6 wierd things in me

..
well .....

im very wierd.....

really really wierd...my friends would agree....wierdness is in my bones, no maybe my very soul....

wierd soul it is.....

so what are the six most wierd things in me? lets see.......................................

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1. 1.I'm very random ...it means really random.....even the proposal to the one person be my one and only love...was a random thought ....though i knew i was in love i never thought i wud propose....well .....hmmm i shop randomly ....though i dont over spend...dont think what i have to buy....just buy it coz i like it (that reminds me i did a lot of shopping today). i go off to odd destinations....get down at unknown bus stops ....just to look through the place....like the oddest flowers(by the way those who wanna give me flowers for some or the other reason......i like carnations....in assortment of colors...)i write random things ....even design randomly....i like things random.....not too ordered places are my favourite....thats y maybe i like the disorder at home.....and non geometrical shapes.....
2. i love being the kid...i mean talking like a kid, pamperred like a kid, wearing frocks(i cant fit into any now), wishing on stars....et all.....i dont know why...maybe coz i remember nothing of the time i was 5 or 6 or 7 or even 8...... ummm but i also know it irritates a lot of people so i most of the times do it with just myself....
3. most of the things i have written have been torn by me or burnt ....i dont like keeping some memories with me....i can do any wierd thing in anger....i gues the wierdest was writing a suicide note ....with apologies for wasting the paper, the pen, the ink, the copy and the time of the police who wud have investigated my suicide.....unfortunately that never happened....my suicide wud have made a lot of people laugh thr heads off.
4. wen i m upset i make faces at myself in the mirror....is that wierd? it makes me laugh .....yeah that is wierd....
5. i like to doodle on my jeans....i just sit at subhash and doodle with some black or blue pen.....sometimes even with paint....my mom goes crazy....i draw up cartoons and figures...and wierd shapes...sometimes even render them.....

6. welll another wierdo habit i have is wearing different earrings on different ears.....i mean it wud not even be same kinds...just arbid....like sa im wearing a white t shirt with black trousers....i might be wearing one black and one white earring.....sometimes not eevn a color match is seen!....i just pik two and wear.....NO PAIRS......

system hibernating

dont read this one..........................
.......................and if u already have started ..............dont think too much.....i am not thinking myself...just writing arbitary things...............

the title says it all..
im going in hibernation......i wanna keep my feelings to myself ...all of them.....even dissapointments, love,
the pain i can bear myself.....jo thoda bahut share hota thha woh bhi ab nahi hoga.....

on the other hand...
im trying hard to sleep and i'm failing miserably.....
i guess i need it....pretending can only fool mom and dad not my body and mind..ive become violent....ive become hyper reactive....
i laugh and i cry even at slightest provocation...my head is aching with all the fill up......i guess i will blog though.....can't bear a cold war ...i like things out in the open........another thing i noticed i like to have the love in front of me...anyone.......no from afar love for me........if that was what i wanted i wud have made up the people who love me......may be i do .....maybe no one exsists ...they are all in my head .. am i making sense....???? well i never did.i never do...wonder why people think i do?....maybe i think that they think i make sense. im nobody....im nobody.. nobody needs nobody! maybe life wont need me anymore....but even god doesnt need nobody! then i wont die....who he needed he took away....now can i become a ghost?neither here nor there!haunt all those who may need me....but then one who i needed isnt here......I AM STILL A TISSUE PAPER..naah im 'nobody'!
NOBODY needs NOBODY......THEN I NEED ME .......hmmm then i need nobody...nobody needs me......i can stay alone all my life...someday i wud dope....i want to feel what being ecstatic with nothing feels like......what wanting no one feels like......what exhilaration feels like......what nobody feels like....now that im nobody i guess the time has come......it maybe soon enough.....maybe a couple o days more......

अकेले कमरे में सिमटी सी बैठी हूँ
साथ में अंधेरा है, चार दिवारें,
और एक टूटी सी चारपाई!

some more answers...

who or what is GOD?

• Man is god. Or potentially god.
• True divinity is within. But to reach inside and realise this, is the challenge we all fail.
• To believe in ones self and to take responsibility of everything in life - that is god.
• There is no other god anywhere else.

how will u define GOD?

• Just answered that above.

what place does he have in ur life?

