Rex In The City

Food Fest @ JNU

2012-01-27T17:14:00.001+05:30

Delhi students were given a rather global treat this Republic Day. Jawaharlal Nehru University had its Annual International Food Festival on Thursday as Students from 14 different nations brought their traditional dishes for the Delhiites to savor.

Dishes from Countries like Armenia, Tibet, France, Uzbekistan, Tajikistan, Iran, Laos and Vietnam etc. were put out by the student chefs and their friends and families, many bringing their flavor and ingredients from their own countries to get the original taste and aromas of their food. Students, food enthusiasts and young people from all over Delhi were here to taste the flavor and be transported to the far off lands with the essence, without having to pay the cost for the flight. The embassies also pooled in to help the stalls of their respective countries to provide traditional costumes, travel pamphlets and posters, and even Books. Diwash Gahatraj The music in the late evening were a perfect setting for this wonderful weather, plateful of flavorful evening and the colorful extravaganza in a truly universal way sharing cultures and making friends without having to really speak in the same language.

It is as Cesar Chavez said “If you really want to make a friend, go to someone's house and eat with him... the people who give you their food give you their heart.” 10 years and the festival will hopefully only get spicier every passing year

Reported by Aparna Mudi

The original Article Here

2012-01-16T17:24:00.001+05:30

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The Proposal Disposal Theorem

2011-11-22T16:11:00.001+05:30

The proposal, disposal Theorem

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Nov172011

Not everything goes according to plan. That has been man’s biggest problem since his inception. You plan one thing and then it metamorphoses into a completely different situation. I’m starting with such an immensely deep thought to just share a few of the lighter moments of our classes These are instances from our various classes which have made us pull our hair/laugh/bang our heads/ and share it with everyone immediately after the class with everyone else. The students have also done the same and then some. I think regular followers of our blog have read Ian’s Experience a few years ago. For those who haven’t. I think you all should.

Instance 1

– CSWC 47 – “They are making use of the adjectives in the class for other times. It was good to see them putting them into practice, for instance, while we were in the metro train during the metro visit a male passenger stood half asleep and the look was such that his eyes appeared bulging out. Pooja saw this and could not help but laugh and from this the sentence “He is scary” came out. The only problem here being, he wasn’t really sleeping and then actually gave us all a “scary” look

Instance 2

– CSWC 45 – “I was really upset that one of the trainees wasn’t regular to class. And was on one of the ‘You need to be more regular’ lectures. Having finished the adverbs class just before this session, one of the friends of this student piped up “Ma’am, don’t scold him. He works hardly”.

I tried to correct him saying “not 'hardly', he works 'hard'”
He – “No ma’am, he works hardly. He hardly works sincerely. aap bina jane bol rahe ho”
Me (in utter confusion)- but I agree with you, I know he is a hard worker.
“No ma’am, he has got so many gold coins. He hardly deserves them.”
The whole class supported him because he hardly works…
Hardly a day where I would have won the argument.

Instance 3 – Listening skills – We were playing Chinese whispers and I gave the sentence “the saxophone sounds beautiful” Student – “ma’am yeh sab baatein aise nahi bolte. Shadi hone ke baad bolte hain.” (Ma’am these are not things that you should say before marriage
Instance 4 – listening skills – in a rather peaceful discussion, suddenly I heard a commotion on the other side of the room. One of the guys just got up… and the next thing I know there are punches flying around. The lesson was crafty, and I was new, and the group dynamics were such that the whole situation promptly turned into a great fight. I was so shocked. I went in to separate them and tell them to quiete and calm down, which only happened after I pretended to get punched in my eye…in a purely hindi film way… with my “ouch” there was a deathly silence, and me taking the Mickey out of them and scaring them was, well, a great way to just make everyone back to being friends.

Instance 5 – Certificate ceremony – we had asked a couple of students to share their learning with the crowd. All the students were talking about their English, Confidence, and their friendships, and learning experience. The last one to speak however decided that he wants to be different “I learnt how to talk to good looking girls, without being nervous”. When he saw the look on everybody’s faces, he said “whether people agree or not, I know that’s a secret wish every boy of my age has”

Aparna

(*not ALL these experiences are mine. other facilitators have contributed too)

Untitled

2011-09-26T23:53:00.000+05:30

She lay,

She just lay

Next to me,

I read,

and she just kept looking up,

That’s all the moment had.

