matter of hearts

Now is the time when there is complete discrepancy between my brain and my heart… and though it may seem like that impractical chain of thoughts, it, is commonality in my life.
So, here is the case. I Aparna, am in love with a certain guy, let’s call him ‘A’. now ‘A’ is in love with another person called ‘B’ and miss ‘B’ is in love with another person ‘C’ who I don't know is whether in love with anyone else or not. Now ‘A’ is the ideal kind of guy everyone who remotely knows him falls in love with him. You know the sweet, cute, talented, et al… one of the few exceptions being ‘B’. I mean every girl he talks about, whoever knows him a little; they have had a crush on him. And they have been smarter, cuter, and the likes of what an ideal girl should be. but well every human has this uncanny tendency to go after what is not easily attainable… and that’s what is the case in the point.

And now is my problem… I’m seriously in love with him. I mean after Sam I had not believed that will happen so that’s saying something… in fact come to think of it if Sam and ‘A’ were in the same room it will still be ‘A’ I would notice and smile for. Alright, the thing is I really want this guy to be with me, forever, if possible… I want this guy to love me and all that… but, ‘A’ is an exceptional emotional fool. Loves ‘B’ like crazy… can’t get over her. I really ‘really’ would be able to get over him the minute I want. The thing is I don't want to get over him… I mean its crazy but I’m really ready to wait for him all my life… practically it is possible that he falls for me, but then I’m just another one in the queue. Isn’t the first chick in line more likely to get lucky? And then frankly if I have to get over him, I need to just break away for a little while. As in, cut off. And that is not something I want to do at this moment. What helps me is the fact that my dearest ‘A’ and me are very good friends, doesn’t help, he gets upset by the fact that I’m in love with him. Its strange how when he speaks about ‘B’, he says the same things I feel about him and I feel there is no point in even saying them aloud.

The purpose of my life for the last one year is lost. “I am the most important person in my life” bullshit… practically I can live my life without him. But then like the romantic of a lost cause… what is life without him really?? Why would I want to live if I couldn’t even have him… whoa... that is cheezy corny and all that but right now i cant help it. jesus friggin christ...help....!!! no i dont need advice... i just need a better guy.... believe me thats hard to find.