite pair of jeans don't fit you anymore, throw it out. When you are the same size again, you will have a chance to buy new ones... Eliminate things if you haven't used them for over 2 years. Applies to gifts from exes and exes that make you miserable as well. 
5. Lose the friend who does nothing but make you feel unhappy about yourself. You cannot chose parents, or bosses... But friends are for you to choose. If a friend doesn't value or respect you, no use trying to keep that friendship alive. 
6. Learn to live with yourself. You cannot keep asking for your friends to give you time. Everyone has a life, a job, relationships. You are not the center of the universe. Read, write, listen to music, take a walk, take dancing classes... But for yourself, by yourself. 
7. Pamper just yourself occasionally. You don't need friends/ bffs to go shopping with you... Or go to a spa... Or have a cozy lie-in in your duvet on a warm winter morning. 
8. Learn how to cook and clean up after yourself. Its important. 
9. Stop drinking and driving. No matter how sober you think you are, you have no right to be a threat to anyone else's life, let alone yours. 
10. Say NO. Just learn it. You don't need to please everybody all the time. 
11. There is always going to be someone in your life who smugly tells you that what you are doing is completely wrong. Whether you have high paid corporate job, or whether it is a low paying artistic job you love. Whether you live in the suburbs, or in the heart of the city. Whether even you keep your fridge stocked up with cola or milk. If you know what you are doing - do it. Take advice. Don't let them smite you all the time. You don't need judgments. 
12. Speak up when you have to. Its such a shame that people assume things and let everything go out of hand, instead of just speaking up and getting it over with. 
13. Friends are not forever. Friends leave. They get jobs, get married, move on to another city. And some of them may not even care to leave you behind. It is absolutely OK... Just be happy for them. and move on yourself. There will always be more friends to make along the way. 
14. Stop being the baby in your relationships. It gets tiresome after a while. Friends and your partner wont keep taking care of every problem you face, and every upset you have. Nor should you expect them to pamper you all the time. They are not your punching bag after every hard day. Learn how to fend for yourself. Learn how to lend a shoulder too. 
15. LISTEN. Sometimes people are trying to tell you things, maybe good advice, a problem they want to share. Maybe even for advice they need. Just listen to them at times. 
16. Stop throwing tantrums. So, your best friend did not get you the gift you wanted from her visit in Hong-Kong. So, your boss did not coo in your ears and give you a raise this time. And your mother screamed for not living the way her best friends daughter does. Things are not going to always go your way. Big F**king Deal. Why the name calling? Learn to battle your problems instead of always crying hoarse over life not being the way you want. Head on. Think of solutions, and way outs. Think of alternatives that can help. Ask for advice... Not attention!! 
17. Stop breaking up with your GF/BF because of something like a unanswered phone call. and then posting it all over FB. 786 of your friends and acquaintances don't need to know about your love life. 
18. You will gain weight/lose weight and all other things when you reach the fag side of 20s. You would probably not even be able to stay up all night and look fresh a daisy with that hangover. Live with it. And change your lifestyle, this was bound to happen - sooner than later.

10 legal rights a woman has in India

Before jumping to say that the Govt doesn't have any laws to protect or side with women, know your rights. Don't just dismiss the rights as "I wouldn't need it". Learn them. Learn to use them.
Govt has laws, and it gives rights. unfortunately we refuse to educate ourselves with them and use it to our advantage. Hence the apathy from the police towards us. The police thinks and knows we are fools therefore takes us for a ride. I know it is their duty to protect us, but we give them the full advantage by doing such things.

I have collected this information from the newspapers, and please correct me if any of this is wrong. Working in the media has taught me one thing. The media is not always right. So, I maybe absolutely wrong.