But, I never found the characters

Never saw their faces…

All I could see were hers,

While the heroine danced, I felt her move,

While the hero kissed,

I felt her lips smelling of cigars,

While the villain stabbed,

I felt her digging her nails to the soil…

And all she did was sit… gazing…

She didn’t blink,

Not once did she blink…

Not one word came out of her,

Not even when her mouth was full of maggots,

Not even when her skin turned from milk to mould…

For so I loved her,

She was told not to speak…

The last I heard her moan,

When I slit her open...

yaad series .... god knows which part

2011-08-30T23:57:00.002+05:30

Taken at Sundernagar (near Mandi) 14th August 2011

रात की छम सी ख़ामोशी

आसमान सितारे ओढ़े पहाड़ो पर बैठा है

पानी में ही कभी दिखता कभी ओझल होता चाँद|

सिर्फ चिनार से बातें करती ये हवा है,

या फ़िर से तेरी याद है?

picture (C) aparnamudi, aparnamudi@gmail.com

A Poem Written sometime in 2006 so pardon the sentiments

Currently listening to: chandrabindu

Currently reading: Fashion and textile Books

Recently watched : zindagi na milegi dobara (yes i am pretty ashamed of it) and finally Dark Knight

Spirituality

2011-08-07T02:00:00.000+05:30

I call out to Gods,
Save me from the ‘forever’
Don’t you resurrect me,
For I am not yours to do that.

I do not ask for your reflection inside me,
Nor Thy ‘holy’ spirit’
For your promises stay fictitious.

Your clawed hands scar me,
The dark ages had it right.
They cut me open wide,
You are but a poser, the false prophet yourself.
You create and then abandon,
annihilate everything like a sadist
And then you send prophets,
Who make justifications for your faux pas….
And exalt you…

A Poem Written sometime in 2006/2007 so pardon the sentiments

Currently listening to: Dory Previn

Currently reading: Gora, Rabindranath Tagore and Collected Short stories: Ruskin Bond

Recently watched : White Collar, Inception, The Kings Speech

2011-08-01T15:46:00.000+05:30

The monsoon is a beautiful time to be in Delhi. It doesn’t rain hard enough to buy boats and row across the roads; neither does it rain too scantily to make you feel that someone just turned the water supply off while showering. The skies are nice and grey, the leaves are greener, there are birds chirping and chattering away all day long, and the dust levels are down. Take your pick of what you love best about them. I, for one, love getting drenched in it, no matter how many sneezes follow a good shower. And that’s what I hate about this job (any job for that matter). Since I am setting an example for the students and neither of us can afford to fall ill, I can’t go out their and jump about. Uh! I sometimes wish I would remain a student all my life.

Students From Gurgaon ITI, Posing

But rains bring other things with it that can’t be seen otherwise. It brings with it ‘mischief’, ‘friends for life’ in the trees, the chirping crickets, the dirty mud and ‘imaginary experiences’ for the kids. And it brings me ‘time’ to watch these ‘kids-who-are-up-to-no-good’.

One of the most beautiful sights I have seen in a long time was recently when I was on my way back from Madanpur Center* from the CSWC class, was a branch of a huge tree growing sideways and a bunch of kids sitting/standing on it and swinging with all their might. Some terrified of the branch breaking, some screaming as we adults would scream on a Ferris wheel, some screaming from the ground that it was their turn. As I sat in the car, stuck in a traffic jam, the honking suddenly ceased in my head. There is a magical world, not unlike the harry potter books, where all these kids are transformed onto brooms and carpets that fly. They ride on the wings of enormous birds and they become catapult pullers in mighty dragon wars. And its joyous, how these simple games, that we have forgotten in the age of computers and mobile games and X boxes ruling everyone’s lives, can change an entire wet evening to an enchanting fairy tale. One of the things I enjoy doing outside my class.

