ahem

i need an asylum......coz finally i have cracked.........
well coz i have started to laugh and cry at the same time without any apparent reason....i have basically stopped doing anything at all......i have been screaming shouting laughing for no cause.....and hence very very big need is an asylum complete with a soundproof room where i can just scream and cry and laugh......
the whole insanity of the situation is that i know im going insane.....does that make sense?
i have been told ...."forget it".......hmmmmm well i guess insanity is the only way u erase ur memory so is their suggestion acting up on there own?? maybe......god bless them i think they should start suggesting themselves some things... ....
im in a rude mood today happens when u sleep too much i guess.......
well .....

can u sell sand?

im sure

it wud make very good business.......

coz

sand castles are

what everyone likes to make.....

and yet

they wash away

with one wave....

and well by next morning

it is but only a dream

....

so sell sand

that washes away

the fastest

and hence

needed by people the most

im sure,

a lot of people are buyers

coz dreams dont cease

they will cease

once u sell sand

i have some in my pouch

want it?

i sell it cheap......

two prayers answered

on friday the 13th
the gods seem to be listening.......
or is the super and the subconcious...????
ur inputs friends......been long i have seemm anybody who seem to be logging in and putting their inputs
kya baat hai titash?????? we dont love the same gods but we do love gods isnt it?

un aankho ke peeche
poore hote khwab,
mere khwabo se pare....

aankhe uski thhi kabhi,
sapne humare..
palke meri thhi kabhi,
aansu humare...

ab 'ham' jaisa kuch bhi nahi
ek aarzu hai, ek hone ki

euphoria

"dont read too much into it"
thats what people have been telling me.....
people....... dont understannd that love is all about that
hmmmm
well what do i understand about people anyway
but well i wanna read into it......for one reason....im in love and this euphoria gives me happiness,
life is all abt euphoria isnt it?
itys all fake
ive been living fake
but now atleast im happy ....faking to my own self that it all exists.........
not reading too much into it........just wishing....dreaming again.....
.........waiting for all the dreams to shatter yet again.....and this time i dont want them to leave any traces........
and well happy birthday to a very special person in my life......annie ma'am
hmmmm adi seems to be blue........dee is bluer.......i hate to see her like this.................

im lucky

some people say im lucky!
i am...i really am
thanks to those who make me lucky
the question is what is it that is of my own.....????? what is it that is made by me?
where is me in my luck
i have many reasons to comnplain it seems......

ahem! am i allowed here?

so here goes......shadows has been on a ignore god spree in the last few months but seems that she is back......
recently she picked a bible from a friends place (u cud call this place secular....coz we have people from all faiths in india here....atleast the main ones.......a hindu, a muslim, a sikh, and a guy who believes more in the church than the temple.......{ok ok i know thr are other faiths too but i guess this proof of secularity is enough ....considering that this 2 bedroom appartment accomodates only these many guys}).....hmm and i was told that i shouldnt pick it up coz i wont value it!....hm in a way he is right.....a lot of people wont value another religions holy book.....but i think it is great way of knowing that (god or no god) all religions have a basic core......AND that core is what humanity is based on........considering that i read it only for the sake of reading it ....and knowing that all pieces of literature poetry art music can only come from god......to me beauty comes from god.......

that brings me to the point as to why i am writing this post at all........
a friend asked me in the wee hours....."do u believe in god?" a question to me who was in complete denial..........denial of god ....denial of his grace,
anyway .....im in denial of his grace even now.....but then the sinple question with a simpkle answer......."yes" or a "no"
i couldnt let myself say "no" coz no matter what ...i can only say yes.......god exists......inside me......like in all......but well gracefull he isnt.......still isnt.....
maybe as mayank says "there are times when u shud leave things to him." something that some one else also said "ur not omnipotent......u cant handle everything"....so i leave it to him/her.......lets see what it brings to me......now im learning urdu.....i wanna read the quran sharif in urdu.......no arabic is too tough for me! aqnd maybe i will learn hebrew some day too........
allah hafiz.....

