Sikkim Travelogue: Flowers, mountains and snow - a trip to remember

Planning a trip and checking boxes while travelling has never been my forte. What I do like is stuffing a few T-shirts in a backpack and taking off whenever I can get some days off. Alas! Growing up has its disadvantages – you cannot just up and leave as you want. And if you are planning to go to Sikkim – that is not an option anyway.

Travelling with my recently travel bug-bitten husband, Sikkim required an advance planning by a few weeks. Not only because it is far from Delhi, which is my home, but you also have to take special permissions to go to the places near the border areas.

After speaking to a couple of friends who had been there before, we decided

Sona...

चाँद, अपने आँचल से झांक कर देख,

ओस टपक कर खिड़की पर,

उसके नाम से एक और नाम जोड़ रही है...

ताश के पत्तो पर लडती, वह माया,

रात की कालिख आँखों में सजाये,

शाम भर से शीशे के सामने बैठी है,

एक नयी छोटी सी कहानी suitcase  से निकालकर,

लपेट रही है रेशम के पोटले में...

कुछ पर्चो में कापते हाथो से 

शब्दों के मानी बदल रही है...

कभी सब में तु भी देख,

एक वह आंसू ही टपका था,

और कहानी वही से शुरू थी,

कहीं आवाज़ कापी थी धुन में,

और नाज़ुक सा एक गीत गुम हो गया था उसी पल में...

तुझसे दो चार महीन से लम्हे चुराके

माया ने रखे हैं अपने पास...

कि उँगलियाँ पकड़ी है बस... 

और कुछ कहने को बाकी नहीं...

गुनगुनाते, चहकते हुए कुछ तारो ने देखा है...

-- 
Regards
Aparna Mudi

Wedding Diaries - Intro

General Disclaimer:

For the sake of clarifications, the following blog posts are not about wedding tips, or shopping tips(although I might just add some tips I found useful for myself). It is more like a weddinglogue (on the lines of a travelogue). I will post mostly my experiences. Where i got most of the things. How we planned, what came of it.

Mostly shit that flew and shit that landed where it should have. And not!!!

I will have some back dated posts since I did not have the time to write. Like the engagement ceremony. And the real engagement ceremony. Starting with this one.

I will also be putting up the check lists, songs, videos, pictures, and random things I associate with the wedding

The Eternal Debate : Love Vs Arranged Marriage

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. - Mignon McLaughlin

Marriage, a concept in India, that by sheer virtue of ‘celebrations’ that has taken ginormous proportions and it is blowing up even as I write. And at my age there are constant talks of how I am not really making any efforts to make those lifelong bonds, with a person I have fallen in love with. And the one default question when I meet anybody has been, for long, “So, why haven’t you gotten married yet?” so ‘marriage’ as it is has been constantly on my mind for a while now. (And by the way there is no answer for that. I am hoping my parents wouldn’t be reading this)

But I digress from what this debate is all about.

‘Love vs Arranged Marriage.’

A debate I wrote about when I was in school, won a prize in elocution for when I was in high school, went on to discuss it at lengths with my college friends, conducted debates within a classroom I was facilitating, and now that I don’t have any of that, I am writing about it on my blog. I am left wondering why I haven’t written anything before. I have an opinion about everything. And I have had an opinion about this for longer than I can remember. So I guess here it goes.

A known devil or an unknown ghost – who would you chose?

Ideally one can never be biased about these things. One of the reasons being, that both arranged marriages and love marriages work, if one were to look at it statistically. However, what statistics fail to read are how many of them are happily married, who live as a married couple,* whose attachment towards each other is not out of mere consideration for the society. Ideally parents would have your best interests in mind when they go looking for a compatible partner for you to spend your life with, and would give you time to make the relationship grow. Ideally the guy you marry without knowing him for more than a few months is a dream come true. Ideally when you fall in love, your parents would see your happiness and celebrate your marriage to the person you have chosen. Ideally there would be absolute compatibility with your spouse’s family, you can get over all your fights without it causing any rifts and there need not be great compromises to be happy.

