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Close your eyes. Take a deep breath. Silence the voices within. Go deaf to the voices without. Relax. And then And then feel the force that is in you. The force that has infinite power to do anything. Everything begins from there. That is what ‘design’ to me is. It begins from there, from within. It comes from the million things I have realized in my short insignificant time on this vast place. What I know today is the one thousandth part of what I can know. What evolves from there, from what I know is design. I inspire. I’m not god, but I try to take from whoever has thought beyond everything that exists. The stronger I feel that force of a noveau creation, the closer I am to divinity. It is not a novel idea, most feel that it is the artistic temperament. It is not, this is what drives humanity, what drives science, that is, to strive harder to achieve what has not been achieved yet. Design, create, acquire, discover, appreciate, learn… “live”

i philosophise

We have all suddenly started wanting things that are "not so perfect", isn’t it? Especially in the last few years.
But science still works for perfection… human mind seems to be striving for perfection and yet aesthetics still declare the imperfect as the fashion, or fad , whatever u may call it.
Its strange how human mind works, constantly looking for change but never accepting it when it comes to using that change. Things are always "forever". We think of things as stable as they are as of now “hamesha aisa hi rahega...” nothing can change. But, then we all are looking for change, always.

As fashion students we are told how to incorporate the want of change and make "them" buy what we make. Essentially not making anything new but definitely finding out what is it that the other people want and taking the chances. But even in our personal lives we are scared to take chances… but we do… coz there is nothing definite. We take a chance coz we don’t have any choice.

even if I "think all about it" I still know that my plans may not succeed. So, it is a chance isn’t it?
coz I guess it’s the imperfection and the risk that entices people… people who give up and die are those who know there is not a second way......

hope remains

Most people live a perpetual dream. One that by ancient philosophers is called “hope”. What existentialists denied, Most realists thought was a fool’s paradise, most pessimists crave for and yet keep it away.  Hope remains in this incessant world of optimists that someday everything will be alright, things will move on. One will travel from the frustrations to a life of complete happiness.

Hope remains

insanity

In two different worlds… is it those who we call “insane”, insane??? Or is it those who keep making pretences retain more insanity than those who are locked up in asylums.

Lock me up, cause I am insane. And lock up those sitting at their desks, making war, with people who they don’t know. Taking it out on those who have nothing to do with the hatred. 

Autumn leaves (yellow)

It’s time for us to cross-over again, 

Walk the bridge that takes us, 

from this warm bank, 

To the other.

Time for us to reflect, 

Time to shed the gains, 

That the rains brought us.

And wait for the worms to come to us,

As our children carry us away.

Burial at sea,

Beneath an epitaph,

On a tower of silence,

Or just a gift to the flames.

And time for all the greens,

To ignite their fragile selves,

And leave the residue behind,

Yellow…

stupendous man(on the last minute way to submitting my design journal)

33,00,00,000 gods and more

as the jewel track goes

"so we pray to as many different gods, 
as there are flowers...
but who will save your soul"

and there are... many gods, one each for different religions, castes, societies. there are fights, murders, terrorism over these gods. after all that is disenchantment. from our gods, we form our own gods. we follow cults, or become atheists, we don't believe. Humans have a tendency to slight everything else that anyone else believes. religion can kill you, and it can make you live, in hope. 
people have their own way of bringing faith in their lives, and that’s what cultures and societies are made on. what brings them happiness is what god is to them. everything else exists cause we exist, we the living, breathing, talking beings. the mere fact that we live in the face of an apparently meaningless or absurd world. everything begins from that and ends there.

the rather obscure post

i am rather pissed with life. this typhoid has cramped me like nothing else... im not looking for a job but everyone else is hellbent on making career suggestions to me... which in itself is very depressing... moreover, i want to travel, get out of my normal life asap. im sick and tired of interacting with the same and same kind of people everyday. pretty much on the edge, and stupendous man is not making it too easy either. some weird topic to fight about lands right in my life everyday. and frankly after a whole day of boredome i dont react too well either. in his defense he has been going through rather a lot in the last few weeks... ipl, stupendous' mom, my mom, my typhoid, work work and more work... but still not fair. i need a break and so does he, but then he is not my kinds ...bag uthaya, chal diye... he is rather the "let's plan it out, kitna paisa kharch hoga, kahan rahenge, kya mausam hoga, kya khana hai" and all that. 

and now the plans have all gotten drenched in my typhoid... people care too much, i might die of a typhoid relapse apparently... (interestingly i just skipped a whole week of medicine, and im all fine... and that is not proof enough that i will live thru this life threatening disease) so, i cant go anywhere. 

