greys and blues

winter in fashion terms has always had greys and blues in the palette more than any other color. and strangely i defy it, i love wearing bright reds and pinks and purples. more because winters always leaves me in a blue and some greys.

for the first time in 2 years im actually contemplating suicide. and a very practical suicide at that. but dont want to consult suicide helplines and all. heard there are such things, question is why would a person who  is contemplating suicide look for a help line, there may be some reasons that im listing out here :

1. they need their last contact with the material world
2. they need suggestions and help as to how to commit a foolproof suicide
3. they need to really know whether their life is worthless (that is another point of notice... why would anyone who is not worthless/jobless need to know this?)
4. they really dont want to commit suicide, they just wanna try how it feels. i.e. they are bored
5. or it simple means that suicide helplines are undercover pimp lines which provides men or women to desperate people who actually need sex instead of a suicide, which they are too scared to commit in the first place.
6. related to point # 5 they are all the virgins (the ones promised by gods), and they need to know whether there are any suicide bombers coming upto them in some time...

and hence the world moves on. there are going to be weird questions about this post. the point is that i have nothing better to do, or to look forward to. im utterly miserable, bored, pissed at this world, the people, my neighbours, even the dog who decided to paw my favourite muffler and tear it, affectionately ofcourse. or maybe it was a tool, a sign, from heavens to show that finally miss aparna... you have been proven useless. the strange thing is... im correcting my own sentences even at this "i dont giv a damn" point. where im atleast convincing my self that "i dont giv a damn"

there are various things i have to do though...try cocaine.. for one... maybe die of an overdose... and know im no kurt cobain. i dont have gun, a band, a girlfriend, or fame, or for that matter even a toy guitar. all i know how to play on the guitar is "zombie"... my life's ambition....

im so random...and predictable

currently listening to: radiohead, hinder, coldplay, metallica

currently reading: my own blog
current mood : pathetic

recently watched :hancock (strange name for a super hero), cars(the animated movie), national treasure II, futurama 

what else do i say?

I'm choking on my own silences.

There is, but, little hope of a CPR.

There is no good man around.

There is nothing left,

But the voice box.

And crackled pretentious voices are heard.

Like old broken radios.

There is calling out.

Now that im full,

While every one is gay,

I just ate silences,

Handfulls gobbled down in hurry,

The table was full,

Of silenced images, 

And a box of pickled love.

and now i choke...

on silences and shadows..

Fairy Tales in Trunks

Pages which turn moldy, slimy,

And crumble into white ash,

Were once enameled,

And then mites came over and over,

Gnawing the enamel coated years away.

They ate through the skin,

Then started on the flesh,

Not once did that hurt,

No pain that the facade showed,

They just gnawed the memories away.

And one day ants ate the mites away,

They bit and snapped,

Hurt and pained,

They pinched and clawed,

Some mites remained…

And sprays didn’t work,

On these mites or on the ants,

The pages turned yellow and then green,

When the book was taken out,

It fell apart,

With the relics of some ants and mites,

None of the pages flew,

Just parts,

Unreadable words that vapourised.

The story ends right here,

Never got to know what fable it told,

There were no silver armoured princes,

Who rode white stallions,

Rode like the wind…

To sleeping princesses

currently listening to: radiohead, tokyo police club, the fray

currently reading: pukhraj (gulzar)
current mood : pathetic

recently watched : rab ne bana de jodi (yeah i know i have sunk to a new low), balls of fury, bill and ted (adventures and bogus journey),andaaz apna apna 

reasons why terrorists won't attack chennai or kolkata

1. there are various but lets start with this.... both these cities are extremely crowded... there is perpetual traffic jam... even if the terrorist did want to bomb a certain place at a certain time, it would be impossible to get there on time because of the incessant traffic jam. and the bomb might just blast off making the terrorist immortal and register himself on the martyr list.
2. both the cities are high on humidity levels, and when i say high i mean really high i mean really really HIGH... HIGH HIGH. now that you have got the point, the bombs just wont blast, they will try to blast, but end up just fizzing around and making people think that the bomb is some kinda snake.... they will be terrorised neverthless. 
3. both the cities (with due respect, to atleast kolkata) stink. there is a perpetual over flow of  nali water. i'm sure the terrorists dont want to wade through 3 feet water before they get round to terrorising people... and they will stink.... of the nalis. and the fact that they have been apparently trained in dry areas, that is not a very good place to be in. 
4. there is only so much of maach bhaja  and dosa sambhar a person can eat. since the dry fruit stock is no longer going to remain dry (see pt. 2 for reason) they have to eat local food to survive. and that is possible only if the terrorist hire the local people who are used to such food. and that is difficult... all chennai people and the kolkata people are very sentimental about their cities.
5. people in these cities are loud. they can scream at the top of their voices, out doing a loudest microphone by a large margin, and specially the women, and these women are trained spies of their own accord. and if anyone gets a sniff of the terrorists trying to terrorise, they will scream and alert everyone within the radius of 3 miles before the terrorists can silence them. and the people will beat them up relentlessly, they would not wait for the police to arrive. since they know that the police or the authorities will be stuck in the traffic snarls mentioned in pt. 1. 
6. these cities are both terrorised already by jayalalitha and mamta banerjee respectively, y confront them?
7. the terrorists are human too, they know that kolkatans and chennaiites already go through a lot in a day. hanging in a local train in the high humidity & stink (pt 2 & 3 for ref.) having to suffer the rain all year. and then the potholes... and ofcourse the two mighty women (pt. 6), im sure they dont want more woes on these poor people...

jokes apart, its a good thing such a thing hasnt happened in my beloved kolkata, and other's beloved chennai. and i wish they remain the same. happy terrorising to these two cities.