five point no one

there are two posts coming up today...hopefully that is...

the one has been majorly waiting to get her internship... somewhere, where she would want to work. where she would like working... or which will give her enough to gloat about. well, especially since off late there has been nothing to be even remotely be happy about. not on any front... been pissed about the forever syndrome. or even what the one calls april blues.

baxi had told the one to leave her past behind and see if she can bring about a change in her life. the one tried to a lot. left her past behind. moved ahead. with new zeal, a new promise that she wont let herself down. she would not require things around her to pep her up... mere musings, thats what they turned out to be. whether the one wants to bury them or not is a different thing. well humans have a automatic shovel that they keep digging out old things. or open up locked cupboards. does the one break down coz of that?? well, not initially. she keeps braving it. she also faces the fire, head on.. but then its a TNA situation. there is no alternative. fall, face forward. her fame follows her everywhere, that of a loser. but then again. the point is....if jim morrisson was a loser, were we talking about his virginity...

yeah random randomness.

so here is the one with no internship in hand. she has not even tried. thats what is most pissing off. she is a five point no one... with no will to be someone, anyone at all... has she given up??? think she is on this brain break.. she has now started digging her own grave. she has made awesome plans. there is going to be a bucket list soon on the blog. how soon? no idea...she is on a portfolio making spree. she has kind of succeeded.. but then again success is a matter of relativity. succeed in comparison to? no one... five point no one... there is no one she wants to show it to, anyway. how will it make a fucking difference. why is she wanted? she needs to think differently. maybe she should take a jog down the railway track

. the one has decided to take a jog...

decisions to implementations thats what makes all the difference.

this post was supposed to come on on sunday..

the one is relatively calmer

-- --If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.---

mission pendulum

But I'm a creep,
I'm a weirdo,
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here;

I don't care if it hurts,
I wanna have control,
I want a perfect body,
I want a perfect soul;

I want you to notice,
When I'm not around,
You're so fuckin' special,
I wish I was special....

lyrics from the track: creep
performed by: Radiohead

in strange way I'm very much in the 'creep' mode... or what i have recently named the pendulum mission... named after the severe mood swings that are being faced. its a month of timely depressions. they come every April. all the hallucinations, irritations... in bones' words "loser oriented talks". don't care how they really bug the shit out of me.... i need to take a break in april... the supposed most crucial month of the year... also it's funny that the birthday is at the end of this month. maybe the body is in the automatic cycle of the mourning for the birth of the April depressionist. i watched the sweeney todd completely today. hmmm.... well i thought it would be darker... i had seen it in parts and well its amazing... amazingly made... tim burton at his best yet again... and it just makes me fall for johnny depp even more. couldnt believe he did all the songs himself. hmmmm sigh... can thr ever be another depp....??
i end here, with a foot note... " april is the cruelest month"
and nothing ever happens...godot never arrives