Also ideally there would be world peace, no corruption and a green environment where all of us singing and dancing all day.

But nothing is ideal, neither are statistics. Parents (I know a fair bunch of them, I admit) many times succumb to peer pressure to look for a ‘good looking, , Brahmin, tall, six figure salary in a corporate’ for their ‘fair, beautiful, well educated, homely girl’ in the n number of Classifieds in every Sunday newspaper in India, scrounging in the abyss called caste system. Add to that, my daughters groom has to be better than my best friend’s daughter’s groom. And all that parents are doing are looking for a package for their daughters. Forgetting that what would eventually matter is their child’s happiness. 80% girls in India aren’t even asked for their opinion in the choosing of their life partners.

I have a friend, who ended her beautiful relationship with her boyfriend for 4 years, (the kind of relationship we all had wanted) to not disrespect her parent’s wishes of marrying into the same caste. The boy later had said that “I won’t get married to anyone else, but I chose not to fight it because she would be devastated if her parents were hurt.’ It has been four years, and the boy hasn’t dated anyone else, he is doing his job as a senior executive in a multinational company, the girl meanwhile has divorced her ‘parental choice’ husband, because he would not let his overqualified wife work in a higher position than himself. She now lives separately and her parents still don’t want her to marry the one who has willingly sacrificed his love for her and her family’s so called dignity.

It is not as if arranged marriages don’t work, or love marriages don’t fail. I have seen umpteen examples of them failing miserably, but the individual has a choice he/she can exercise. He/she has a choice not to ‘adjust’ and take his/her relationship forward as they would like to. Rather a informed decision that has been made by the two people who would be most affected by this liaison, than a choice made by others who in all probability are making clouded decisions influenced by the societal norms and imposed judgements. There are families today who give a ‘dating bracket’ to the marriages they are arranging. But why not let the children make that choice themselves. The ups and downs of such a relationship would also give them the responsibility of making it work, rather than there being a blame game. But like for every other thing, I feel a lot of people in India are happier blaming others for their unhappiness or ‘adjusting’ than having a happy relationship with a match that is supposed to have been made in heaven.

Any individual should be given the right to make a choice about his or her life partner. That would also solve a very big issue in India, a problem called caste system. The chasm that is quite wide and call me optimist I think love marriages would close that divide in a time that the entire system has not been able to do in the last 65 years of independence. The inter racial divide closes in so easy if the boy and girl meet in a neutral setting, make a mature decision about compatibility, and make the efforts of keeping their relationship alive (the minimal requirement for any marriage to work, arranged or otherwise) it is a easy and a fantastic way to get the divide to close.

People who defend arranged marriages forget that the Indian system is not only about the urban metro population, but also a majority of sub urban (moffusil) and rural India where the female sex isn’t given a choice before marriage, maybe a change in mentality will also make that mutual respect grow in married life.

I shall always support love marriage, for a family is made with two people who learn to love each other over years of togetherness, but chances of that in an arranged marriage are reduced at the very beginning because you don’t even know what you are starting out with...

This post if for the Sony contest Love Marriage Vs Arranged Marriage on IndiBlogger.com

Tilling the Earthwoman: A Chennai Wedding That MAKES A DIFFERENCE

Tilling the Earthwoman: A Chennai Wedding That MAKES A DIFFERENCE:

This is a post I have taken from Bhavna's blog and honestly it’s a story worth retelling. Full credits to her for such a beautiful blog post. Please make all your comments on her post. And hope such feelings of generosity are instilled in more of us. I only wanted to share the story so more people could read this.

I was thinking that morning—this is one wedding I want to attend, one wedding that I would cherish attending, where I would delight in giving the wedding gift.

I don’t enjoy weddings. I am not into competitive dressing, competitive jewelry showcasing, or latest gossip, or assessing if bride and groom are “match made in heaven.”