1. Free legal aid: Exercise your right to free legal aid. Often, women go to the police station unaccompanied by a lawyer to get their statement recorded, and they stand the risk of being misquoted or their statement being tampered with. The police may also treat the entire episode lightly and not lodge an FIR. So, it is necessary to have a lawyer with you while you lodge the FIR. Whenever a rape is reported, the SHO has to bring this to the notice of the Delhi Legal Services Authority. The legal body then arranges for a lawyer for the victim.
2. Right to privacy while recording statement: Under section 164 of the Criminal Procedure Code, a woman who has been raped can record her statement before the district magistrate when the case is under trial, and no one else needs to be present. Alternatively, she can record the statement with only one police officer and woman constable in a convenient place that is not crowded and does not provide any possibility of the statement being overheard by a fourth person. The cops have to, by law, upkeep the woman's right to privacy. It's important for the person to feel comfortable and not be under any kind of stress while narrating the incident.
3. Time doesn't matter: The police cannot refuse to register an FIR even if a considerable period of time has elapsed since the incident of rape or molestation took place. If the police tells you that they can't lodge your FIR since you didn't report it earlier, do not concede. The Supreme Court has ruled that the police must register an FIR even if there has been a gap between the report and the occurrence of the incident.
4. Email to the rescue: According to the guidelines issued by the Delhi Police, a woman has the privilege of lodging a complaint via email or registered post. If, for some reason, a woman can't go to the police station, she can send a written complaint through an email or registered post addressed to a senior police officer of the level of Deputy Commissioner or Commissioner of Police. The officer then directs the SHO of the police station, of the area where the incident occurred, to conduct proper verification of the complainant and lodge an FIR. The police can then come over to the residence of the victim to take her statement.
5. Cops can't say 'no': A rape victim can register her police complaint from any police station under the Zero FIR ruling by Supreme Court. This is a Supreme Court ruling that not many women are aware of, so don't let the SHO of a police station send you away saying it "doesn't come under his area".
6. No arrests after sunset: According to a Supreme Court ruling, a woman cannot be arrested after sunset and before sunrise. There are many cases of women being harassed by the police at wee hours, but all this can be avoided if you exercise the right of being present in the police station only during daytime. "Even if there is a woman constable accompanying the officers, the police can't arrest a woman at night. In case the woman has committed a serious crime, the police has to get it in writing from the magistrate explaining why the arrest is necessary during the night," 
7. You can't be called to the police station: Women cannot be called to the police station for interrogation under Section 160 of the Criminal Procedure Code. This law provides Indian women the right of not being physically present at the police station for interrogation. The police can interrogate a woman at her residence in the presence of a woman constable and family members or friends. So, the next time you're called to the police station for queries or interrogation when you have faced any kind of harassment, quote this guideline of the Supreme Court to exercise your right and remind the cops about it.
8. Protect your identity: Under no circumstances can the identity of a rape victim be revealed. Neither the police nor media can make known the name of the victim in public. Section 228-A of the Indian Penal Code makes the disclosure of a victim's identity a punishable offense. Printing or publishing the name or any matter which may make known the identity of a woman against whom an offense has been committed is punishable. This is done to prevent social victimisation or ostracism of the victim of a sexual offense. Even while a judgment is in progress at the high court or a lower court, the name of the victim is not indicated, she is only described as 'victim' in the judgment.
9. The doctor can't decide: A case of rape can't be dismissed even if the doctor says rape had not taken place. A victim of rape needs to be medically examined as per Section 164 A of the Criminal Procedure Code, and only the report can act as proof. "A woman has the right to have a copy of the medical report from the doctor. Rape is crime and not a medical condition. It is a legal term and not a diagnosis to be made by the medical officer treating the victim. The only statement that can be made by the medical officer is that there is evidence of recent sexual activity. Whether the rape has occurred or not is a legal conclusion and the doctor can't decide on this," explains Bhaumik, a women's rights activist.
10. Employers must protect: It is the duty of every employer to create a Sexual Harassment Complaints Committee within the organisation for redressal of such complaints. According to a guideline issued by the Supreme Court, it is mandatory for all firms, public and private, to set up these committees to resolve matters of sexual harassment. It is also necessary that the committee be headed by a woman and comprise 50% women as members. Also, one of the members should be from a women's welfare group.

The Entry into Media 12/12/12

After dilly dallying for 3 years in the development sector - idealising about how this regular sensitive woman would make a change to this world, this woman has taken the plunge to glamorous media life. The news update is that I have become lifestyle journalist. However I will probably make other efforts to keep letting that 'change' happen. However little I can do. Ah well! The biggest murderer of professionals (even the lazy ones like me) intent on wanting to shift to development sector is the fast rising populace of NGOs only forming to fleece money and not do any real work. There are some that are professional organisations which work to provide services and solutions with the intention of helping the economically challenged. But few and far between. And the attrition and disillusionment rates are high, and not because working in NGOs is a fad. 

In other news. I met a fantastic conversationalist yesterday. One of those very few people who is friendlier than me (a slight chance). Smart, good natured, polite, had a great smile... All in all quite charismatic.. Talked well. Spoke about his village near barreilly, told me about his sisters who have had love marriages. Told me about 2 of his best friends. In the 1 and a half hour I spent in the auto in the rain drenched cold evening on the delhi roads... I was thoroughly entertained. One thing really touched me - he said he wont get married till he gets a stable job and is able to afford buying his own house back. Because a girl shouldnt have to suffer his lack of achievements. Especially if he loves her... And then added, "aap yeh mat samajhna ki autovaala hoon to shadi arranged hi karunga, bina love ke shaadi shaadi nahi hoti". He was funny, and had loads of stories to tell, and I met a happy go lucky autovaala after about 2 years. Which cheered me up even more than my new job.

