"B"

18th July, 2008
Of all the people in the world who could have messaged me… ‘B’ messaged me today. It came as a surprise, shock, a little bit of pain and with nothing really important in it. Just a forwarded advert of some site “’B’ invites you to @#$%.com…” something like that.
And of all the reactions I could have had for this incidence, all I did was message ‘A’ that this happened and sat muted for about 2 hours in one corner of the office. This did not help in anyway.
The reason being… none. There was no reason. Other than maybe the fact that it hit me, for once, that she was a real person. Like a real person with real voice, eyes, nose, flaws and all that. Not like an angel. I don't know whether that is a good thing or bad.
Good, cause I realized she has ‘flaws’, human flaws, she is just another girl, but better than me (that’s the bad thing) at least for me. To me whenever I thought of ‘B’ before, she was always like an angel, come down from heaven. So she was/is perfect for ‘A’… well, and I never was/am. I am “just a very good friend”. But the thing is she is human, like me, like ‘A’ and it might just happen, that, this angelic human, falls for him. She is not out of reach, especially for him. Wish I could talk to her once. Ask her “why not?”… I have wished that a million times. Even when I am supremely drunk and not able to think anything else. Maybe that’s the thing. I wish she would just fall in love with him so that I can phase out of his life. In a way I already am phased out. Or maybe not, hopes…

“But I get carried away with every day
And every fantasy
the deeper the wound,
the harder I swoon and wish that that was me”

It’s like I am waiting to be hurt. So bad, that I don't recover. When will I learn to stop?

This is getting really boring. Even when I read it back. For Christ sake, can my life become anymore boring than what it was previously… apparently it can. How boring is my blog now can someone please express in words?