I was in another class yesterday, and a trainee came up to me to ask for an ‘autograph’. ‘Wow!’ I thought, ’What in the world did I do to have this boy, who I have met for the first time in my life today, to come up to me?’ I managed to force seriousness on my gradually widening ‘ear-to-ear-smiley’ face. I protested, and then gave in, wrote some very serious life’s quotation as a message, and wrote my name down. On the way back, I thought do I really deserve this? I have been here 4 months, I am learning more than I am giving out, and this boy thinks I have taught him something? Not modesty to be honest. Just a little awed by these experiences. How life can make you feel larger than life, as well as grounded at the same moment. What tremendous responsibility comes with this status that trainees give you.

Sounds like a dialogue straight out of the Spiderman movie. But then, fairy tales as well as little moments and experiences have their lessons attached with them.

Till such time that I can still find these moments hidden like precious gems, the ‘high’ of the rains shall not pass.

Happy Monsoons everyone

Of deaths and other things

2011-05-05T23:43:00.002+05:30

The magic stays,

Even though you walked your own way,

I can still make the flowers bloom.

And you thought you were the only one who could,

You truly felt I couldn’t touch you,

My fingers can sift through the space time fabric,

I learnt that trick,

While you tried to hide it

In the blinding lights

Of that stage of yours.

You sit through my show,

And laugh at my fallacy,

While I know I’m right.

I know I would get it this time.

You stand there like a prude,

Wishing I never knew you.

‘Cause I shall surpass you.

I will catch up…

Even when you scamper

Through that speedway you can’t die again on.

chaand aur barish

2011-05-04T22:36:00.001+05:30

rain on my lense, just very strong drizzle

बारिश आज झगड़ रही है मुझसे खूब,

रंग लगाना है मेरे चेहरे पर,

कुछ make -up सा लगाना है,

के कोई न पहचाने,

बस धुंधली सी आँखें ही दिखे सबको मेरी!

कुछ जल सी जाती है,

उन सारे romeo 's के प्यार भरे ख़त में

मेरा ज़िक्र देख देख कर,

सोचती है की सारे मेरे लिए ही लिखे गए है |

और मैं उसके सामने खड़ा हो जाता हूँ,

के उसके आँचल में,

धुंधला के खो जाना अच्छा लगता है

इस झूठ को मैं टाल जाता हूँ,

और जकड लेता हूँ उसे अपने चारो ओर,

के हर romeo अपनी juliet को रात के अँधेरे में मिल लेगा|

आढ़ में उसकी जलन के,

उसी के आंसुओ के कुछ बूंदों में भीगते हुए

धुंधली रात में पहली बार चूमेंगे एक दुसरे को|

new year wishes

2011-05-04T22:10:00.001+05:30

hmmmm
a new year, is that what it is?
how do u define a new year? is it anyway different from a new month or a new week or a new day? perhaps not much different from a new moment too?
do u think we should be celebrating not only the new years but the new moments too?
.
.
.
in theory, yes it sounds so cool, so soul stirring, Zen like
the question is, can we?
nah! i don't think so and that is where these yearly celebrations come in.
a year in our calendar completes a of cycle. we humans are creatures of behavior, mind u. so we turn round and round in familiar notions of time and continuity and to-do-lists and happy new years.
but then, these are important.
these yearly celebrations.
.
.
.
they make us realize, that okay dude/dudette, whatever the heck you have been doing for the past 365 days, here is a time to at least look back and remember, the joys, sorrows, laughter, tears, trips, good times, bad times...whatever. we don't do this every moment, no problem; not every day or week or month, not that much of a problem, but this yearly celebration is a must.
so, for you, my advice/suggestion/request, please don't treat this mail as another piece of junk. just think about it.
.
.
.
make ur every breath count.
try to give your best to anything u r doing.
remember, that it is each single moment that will someday add up to a year and then eventually your life.
.
.
and if i could wish u a thing for the coming year, it would b this...

"On the next 31st of December, when you look back at the year gone by, may you find truth, peace and contentment in your heart."
.
.
.
amen

uski ankho me jugnu hain aur ye raat bohat lambi hai. . .kya ye roshni kafi hai muqqadar se ladne k liye.