But this wedding, the wedding of Thilak and Dhana on June 1st 2012 will be different. It is a wedding that MAKES A DIFFERENCE. How?

1. The wedding reception will be a fundraiser for an education fund for underprivileged children. No box gifts allowed; only donations to the fund.

2. The children from 8 homes in Chennai have been invited to the wedding reception. They will join in the celebration equally as rest of us.

3. The bride will not wear any silk clothes or expensive ornaments and the wedding will follow a much-researched simple ritual attended by close relatives.

It sounds simple, doesn’t it? And yet so hard to actually execute! How does a bride tell her family that she does not want to get dressed up and that she wants to marry so that she can adopt? And that the groom wants to pay for the reception from his pocket—not his parents or in-laws? And that he says No to gifts? Thilak and Dhana have waited almost 2 years to convince their family to do just that!

Nope, Dhana and Thilak were not in love when they first thought of marriage. You see, both of them are uncommon, a little odd. Dhana had been avoiding marriage, for her passion was with animals and social work. Thilak had decided he would not marry for he was convinced that he could not find a companion who would share his social passion, his adventurous spirit, and his quiet spirituality. But Gods smiled at these two wonderful individuals and brought them together in a way that is so apt!

A little baby girl called Theresa played cupid in this couple’s life. Who is Theresa? She was a non-affected six-month old girl abandoned by her teenaged HIV+ve mother. She first triggered motherly love in Dhana’s heart. Then Dhana proposed to Thilak, a friend then, to marry her so that she could adopt the baby. Adoption homes try to find parents before the baby turns one year as children find it difficult to adjust to new homes as they grow up. Dhana could not convince her folks in time and Theresa was adopted by another set of loving parents. But the wedding fundraiser in June is in the name of Theresa Educational Fund commemorating the love that brought these two beautiful individuals together.

I have known Thilak for sometime now. I first ran into him in the India Against Corruption movement and thereafter discovered that Thilak had dedicated his life to the welfare of the underprivileged children. He is the co-founder of Sevai Karangal along with Nandan which monitors and supports eight Children’s homes in the city of Chennai. The organization works with a difference: They don’t just donate. Rather they ensure people engage with the homes and the children. The monthly social treks conducted by Chennai Trekking Club take Chennaiites to celebrate their birthdays at the Children’s homes or take the children out on joyful treks. For more information on social treks, please go towww.chennaitrekkers.org.

Thilak insists that what children need is attention and love more than anything else—a sense of familiarity, a joy. He raises funds for infrastructure—he had a block built at one of the homes when he noticed the rooms were cramped for the kids. He organized for water filters after he tested the water in couple of the homes. He raises funds for their school books and stationery and uniforms. He raises funds for their education. He along with other volunteers organizes Diwali events at the homes. He also supports an Old Age home. Till date he has channelized close to Rs. 7 lacs to the various homes in about 4 years.

And he monitors closely if the money is being utilized effectively, if children are being taken care of properly. I remember once I was travelling with him to a meeting, when he asked, if I would accompany him to a surprise visit at a home nearby. We bought some goodies for the kids and dropped in. Thilak later explained that these sudden visits help him gauge the real situation and also keeps the pressure on caretakers at the homes.

Besides engagement and funding, the organization has also set-up a mentorship project called Navigator, akin to the Big Brother Big Sister program in United States and workshops to improve creative skills in the children.

No, Thilak is not from any rich family. The poor guy shuffles his time between work and passion so that he can sustain himself as well as provide for his passion. Dhana is not a rich girl either. She is rich in her heart.

As these two ordinary citizens of our country take that seven steps to bind themselves in matrimony, they do more than that—they set an example for others to follow, they give meaning to the structure called marriage, they bring hope in the lives of so many children, they bring faith back to cynical hearts.