It is 12:05 on 12/12/12 right now... Might as well schedule this post for 12:12 on 12/12/12.... Lame and awesome at the same time... 

The Proposal Disposal Theorem

Not everything goes according to plan. That has been man’s biggest problem since his inception. You plan one thing and then it metamorphoses into a completely different situation. I’m starting with such an immensely deep thought to just share a few of the lighter moments of our classes These are instances from our various classes which have made us pull our hair/laugh/bang our heads/ and share it with everyone immediately after the class with everyone else. The students have also done the same and then some. I think regular followers of our blog have read Ian’s Experience a few years ago. For those who haven’t. I think you all should.

Instance 1

– CSWC 47 – “They are making use of the adjectives in the class for other times. It was good to see them putting them into practice, for instance, while we were in the metro train during the metro visit a male passenger stood half asleep and the look was such that his eyes appeared bulging out. Pooja saw this and could not help but laugh and from this the sentence “He is scary” came out. The only problem here being, he wasn’t really sleeping and then actually gave us all a “scary” look

Instance 2

– CSWC 45 – “I was really upset that one of the trainees wasn’t regular to class. And was on one of the ‘You need to be more regular’ lectures. Having finished the adverbs class just before this session, one of the friends of this student piped up “Ma’am, don’t scold him. He works hardly”. 

I tried to correct him saying “not 'hardly', he works 'hard'” 

He – “No ma’am, he works hardly. He hardly works sincerely. aap bina jane bol rahe ho” 

Me (in utter confusion)- but I agree with you, I know he is a hard worker. “No ma’am, he has got so many gold coins. He hardly deserves them.” 

The whole class supported him because he hardly works… 

Hardly a day where I would have won the argument.

Instance 3 

Listening skills – We were playing Chinese whispers and I gave the sentence “the saxophone sounds beautiful” Student – “ma’am yeh sab baatein aise nahi bolte. Shadi hone ke baad bolte hain.” (Ma’am these are not things that you should say before marriage)

Instance 4

Listening skills – in a rather peaceful discussion, suddenly I heard a commotion on the other side of the room. One of the guys just got up… and the next thing I know there are punches flying around. The lesson was crafty, and I was new, and the group dynamics were such that the whole situation promptly turned into a great fight. I was so shocked. I went in to separate them and tell them to quiet and calm down, which only happened after I pretended to get punched in my eye…in a purely Hindi film way… with my “ouch” there was a deathly silence, and me taking the Mickey out of them and scaring them was, well, a great way to just make everyone back to being friends.

Instance 5

– Certificate ceremony – we had asked a couple of students to share their learning with the crowd. All the students were talking about their English, Confidence, and their friendships, and learning experience. The last one to speak however decided that he wants to be different “I learnt how to talk to good looking girls, without being nervous”. When he saw the look on everybody’s faces, he said “whether people agree or not, I know that’s a secret wish every boy of my age has”

Aparna

(*not ALL these experiences are mine. other facilitators have contributed too)

The High

Students From Gurgaon ITI, Posing 

The monsoon is a beautiful time to be in Delhi. It doesn’t rain hard enough to buy boats and row across the roads; neither does it rain too scantily to make you feel that someone just turned the water supply off while showering. The skies are nice and grey, the leaves are greener, there are birds chirping and chattering away all day long, and the dust levels are down. Take your pick of what you love best about them. I, for one, love getting drenched in it, no matter how many sneezes follow a good shower. And that’s what I hate about this job (any job for that matter). Since I am setting an example for the students and neither of us can afford to fall ill, I can’t go out there and jump about. Uh! I sometimes wish I could remain a student all my life.

But rains bring other things with it that can’t be seen otherwise. It brings with it ‘mischief’, ‘friends for life’ in the trees, the chirping crickets, the dirty mud and ‘imaginary experiences’ for the kids. And it brings me ‘time’ to watch these ‘kids-who-are-up-to-no-good’.


One of the most beautiful sights I have seen in a long time was recently when I was on my way back from Madanpur Center* from the CSWC class, was a branch of a huge tree growing sideways and a bunch of kids sitting/standing on it and swinging with all their might. Some terrified of the branch breaking, some screaming as we adults would scream on a Ferris wheel, some screaming from the ground that it was their turn. As I sat in the car, stuck in a traffic jam, the honking suddenly ceased in my head. There is a magical world, not unlike the harry potter books, where all these kids are transformed onto brooms and carpets that fly. They ride on the wings of enormous birds and they become catapult pullers in mighty dragon wars. And its joyous, how these simple games, that we have forgotten in the age of computers and mobile games and X boxes ruling everyone’s lives, can change an entire wet evening to an enchanting fairy tale. One of the things I enjoy doing outside my class.