2011-02-24T21:12:00.003+05:30

The lines are from someone else’s poetry and well she does write well. Everyone should check her out. When the statement was followed by comments on facebook, she explained that it was written about a student of hers who was suffering from TB and was very likely to die, as she can’t afford the treatment. But yet, she comes to school every day, even though it is of no use to her. Whatever one’s opinion might be, but ummeed pe duniya kayam hai. And why not?

Taken in Onkareshwar 2007, Narmada Ghats

For me, it is difficult to imagine a god that punishes little children with diseases and death and war and calamities ever so often. It is also difficult for me to believe in a god that would do this for revenge of our forefathers. And many a times, I have tried explaining it to myself why this happens. Well there is no reason at all. It is the larger picture that matters… the world will go on, with or without these children. It will grow, it will fall, the seasons will change, and it will come to an end in future, whether these children live or die today. Whatever the lifespan of a human or animal, they are there to maintain this balance in the universe.

So what if million of such insignificants are sacrificed in the process. But are they just sacrificed?

This little one comes to school every day, knowing she has no future, but she hopes she has. She hopes that someday her father will have enough money to get her treatment, she hopes that despite her condition, she can play, laugh, learn, fight, fall with all the other kids… atleast I hope she does. I also hope someone sees that life in her and helps her live more. It is often our attitude to our disability that is the biggest hindrance in our life. The disability or handicap in our heads that doesn’t allow us to be happy.

There is no ultimate success… otherwise, Bill Gates would have stopped at just being the richest man in the world… why would he work harder and run a company and make it bigger than it already was? It wasn’t greed, im sure the money he has is enough for all the worldly possessions and more. It was the want to be better than I am today. One can’t compete with someone else to be successful, I am more successful than X, and there would always be a Y who is more successful than you. So where does this competition end? It ends at where you are satisfied. If one just competes with today, you would always be better tomorrow. Then material failures won’t matter, neither would death, nor impending doom. I see children with down syndrome challenging themselves everyday and succeeding immensely, they enjoy each moment of happiness, not even thinking whether they would be able to repeat the same task effectively again or not. They may not be able to communicate properly, but they think, talk, laugh, enjoy and make other’s happy too. Is that a handicap? Or is it a bigger disability that you cant even keep peace, and talk and laugh in your own house every day?

Everyone has some talent or the other, whether it is singing beautifully, or writing enchantingly or simply giving joy, bringing up your children, give food to the birds, grow crops, bring up a business single handedly, talk nicely to others. So why crib about the Have Nots? I hope I see what I have and maybe use it...

“Life is a gift, and it offers us the privilege, opportunity, and responsibility to give something back by becoming more” - Anthony Robbins

those ruddy small depressions

2011-02-08T17:46:00.003+05:30

i wasnt writing this blog....but then i wrote a reply to one of friends entries and the words just caved in my mind from here and thr.....and just flowed on..rather this time they were like stones.....i wrote the reply...and ive now written almost the same thing in my entry....

"the hollow hooded eyes,

spoke of a sorrow,

of a lost son,

..lost in the insane mirth,

of a worldly war..

the bloodstained letter still

lay clasped,

whether the blood came from the body or the eyes

still remains a mystery in my mind..

i remain thinking of the shadow

who had walked away....

...searching for the 'lie'

the parchment spoke so shamelessly about,

with a salute and a head held high "

wen we pretend that things are alright we build up ouir own strengths....about any thing our lives are going wrong at .
i think people do understand what pain another has...but what they fail to understand is that pain maybe greater than we think it to be....we always think that it cant be greater than our own..thats where we go wrong...
but u know when i go through that phase that "oh im so sad" i do stay sad to a certain level....what consoles me is when i see so many others suffering more than me...wars deaths illness...loss of so many innoscent things.loss of childhood..who cares if i lost one single year in school?...people lost thr all past years living and homes in one tsunami or hurricane....who cares if my bf ditched me for someone more beautiful? if all those civilians in iraq were tortured to insanity....who cares if my parents dont allow me to be with the one i love
....when thousands of children are forcefully aborted in india just coz they were a girl child.. my pain is also a pain...your pain is a pain too....but we have the strength to go through it even by decieving our own selves... but thr grief?...is it even consolable?...hw do u console a girl whose family has been trampled under the earth of gujrat?...how do u console that maulvi who believed in gods mercy all his life, when a bunch of hindu fanatics killed his whole family and burnt his place of worship to dust ?..... you know these are some pains

i dont think ill ever go through.....coz im too positive, or rather im so fearful of them that i cant even face the possibility of this happening.... and yet i cry and shout at god for being unfair to my life....and i realise how small i must be to rant and romp of such little things in life, when i know he has better things planned for me than that small setback..it takes time to realise that..but it does come....and i think it does to you too...right?