So please join me in extending blessings and heartfelt wishes to this lovely couple. You can Facebook Thilak at https://www.facebook.com/theluckraj and learn more about Sevai Karangal at www.sevaikarangal.org. If you are in Chennai, do join a social trek!

part m1: the nonchildhood

B makes her first appearance in our story, fighting ninja monkeys at the age of three. while the location was very serene, and she was quite innocent. destiny had other plans for her... she valiantly fought but she lost... her most precious possession. and she swore then that she would not let anything be so dear to her. instead she steeled herself against this cruel world.

Even in her school days, while others lay simply learning their ABC's she sat in her seat, contemplating, how she would take over the world one day. making her evil plans on her classwork notebook. with marked diagrams. while the teacher presumed the brilliant child was doing well. her genius lay in the fact that she could fool anyone with her innocent smiles and banterings of any other child.

she preferred working alone... lest she be caught up in the worldlyness of the others. what did they know, how cruel this world is. fate is going to destroy their dreams and she knew it. she had known that ever since she fought those ninja monkeys. once in a while she would act cute, she had to... everyone else would be suspicious otherwise... and oh! the amount of people who fell victim to her visciousness. the only time she showed her true powers to the world was when someone else tried to hurt her. She rose like the serpent and struck back. and she acted cute again to get out of it. it was too easy... it was a piece of cake for her actually...

no one knows how she suddenly changed from a mere little child of 3 to a 12 year old... no one...  B keeps her secrets hidden deep within her. This is all I know about her Childhood... from her lost diaries... and other people's accounts... obviously most have haad their memories modified... wonder what she did to them to have to resort to such a drastic use of her super powers.

B grows up in this rather fishy world.. . in her own FISHY ways... sometimes chickeny on sundays...

you can now follow the story of stupendous man on

THE ADVENTURES OF STUPENDOUS MAN

It has also been put on my blogroll for the people who want to read it otherwise

Chapter -1 Childhood

One year old and he was already making news. even the doctor was surprised at the childs amazing ability to eat and digest most things that other kids wont touch with a bargepole. what he loved the most was eating icecream and chasing goats in busy markets. No one then noticed his special power of finding notes in the odd adverts of a washing powder which made your head spin.

He could probably teach the grownups  all the countries and their capitals at the age of three. Who was to know that skill would be specially helpful in his later years. Nabbing the gang of highly deceptive felons of international stature and specially their cool headed female boss.

He had an inquisitive mind right from the beginning, and started questioning people about the most seemingly mundane things. It was then he got to know about the tanks of the world. How this society was built around Mother tank and mama tanks... he wondered if the world was built only around that.

His superpowers by this time had already developed. And though he did not know how he would use them, he just entertained people with it. Making friends out of complete strangers. He was easily likeable. But what is the truth about him?

Will stupendous man be able to learn the truth about himself?

Will he realise his gift in time to save the unsaved?

Will he have a normal life?

What are these tanks?

this and more... coming up soon

to be contd.

fiction part 2

she is "B"... some one else's though. she looks at the full moon tonight and it stares back, moving ever so slightly every some minutes... she looks back at it almost expecting it to say something... something nice to her.

stupendous man flies in... its strange how he is her superhero, and she realises stupendous man only exists in her head. he has strange powers... he can be somewhere else and can communicate through telepathy, today he is using the moon as his tool. thats how he saves her from troubles. troubles of moons not telling her nice things... stupendous man to the rescue!!!

now is the time stupendous man must be characterised for those who want a mental image of him. he is not you regular "chaddi outside" superhero. he looks more like cupid. with seldom seen cupid like qualities(he wears clothes though). he has a loud booming voice, which goes through anything, even solid walls built around the heart, hardened over the years. laser cant go through it, but his voice can. he quotes shakespeare and he has a red ferrari as his choice of transport. you could see him sitting in the crowd cheering this certain team he likes to call "THE REDS". but you wont recognise him in his secret identity. his physique is rather upside down but that is just a decoy to the enemy... and like all superheros he has a weakness and an arch enemy... a certain woman he calls maya... "B" hasnt figured out whether maya is his weakness or his nemesis or both... "B" guesses both, since a man is most likely to love the one thing he is most likely to be destroyed by. and stupendous man, though a superhero, with a secret identity, is still a man after all.