i am so bored that its making me tired... i realised that boredome can actually tire people out....by the time its evening i feel as exhausted as if i have run a marathon(not that it is likely for me to run a marathon ever in my life) and even then i have nothing to do, im sick of the 6000+ odd songs on my hard disk, im sick of watching re runs of himym. i am also sick of playing computer games, i dont wanna watch the nice movies on my hard disk either, AND i dont feel like reading!!!....obviously, i really need a vacation... after 6 long years in NIFT, i need a long vacation...but does anyone care? no, they all have other things to look after and obviously im being too derstanding(assuming it to be the opposite of un-derstanding). im being rather stupid, people say, that i need a break from this rut. they all understand that i probably want a vacation, but then it can wait... i dont really neeed  one (btw, i know this post will amount to another of the non sensical fights i have had in the last three days.)

upsides: 

1. i have watched some pretty good movies off late
2. i have been listening to music again, though now im not in the mood
3. i have caught up with a lot of old friends who i have not talked to/met in the last few months
4. i am finally a graduate (stress on "finally")
5. i have had lovely four weeks with my brother, though i was bed ridden half the time
6. stupendous man has had some time after the IPL ended and before the world 20-20 starts
7. i have finally upgraded the internet connection, therefore the speeds of my surfing have considerably improved in the last few hours of my life
8. I have had very good home cooked food in the last few days.

I HAVE TO RUN AWAY. 

currently listening to: pearl jam,  floyd, hindi classics (mainly gulzar), amrita pritam's poems in gulzars voice 

currently reading(trying to): jeeves, ruskin bond omnibus
current mood : booooorrrreeeed

recently watched :Mary Poppins, curious case of benjamin button, The great train robbery, the terminal, good morning vietnam, Mrs doubtfir, chadmabeshi(bengali), kannathil muthamil(tamil), how i met your mother season 4, eli stone season 2,  

the rather unwell phase

for those interested and those not... i am down with typhoid.
now typhoid is a very irritating ailment to have specially for someone who has been planning a vacation since the last three months since she is graduating this year... she has "graduated" too, by the way.
Now, ever since i knew im going to graduate, i decided it was time i went out for an out n out break, not care that i dont have a job, and especially not care that im jobless and jobless. rather happy that i dont have anything to do for sometime and i can blame it all on something as random as "recession" and "job freeze" everywhere. infact people are more than ready to say that this is the right time to go out and enjoy, if there are no jobs, there is no need to be depressed. its the best way to deal with such desperate times. And i was, until recently very happy with the arrangement.

The plan

23rd of may : speculated date for the Nift show

therefore

27th may: actual date of the Nift show

1. Do the show
2. Party all night
3. Drink champagne
4. Get drunk and happy
5. Eat great "outside" food
6. Get the hell out of the heat of delhi and enjoy...

as far as i was concerned it was going smooth, until...one day...

i was down with a 103 deg Celsius fever, and it continued the next day and then another day, and the doc suspected something fatal, close to a life threatening brain tumour, at least thats how grave his expression was. and life hasnt been the same ever since.

i , I, ME .....I ..... HAVEN'T SMOKED...... at least not properly, for a whole week.....and that, really means ..... i'm really really unwell. more than anything i cant eat outside, not that i is problem, but i absolutely love chicken, and ham and beef and mutton, and the only light meat apparently is fish. and being a bong thr is a lot at home i can assure you. but what about my daily chicken???

the chicks must be flabbergasted as to why there has been a population explosion in their neighbourhood recently. the Classic Mild boxes must have by now started feeling lonely at the various sutta vallas....

and my plans of a vacation has been dashed.... and im pissed, at life yet again. when i was not supposed to have been pissed about things around me, since there was nothing that could have gone wrong in my blissful summer escapade... it turns out that i cant go anywhere for the next four months...four months i would run out of the excuse of the recession shit.... why god??? why me???

"its just something about your face i dont like" is what i hear

heat stroke

the radio kept playing the same song over and over and rj wont apologise for it. or maybe she was just flipping channels and this is definitely one of the most popular songs these days...hence, is playing on all stations on different times. she is really pissed now. she once liked the song and now she thinks its overcooked...and she definitely doesnt like overcooked fish.its a shame the fish is so highly priced, she cant afford the shoes anymore. and she knows she has to buy them. she is too used to highly priced products.but then samples are always sold in sarojini for a lesser price. maybe she will just go to rajasthan instead. they have no televisions or radios there. books makes no sense to her. nor did she write to anyone else....

wasted vote bank

this apparently is the dirtiest pre election game being played in the media. and i am getting various mails regarding the matter, including what is or is not possible by the current govt. or the ones to come. and its kinda confusing to be honest.

who do i vote if i want a strong national party "ruling"(that might have been a wrong word to use) the nation.... which, will not be an alliance, preferably. will not be a hardliner party, will not corrupt in as many ways as possible, will make the country more secure than it has been in the last few years, and will not be an anarchy if possible... and ofcourse i need the leader to be, english speaking or atleast proper hindi. not mamta-ish bong hindi. 

frankly i dont wanna vote.

one reason only...

i dont know who to vote,

and i dont want to waste my vote on a party that is not in majority, and i dont want to vote the two majority parties....

end of story...

im totally confused...

i wish there was a way to say i dont wanna vote to either party...