dont really remember when i wrote this and where i took the pictures from... but here goes...
and the poem isnt mine either... i think...

changing times

2011-02-07T20:33:00.001+05:30

The view outside my house in delhi these days is superb, after the rains the skies have cleared up revealing colours that i thought were no longer possible to see in delhi. While the Skies outside are changing into vivid shades of orange, Pink, purple, gold and silver, life as ever remains a drab. dissapointment reigns supreme and the only bits of excitement that occasionally mark my otherwise boring existence is my love life, which seems to be going smoothly and happily. But, despite tall claims from philosophers over many centuries, love can take you only so far. while many will claim that it is so fulfilling that their is nothing else you need. it seems that they were only blatant lies.

I find myself wishing many times that I was back in college, the failures their atleast added to some sort of adventure.

"this again was written long back found it in my drafts folder... so publishing it now...

image (C) copyright: aparna mudi

Nokia 7210, Supernova

subah

2011-02-03T12:10:00.003+05:30

Kausani, early morning at 5:30 am 2009

सोया है तु और तेरे आँखों से

शब् गिरा है मेरे हाथों में.

जाने क्यों सोचता है बार बार

के बिना लब चूमें ही चला जाऊँगा मैं इस रोज़...

तेरी हर नफ़स मेरी मुट्ठी में बंद करके,

ले जाता हूँ मेरे ही कोट के जेब में |

बसों के सीटों में, ट्रेनों के भीड़ में, हर जगह

फैलती जाती है तेरी खुशबू...

बस उसी खुशबू का पीछा करते करते

लौट आया करता हूँ शाम को |

जाने क्यों घबराता है तु सपनो में भी,

कि इस रोज़ लब चूमके नहीं जाऊँगा |

शॉल कि तरह लपेटे रहता हूँ दिनभर इनको होठों से.

दिन भर गुनगुनी सी रहती है धूप |

image (C) copyright: aparna mudi

Canon Digital A550

The Bongs in Rishikesh

2011-01-17T01:07:00.005+05:30

Idiots on the Lakshman Jhula

In the rather boring lifestyle that I have now; the week leading up to the New Year and the week after that have been, to say the least, INCREDIBLE.

Ram Jhula as seen from Budha Cafe

Rishikesh is a place I have been to, many times, but it never fails to leave me satisfied and with a calm head, despite the ruckus we make there. And not even a freezing Ganga can deter me from jumping into the water at least once. My mother has a flat of her own there. Kind of what people call a ‘retirement plan’. For us it is just somewhere with free crashing and cooking facilities. But then with a bunch of 20 year olds who really
wants to cook. So all our money was spent, rather unintelligently, or not, on food from the various ‘Cafés’ around Lakshman Jhula. Our primary interest being a place called ‘THE GERMAN CAFÉ’- Chilly bean Burrito, spinach pastas, apple crumble pie amongst other delicious things.

Niloy finger broken...

Add caption

We reached there at around 10 in the evening and got a power cut, which is rare to be honest. But well there it was, a cold windy night, as dark as it can be, the moon having already set. The only light was that of the stars, and millions and millions of them just sprinkled all around, almost like someone spilled over a can of sugar on a granite floor. and Niloy was hardly looking at the road, just walking with his head pointed upwards… A bottle of Old monk and a few candles later, it was just the kind of chitchat we all like once in a while. Without any real worry of what we have left behind.