"B" knows what she is going to do, she gets up...

a breeze blows into the dark room, its still wee hours of the morning... there are clouds in the sky, it is light golden...but the sun hasnt risen yet.

In the blink of an eye "B" changes... the colour of her hair changes from the "burgundy" red to a natural brown. she visits the strange city called "Angular B". she comes back to "Elite D" her home the next moment... she knows who she wants now, everything is clear...

she turns around, and "B" looks into her own reflection as "MAYA"

what happens next???

is maya's making a evil plan to seduce stupendous man into her trap?

or has maya's heart finally melted?

has maya decided to turn over a new leaf?

is this all rather stupid?

stay tuned...

to be contd.

love stories

Stand,

Here by the side,

And look away, 

And not just into the sunset,

Which you say looks like my eyes,

But into the burning edge of the earth...

Watch it burning black, turning into a sillhoutte...

Sillhoutte,

That you claim to be, 

Wholesome,

Complete, with your outlines defined...

Look into the mirror 

And all you will see is darkness,

Darkness within the defined outline of you...

Break. 

Your absolute is by me...

And i walk out...

Stand right there, 

And dont reach out...

I am the sunset,

I am beautiful,

And as all beautiful things are...

i destroy.

picture (C) aparnamudi, aparnamudi@gmail.com

hrishikesh, march 2009

currently listening to: radiohead, pearl jam, coldplay, sinead o' connor

currently reading: blah
current mood : pretty darn good

recently watched :samurai champloo, eli stone(tv series), jersey girl

moments of happiness

It’s the weird moments of happiness that I’m clinging on to these days. Just a little moment. Why does love do this to you? Make you such a complete loser. If it wasn’t for being in love, I would live my other moments too, nahi? Your smiles depend on someone so completely unaware of it, that it hurts… everything hurts anyway. The pain of it is “sweet” some say. And in hindsight that seems like such a completely ridiculous idea. Some said “don’t cry for me” and I don’t know to correct him… the fact that I don’t cry for him, I just cry. It hurts so much not to be with him.
I seem to be like a pathetic cry baby… it’s not too good. It’s not a very good symptom to behave like a loser all the time… I should follow my own advice… be in love and enjoy it… the only problem being.. I don’t have too much choice. I haven’t been given the choice of being in love and not wanting him. Though it is not imposed, or so I have heard, but it is required. The pining hurts and no one knows that better than me.

The curtains shall be drawn,
Not on you my love, not on you,
Just me, so don’t you fear…

Don’t fear I shall not go away,
Only from you my love, only from you,
I shall not show you my pathetic pains…

My pathetic pains that sear,
Not with hurt my love, not with hurt,
Just with this overbearing longing for you…

This longing for you that burns,
Not your memories my love, not your memories,
Just the skin on my flesh, melting down all beauty around me…

The beauty that reflects that playful smile on your lips,
Oh! the “need” my love, oh! the need,
If only I knew how to live without it, I would.

I just live, my love, in this paradise,
Waiting for you to fall, my love,
While the angels tie me,
And then reveal their demonic faces…
And I, my love, unable to break free,
Wait in vain, for you...
For you, my love,
Must have ascended to your heaven,
And the mere shadow of me
must have been vanquished
by the over bearing light of the gods

one of the thousands

people like you dont need lovers
you get them a dime a dozen
you need only nobodies like me,
who can pray to you,

people like you are gods,
everything is dedicated to you
and you can chose to throw us away,
to the devil, or as labor...

you dont give us a choice,
you make us walk away,
know that we pine for your divinity,
you are the "divine incarnate"...