I was in another class yesterday, and a trainee came up to me to ask for an ‘autograph’. ‘Wow!’ I thought, ’What in the world did I do to have this boy, who I have met for the first time in my life today, to come up to me?’ I managed to force seriousness on my gradually widening ‘ear-to-ear-smiley’ face. I protested, and then gave in, wrote some very serious life’s quotation as a message, and wrote my name down. On the way back, I thought do I really deserve this? I have been here 4 months, I am learning more than I am giving out, and this boy thinks I have taught him something? Not modesty to be honest. Just a little awed by these experiences. How life can make you feel larger than life, as well as grounded at the same moment. What tremendous responsibility comes with this status that trainees give you.

Sounds like a dialogue straight out of the Spiderman movie. But then, fairy tales as well as little moments and experiences have their lessons attached with them.

Till such time that I can still find these moments hidden like precious gems, the ‘high’ of the rains shall not pass.

Happy Monsoons everyone!!!

The Big Fat Lie

These posts are proving to be more and more a part of a conversation than anything else.

Anyway, moving on... Swati has written a blog post yet again. I being the "A"

She points out several things and here i am replying again. What makes it more difficult to convince her is the fact that she has decided to be the part of what the whole market wants us to believe.

Let me start on another note,

I hate mills and boons and I always end up reading them when i am bored. or need some really mindless reading to do. i guess i need some right now, coz since i cant smoke up i need other really surreal things to do, mills and boons happens to be one of them. it so happens that on of them describes a couple (the guy being the heroine's dashing brother, and his plump, sweet wife) who left me wondering how the most handsome guys fell for the weirdest looking chicks. Which, by the way, never happens to the hero and the heroine of a normal M&B.

And the opposite is true in a normal world scenario. good looking chicks always end up being with the biggest douche to be found in the neighborhood.

It didn’t matter much coz I thought if that story was tell-able the author would have concentrated on it, rather than the ‘oh-so-understated-looker-chick’

The clones

This is in answer to Swati’s blog, who

is a journalist friend of mine from Kolkata. Not that it makes too much of a difference to many bloggers to read a opinion post.

She is trying to be the unapologetic narcissist. Who, cares right now to set her own life straight before messing it up with things like love and rather complicated relationships. Pretty much what I was trying to do a couple of years ago… And it feels good that she has done a good job of cheering herself up.

Enough with the part on the back for her, I guess I should come to the point. She points out some rather pressing matters, as to how she defines herself as a geek, or how she likes reading more than “work hard party harder” friends, who are rushing into most things (quite rightly put). How each of us have become clones of each other. In trying to outdo each other in every way possible, but the one thing each of us aim for is “acceptance” in the society as a part of them. A mere clone of them who are uber cool and uber smart, and know the MEANING OF LIFE...

I guess reading the blog makes more sense, coz I just wrote what I thought was the gist of the matter.

I agree in all respects.

Except one.

Though one may define a GEEK as someone supremely intellectual, just not in the same admiring way I am putting it. It is referred in dictionary.reference.com as

geek Slang.

n.

1. 1. A person regarded as foolish, inept, or clumsy.
   2. A person who is single-minded or accomplished in scientific or technical pursuits but is felt to be socially inept.

She is not one, as far as I know her, she speaks well, socializes well enough, has done her bit of partying smoking, booze, flirtations when she wanted to. And she is back to her own life as she likes it. What is it with us and the self deprecations we put ourselves through? Why is it that we decide that since we are not one of them, we are “Geeks”, “boring”, “devoid of a ‘LIFE’”… why is it that even my friends from college call me up to party with them and my refusal is generally greeted with disdain and a rather condescending comment about how I have become a “boring” person. How does wanting to do things differently or different things make me boring?

I know I have a better life than them. It’s not the same routine of going to discotheques every Tuesday and Saturday, finding a man/woman to fuck/flirt depending on your relationship status on facebook. And going to college and coming back. For a repeated period of 5 years and intending to continue it for the rest of their ‘exciting’ lives…

How does my wanting to travel and read (which is another non expensive way of travelling) and read Manga, and driving around Delhi with my boyfriend, or travel in buses with my friends, listening to music make my life any less exciting than theirs. How does it even make me antisocial? I can claim to have known more people, having more fun, having more friends to help me when I need them. Along with all the adventure that each of these things brings to me…

Yes swati, we are becoming clones of each other. And faster than you can say JHUMRITALAIYA, each of us is busy trying to “get a life”. Each of us getting ruder, pretentious and unhappier under the surface…

I just hope it doesn’t soon take over everyone of us who wants to be different and respect ourselves rather than exhault.