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Not so young Fashion Graduate From National Institute of Fashion Technology (NIFT), Delhi, India. Aspiring journalist. Amongst other eclectic hobbies, she likes writing and has written several poems and articles over her school and college life and now for a living. She would someday like to be be a more popular writer than just on her blogs. 'Tis a lady of grand splendor, who waketh in my bed every morning while the sun beckons her towards night...

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Blank

in the last two weeks, ive been trying to 'live' life......partying hard .....d.rinking everynight.....and for a change i have been getting drunk......losing control......well and all that happens is i end up feeling more lonely than ever.
im sitting in a computer class.....trying to figure out why i am sitting here if i dont even want to hear my faculty speaking but instead check my mails and write something......mmmmmm NO CLUE........
dee has been extremely worried about me.......why? what for? she is my friend, she cares.....and yet i know it wont matter after a few years....she will be her own way i will be on my own...all that we might do is remember these times .....and laugh abt it....
its a sense of loss ive come to.....ive lost myself....its not the same aparna anymore......i have learnt to say "no" i have stopped giving out a hand to people when they ask for it...... im trying to be a narcissist....was sam supposed to have this kinda effect on me? the other day i found myself thinking about why i was and am in love with him... i just am....couldnt find the answer to my 'why'.....funny i dont find answers.....ever...
all im doing is smoking my self up......ciggarettes after ciggarettes after cigarettes.......and faking everything.....walking into the class...saying fake "hi!'s" and smiling and going to work.....staying up all night watching the fan......or flicking the ash.....drifting off to sleep somewhere early morning.....my routine.....thr is no emotion left.....i just laugh....sake of laughing.......i have stopped thinking...

the mind has become a moron........
coz im trying to be what i never have been
the saturation has come...
there lies no point....
a empty coffin
a carcassed body
vultures dont feed on me anymore.....
bones have rot too
the mind has become a moron
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