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Not so young Fashion Graduate From National Institute of Fashion Technology (NIFT), Delhi, India. Aspiring journalist. Amongst other eclectic hobbies, she likes writing and has written several poems and articles over her school and college life and now for a living. She would someday like to be be a more popular writer than just on her blogs. 'Tis a lady of grand splendor, who waketh in my bed every morning while the sun beckons her towards night...

Sunday, December 28, 2008

greys and blues

winter in fashion terms has always had greys and blues in the palette more than any other color. and strangely i defy it, i love wearing bright reds and pinks and purples. more because winters always leaves me in a blue and some greys.
for the first time in 2 years im actually contemplating suicide. and a very practical suicide at that. but dont want to consult suicide helplines and all. heard there are such things, question is why would a person who  is contemplating suicide look for a help line, there may be some reasons that im listing out here :
  1. they need their last contact with the material world
  2. they need suggestions and help as to how to commit a foolproof suicide
  3. they need to really know whether their life is worthless (that is another point of notice... why would anyone who is not worthless/jobless need to know this?)
  4. they really dont want to commit suicide, they just wanna try how it feels. i.e. they are bored
  5. or it simple means that suicide helplines are undercover pimp lines which provides men or women to desperate people who actually need sex instead of a suicide, which they are too scared to commit in the first place.
  6. related to point # 5 they are all the virgins (the ones promised by gods), and they need to know whether there are any suicide bombers coming upto them in some time...
and hence the world moves on. there are going to be weird questions about this post. the point is that i have nothing better to do, or to look forward to. im utterly miserable, bored, pissed at this world, the people, my neighbours, even the dog who decided to paw my favourite muffler and tear it, affectionately ofcourse. or maybe it was a tool, a sign, from heavens to show that finally miss aparna... you have been proven useless. the strange thing is... im correcting my own sentences even at this "i dont giv a damn" point. where im atleast convincing my self that "i dont giv a damn"
there are various things i have to do though...try cocaine.. for one... maybe die of an overdose... and know im no kurt cobain. i dont have gun, a band, a girlfriend, or fame, or for that matter even a toy guitar. all i know how to play on the guitar is "zombie"... my life's ambition....

im so random...and predictable
currently listening to: radiohead, hinder, coldplay, metallica
currently reading: my own blog
current mood : pathetic
recently watched :hancock (strange name for a super hero), cars(the animated movie), national treasure II, futurama 
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