• Well its like asking...what place do you have in your own life? :)

the blue adi

adi is blue....
the bue adi is much more adorable than the yellow adi..several reasons..one coz its nice to imagine the sweetu to be fuming and irritated abt something...oops !!!i meant everything.
two coz atleast wen adi is blue i know he is not pretending..he is being himself...he alwas tries so hard to not let anyone know he is upset or tensed....he is forever smiling ..and even wen not smiling then just saying that he is ok. either lying to us or to himself.....by us i mean dee and me

today he just wont listen that he is worthy of everything..every praise that he gets....that he writes amazing poetry, is a good guy, so on and so forth....adi dint want to listen!!he just twisted my each word to what he wants it to mean.....other than me i guess all others were mean twisted souls for him today....and well i was the mad one....
adi the poet was sad today....really pissed of
"f***ing scr*wed" as he said it......ppl look into it and rise to the occasion .....make the sad prince smile if u can .....

from 'titash nodir tire'

this is something i read in a blog tracin jesus -1

Close your eyes. Take a deep breath. Silence the voices within. Go deaf to the voices without. Relax. And then feel the force that is in you. The force that has infinite power to do good. The force that makes you feel positive, happy and in harmony with your surroundings. That is the god within you. The stronger you feel this force, the closer you are to divinity. The closer you are to god. And when you open your eyes, you smile and only goodness comes out of you. Good actions, good speech, good thought.

You are now Jesus. Jesus the god, Jesus the divine. You are also Muhammad. You are also Ram, Buddha. You are one with the divine being.



read on.......for more......
he has a good blog......and funnily he is aethist

going to yet another trip

Srinagar and the Houseboats

i am going to kashmir tomorrow ...with my family...to be very honest
going to a vacation with my family has always meant going alone ...rather should i say it has always felt I'm travelling alone....coz its meant looking at beautiful spots as if they were all mine...as if this was just a dream...which is waiting to be revisited....it all started with the visit to manali wen in 2000

'Me' fabulously in love with a dream...manali is beautiful specially coz we were staying at a cottage on the other side of manali..thr were fewer human beings straying up to me.....the river gushing by, telling its many tales.....the trees reaching up to heavens and if possible they even whisper to gods abt the ongoings on mother earth..even complaints i guess....and of course the stars which seem to have come down to the land ...twinkling mischieviously from the most unlikely places in the ever so

cold night ......cool dark all around...i used to sneak out of the room to wander alone in the night.....feeling the cold touch me

inside...feeling the loneliness creeping over me ...and yet ...feeling complete.....i walked up to chota manali ....a hot water spring which was compassed within a temple and walking back all alone.....looking at the kids playing with a foreigner .....using the latters cricket kit while the mother zoomed around(as fast as she cud in the mountains on a kinetic honda) the lil small inclined park....finding out the lil hidden spots where lovers had etched thr names....and the feeling of being so small in the enormous mountains....i feel at ease in the mountains.....my fears subside....my self conciousness vanishes....i dont think of anyone not liking me....it
hardly matters what deadlines i have tomorrow....i feel like sketching the vast landscapes and then feel it wud probably be a insult to capture eternity on apiece of paper....i love those lil flowers which pop up behind rocks now and then, and suddenly catching more of my attention than a whole mountain can...

but one thing i miss is sam...i keep feeling guilty that im enjoying all these moments alone wen he is not thr to see gods glory in the colours of the mountains.....in the coordination of the lil flower and the humoungous rocks....in the river ..soo violent and the smoothest of rocks....perfect....he told me that he has never been to the mountains....and i loved it wen i went to mussourie with him....we walked down the whole mall road and more..ate at a queer chinese resturant ....made friends with the owner and ended up having free dinner ..played the guitar...walked through the clouds(literally) could just think its soo cold and yet enjoyed it soo much...hug him and sleep in the bus...eat treacle.

i wud have loved to go to kashmir with him...the valley is known to be heaven on earth....my heaven is staying in a sticky city....looking around for a house...trying to survive....wanting food to eat....and i am supposed to be going out with my family...by flight...i wish i could just go off in a general compartment to just see him for once.....healthy, happy and sleeping peacefully....it wud have made my heaven much more perfect than any other heaven on earth...maybe kashmir will be another entry in the diary of "places to visit again, this time with sam"

image : http://lava.nationalgeographic.com/pod/pictures/sm_wallpaper/NGM1999_09p6-7.jpg

endless nights

its worth less actually
waking up all night...thinking about nothing...
just having ur eyes open ....staring at nothingness....sometimes sitting up ....sometimes lying back and just tossing around as if on a bed of ice.....
reading ...writing ....listening to some odd song playing itself over and over again.... sleep eludes u ...for some reason even in the early hours of the day u know u need to sleep....people will be concerned abt the light falling out of ur window...in my case-doors.
and thousands of questions float inside u? worthless questions u decide and then u remember a blog saying "why do we ask questions??" i m in no mood to tag or i wud have ......
u keep thinking i need to sleep someone would not be too happy to see me after 6 months with dark circles around my eyes...he has worked too hard to get rid of them.....they are back and no amount of kajal can actually hide it...apparently wonders of make up dont work on me ....
the most dreaded responses ever come to ur mind....u have nothing to do. u know a endless day stretches before u ....amazingly right now im thinking ....why am i using "u" instead of "i"..... someone had read my portfolio and asked ""is the word "i" not something that u like to use......?""
life has become a paradox of kinds.....
u scream no one can hear u !
u want people to help, u out u never ask for help!
ur silently killing urself... knowing one day there is no end to all this....
u know people think ur bluffing.....only u and ur heart knows why u are bluffing .....
the problem is people think ur bluffing things that u arent
and u know ur bluffing things that people can never catch

i love it wen people speak my language.....coz sometimes im short of words.....yeah sometimes i am short of words....
sam told me yesterday that m words are making no sense.....i need to sleep!!
sleep?what sleep?these nights are endless.....



