Thursday, February 09, 2006

pots and pains

this lump of clay we were trying to make into a pot..it had so many kankars in it..and they cant be felt from outside..u can just feel the clay! and wen u start kneading its then u feel thoe miniscule particles biting ur skin...they will only show thr real persona wen the clay is dry ..they form the cracks...bad ones...break the whole pot..or if ur on the potters wheel trying to work with that clay they will slice through ur skin AND BRAZE IT...

every thing is such a mixup for me..i cant feel just one feeling at a time
sometimes im angry and thats mixed with disgust for my own self
sometimes im plain pissed..but i wish it was just PLAIN. IT ALSO has that disgusting boredom with it
even sometimes guilt
then wen im happy im scared too..of losing it all
im sad and im satisfied that this is the perfect time to create..thats wen im happy that i can create wen im sad?uh mixture !
the other side of my feeling surfaces later...hurts and pinches if i try to knead it too hard..or if im fine tuning my emotions then it just slices me and i realise i shudnt have started on thinking abt my feeling....hmm right

now i think im the maddest person sitting in front of the computer screen

writing writing writing,,,also probably the sanest and th emost frustrated soul waiting to be taken over by sleep

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