moments of happiness

It’s the weird moments of happiness that I’m clinging on to these days. Just a little moment. Why does love do this to you? Make you such a complete loser. If it wasn’t for being in love, I would live my other moments too, nahi? Your smiles depend on someone so completely unaware of it, that it hurts… everything hurts anyway. The pain of it is “sweet” some say. And in hindsight that seems like such a completely ridiculous idea. Some said “don’t cry for me” and I don’t know to correct him… the fact that I don’t cry for him, I just cry. It hurts so much not to be with him.
I seem to be like a pathetic cry baby… it’s not too good. It’s not a very good symptom to behave like a loser all the time… I should follow my own advice… be in love and enjoy it… the only problem being.. I don’t have too much choice. I haven’t been given the choice of being in love and not wanting him. Though it is not imposed, or so I have heard, but it is required. The pining hurts and no one knows that better than me.

The curtains shall be drawn,
Not on you my love, not on you,
Just me, so don’t you fear…

Don’t fear I shall not go away,
Only from you my love, only from you,
I shall not show you my pathetic pains…

My pathetic pains that sear,
Not with hurt my love, not with hurt,
Just with this overbearing longing for you…

This longing for you that burns,
Not your memories my love, not your memories,
Just the skin on my flesh, melting down all beauty around me…

The beauty that reflects that playful smile on your lips,
Oh! the “need” my love, oh! the need,
If only I knew how to live without it, I would.

I just live, my love, in this paradise,
Waiting for you to fall, my love,
While the angels tie me,
And then reveal their demonic faces…
And I, my love, unable to break free,
Wait in vain, for you...
For you, my love,
Must have ascended to your heaven,
And the mere shadow of me
must have been vanquished
by the over bearing light of the gods