image courtesy :http://parsimony.free.fr/images/insomnia.png

From the nothing comes everything

And everything becomes nothing

We got spirals of advices

Thousands of seas of wise words

But all human beings

Have their own reality

Every soul follows its route

With a different velocity

That's why, my dear ones,

when I die

Don't miss my presence

The pleasures we lived

The problems we went through

Learn from my mistakes

coz not always is the water clear

From the nothing comes everything

And everything becomes nothing

i just read this in a mail...dont know who wrote it!!...i m in no mood to think of what sense it makes.....its just that i know it does make some sense....

not always is the water clear.....the waters cant be murkier...believe me .....too much of filth around.

clutters

first of all sorry people ...those who have had to read some sill posts about my career and love and bullshit.....this what people do wen they are absolutely vella......

have read a couple of blogs in the last few days.....
just referring them .....

nureen

EM-silversurfer

shaumabh
abhimanyu
priestess
father and son story
jasmine

now u know how bored i have been with life...reading so many blogs and commenting on them........

well that has been so far what im bored with......wrote a couple of poems .......tore off even more ......

some how im looking forward to being insane.....well, a lil more than i am.....as in till i can be put into the asylum....i can assure u i have not been made to live there yet....

someone told me i need to have a happier blog.......

yeah its time i do have a 'happy blog'

but well on a happier note .....im making sure i learn how to change all these things on my blog...put pics and all.....the self tutoring starts tomorrow.....on a sadder note.....my results gonna be out tomorrow.......aha....i mean today......wen the dawn breaks.....

i have been missing someone ofcourse......
well one thing i promised wen i started this blog.......i would write about the damn world around me........seems like ever one is running a race ...i seem to be losing all the time...and well amazingly everyone seems to think the same way i do.....everyone seems to think his/her ass is being kicked...and well guess god has a lot of time on his hands......kicking everyone's asses

life sux big time.......u re just the ciggarette smoking out on it......(after all a ciggarette is also sucked) so much for a happy blog blah blah....i dont even have a talent of good humour........good for nothing bitch....
http://sreeti1.krify.com

yahoo...i can be a designer....

Your Career Type: Artistic

You are expressive, original, and independent. Your talents lie in your artistic abilities: creative writing, drama, crafts, music, or art. You would make an excellent: Actor - Art Teacher - Book Editor Clothes Designer - Comedian - Composer Dancer - DJ - Graphic Designer Illustrator - Musician - Sculptor The worst career options for your are conventional careers, like bank teller or secretary.

What's" Your Ideal Career?

ahem......just check the last line....

How You Are In Love

You take a while to fall in love with someone. Trust takes time. You give and take equally in relationships. You tend to get very attached when you're with someone. You want to see your love all the time. You love your partner unconditionally and don't try to make them change. You are fickle and tend to fall out of love easily. You bounce from romance to romance.

How Are You In Love?

the funniest thing is i cant bounce .....im too stuck up with this one guy....wish i could just bounce for once....

your love style

Your Love Style is Agape

You are a caring, kind, and selfless partner. Unsurprisingly, your love style is the most rare. You are willing to sacrfice your world for your sweetie. Except it doesn't really feel like sacrifice to you. For you, nothing feels better than giving to the one you love.

What's" Your Love Style?

im sorry i put such a depressing pik

fears are like claws.....they drag you into a labyrinth

rather like a quicksand...the more u fight the more ur dragged in....
with those claws clasped around.....do u really think u can move...??
its a losing fight.....a fight where whatever u do ....ur hurt and ull die with that fear....
im strangled now....i hate the feeling of thousands of odd things crawlin on me......killing me....its like dying everytime.....going back into the same phase...helpless...u open ur mouth but thr is no sound escaping ur lips.....u wanna scream...but u know u cant.....
u can feel the blood oozing out and u cant stop the pain......what do u do?
keep hurting urself..till wen this pain becomes unbearable and the fears start subsiding in ur pain....
wen nothing else but darkness surrounds u ......u are sinking.....
u are sinking into nowhere.....u cant come out.....u cant hide.....
u cant sleep anymore......
u can never sleep again.....