friends forever

my life seems to be revolving around a couple o people for sometime each few months.......apart from few stable characters like adi, dee, vamsi.....rest of the friends are like come and go........we hang out ....talk, chill and relax.....and thats about it....
so shadows has a new circle these days...one that compromises of a so called crush(how far can euphoric pretence go!?) ......i know im going to find a new circle soon. anyway coming back to where i started...i saw these best friends separating today....irritating actually....coz they still care abt each other......they'r just moving apart coz of a stupid fight.....hmph........just msgd dee asking what wud happen if we land up in situation like that.....and well i wasnt very convinced.....and i come back to the eternity forever phobia i have developed in the past few weeks.....

adi provokes.......

rules of the game.

1. Name the person who tagged you.

2. Eight things about you.

3. Tag six people. (no, this i won't agree to. i can't)

hmmm.....how the hell do i find out abt the eight things in me......are they not already widely known?

1. ahem....i really cant even find the first thing about me.....so may be i think i will find it a boring thing to do......

so right now im half drunk ......trying not to feel frustrated abt yesterday.......and well im listening to one of my favourite songs ......(kabhi kabhi mere dil mein khayal aata hai....and after a long time i have qued up all old hindi favourites.....)

2. lately i have been writing poetry everyday ...and i dont wanna share them so tearing them off ....yes poets .....dont freak out

and been thinking lesser and lesser....

3. i am so completely in love with sam and im trying hard to fall for the wrongest of guys....one the girls should generally stay away from.....

4. i am a jack of all trades.......and i really mean all trades..i can sing, dance, draw, sculpt, click away, travel, play the guitar(err....a lil), cook, talk, be good at computers, and well i have also learnt how to ride a bike (what say people ....???),......oh! just to add to my fame i have learnt how to sketch with my left hand.....

5. well ....now a lil demeaning to myself...im bad at sports probably except kho kho which i hate playing.......i cant make jokes outta the blue....when i joke im generally sarcastic and not joking......

6. i have a very wierd "first impression syndrome" i dont like a guy or gal in first go means i dont like that person at all....and even if i make myself like that person .....sooner or later i get to know that my intution was right and yeah i love guys with brains....i cant handle dumb guys.....(so anyone who reckons he has brains...can probably take up the vacant post of a boyfriend......for a few days atleast...hehe smirks garfield like)

7. ummmm....my favourite job would be where i could do everything....travel, sing, dance, design, talk to people, be my own boss.....and well learn to live my life and love myself......

8. i apparently think that i look good in anything.......short skirts to sarees...

that explains it......

wierd days

some days are really wierd.....
those who drink may know.......say, ur drinking.....and u have probably just had ur first drink and started having fun.....
and then someone walks in saying "ma'am, its time for us to wind up" what do u do....????? wind up and leave...u still have more drinks in ur bag ........places to go...but as u get near ur place people start saying no lets not drink today "i leave" and one by one every one leaves.....and then that one last person who said that ok we will drink once we get to our place also sleeps off.....its bloody three in the morning and ime xactly in that state....now im going to start drinking again...probably alone....
i was supposed to go and meet one o my very good friends today but outta sheer laziness i refused to budge from my bed.......and then some o my opther friends who were supposed to join me for lunch arrive royally at 5 in the evening by then the lunch is over and my stomach has given up on the grumbling.
dad screams at me for spending more than i should and we just go to the puja pandal.........i just hate the sight of the durga murti in our pandal this year.....i just come out....my friends do too after a bit of babe watching......we buy some drinks (i bottle of vodka and 4 beers to be precise) for the 6 of us for the night and go to noida......and what comes up??? nothing...we are told to pack up as soon as i have just started having fun.......

tomorrow is another day ,,,people say hopefully .....but then im not waiting for tomorrow anymore.....
i just lay back every night and think.....may this have been the last day of my life.....may i just not wake up to another sun.....another day .......i have had a good day today and thats why may just god /devil come up and say "wind up, its time"
but then would there have to be another life??