ahem! am i allowed here?

so here goes......shadows has been on a ignore god spree in the last few months but seems that she is back......
recently she picked a bible from a friends place (u cud call this place secular....coz we have people from all faiths in india here....atleast the main ones.......a hindu, a muslim, a sikh, and a guy who believes more in the church than the temple.......{ok ok i know thr are other faiths too but i guess this proof of secularity is enough ....considering that this 2 bedroom appartment accomodates only these many guys}).....hmm and i was told that i shouldnt pick it up coz i wont value it!....hm in a way he is right.....a lot of people wont value another religions holy book.....but i think it is great way of knowing that (god or no god) all religions have a basic core......AND that core is what humanity is based on........considering that i read it only for the sake of reading it ....and knowing that all pieces of literature poetry art music can only come from god......to me beauty comes from god.......

that brings me to the point as to why i am writing this post at all........
a friend asked me in the wee hours....."do u believe in god?" a question to me who was in complete denial..........denial of god ....denial of his grace,
anyway .....im in denial of his grace even now.....but then the sinple question with a simpkle answer......."yes" or a "no"
i couldnt let myself say "no" coz no matter what ...i can only say yes.......god exists......inside me......like in all......but well gracefull he isnt.......still isnt.....
maybe as mayank says "there are times when u shud leave things to him." something that some one else also said "ur not omnipotent......u cant handle everything"....so i leave it to him/her.......lets see what it brings to me......now im learning urdu.....i wanna read the quran sharif in urdu.......no arabic is too tough for me! aqnd maybe i will learn hebrew some day too........
allah hafiz.....