This is beginning to sound more preachy than I wanted it to be. Anyway…

one of the innumerabe cups of tea

Most of the people visiting there at this time of the year (that being the last week of December, we left on 27^th of December) are ‘Bangalis’ (just cant get rid of them anywhere) and whites (not being racist, just stating a fact- Europeans or Israelites). Everyone goes there to find their kind of ‘Peace of Mind’. Well maybe the place does have the magic that everyone wishes for in the city. It’s not awfully quiet, mind, but it is amazingly calm. With the crazy walking we did every day, With the food (vegetarian, but no one really minds) we ate. The hours we talked about nothing. And living a life without Computers and internet, not even a Radio, honestly. We had our phones, yes, but I don’t think any of us used it beyond an occasional message.

Budget trip = Rishikesh. Well sometimes a lot of money wasted on good food wouldn’t be too bad either. Average per person cost (without lodging cost) Rs. 1500 for 2 days.

suraj

2010-12-14T02:49:00.003+05:30

हर रात रुक जाती हूँ मैं यही आके,
हर रात बैठती हूँ इसी पेड़ के नीचे,

Right outside my house in Delhi, Dec 2010

कापते पत्ते मेरे पैरों के आस पास आके,
गरम होने कि कोशिश करते हैं|

हर रात उनसे मैं दिन भर का दुखड़ा कहती हूँ,
और वह जाड़े की शिकायत करते हैं,
थोड़ी सी धुंध खाते हैं, थोडा शब् पीते हैं,
फ़िर रुकते हैं, राह देखतें हैं उसका|

वह आये, तो नज़र भर देखके ही,
आँख मूंदु...
के रूठ के बैठा है जाने कब से,
कल आये न आये|

मेरे दोस्त बैठके अपने में,
मेरा ठट्ठा उड़ाते हैं|
मैं वही लेट जाती हूँ... समुन्दर ओढ़ के...

कल तड़के ही उठाना है,
नहीं तो सारा दिन बादल कुछ नहीं करने देगा,
मेरा मज़ाक बनाएगा...
के चाँद बस अब नींद में ही चूमता है मुझे...

image (C) copyright: aparna mudi

nokia 7210 , supernova

Fairy tales IN trunks too

2010-09-10T16:45:00.002+05:30

She made one for herself...
Where she rode the winged Pegasus,

Robed and armed with swords
And slayed mighty dragons,

She fought fire with her bare hands,

She became the knight,

Who she always thought would rescue her.

They never actually came,

To her tower at all,

Nor riding on white steeds,

Nor braving monsters, and storms...

She counted days and months,

In the lines on her fair skin,

Drew them herself,

With nails that had grown wild,

She wrapped the bloodied hands,

With her golden hair,

All thorns and matted,

Her only crown,

The flowers, had dried away,
the petals - crushed...

Even the magic mirror refused to speak to her anymore,

She wasn’t the chosen one for the fairy tale…

She waited… For she aspired to be,

In clichéd phoenix tales,

Be a phoenix herself.
To turn life around.

With magic wands and likes,

And crumbled and vanished in those very ashes.

NOTE: I often like writing poems in continuation to a previous poem, or in the same theme,

Here is a link to Fairy Tales in Trunks the original one.

Walk

2010-09-08T01:19:00.001+05:30

Ranikhet 2009

A magical misty night,

Up in the hills,

A couple walks hand in hand, only out of habit…

Both remembering the love they shared,

Even a few years ago.

Now as they fight,
With their own lives,
catching up on them,

Their dreams lie back home on their pillows,

Fading away in love letters

Folded and locked away in boxes.

A magical misty night,

Getting colder as the night falls,

Each wishing the stars would start falling,

So the lover’s eyes would twinkle again

With the wishes they made in secret,

Even a few years ago.

The wishes that came true,

At the cost of love,

Love which was stored in piggy banks,

For years,

So they could be spent little by little,

On magical misty walks like this.

NOW

2010-09-07T21:52:00.003+05:30

As a child when I heard of the phrase “Be yourself”, it was a weird thing to hear… how can I possibly be myself when I already am myself. As I grew up I realized that the “be yourself ” bit becomes increasingly difficult to sustain. One tends to slack into routines of the society. We focus so much on being a part of something; we forget that there was that self who was lost for that cause of belonging.

In a way I feel that realization is the beginning of understanding what you want in life. What are your dreams, not ambitions, “dreams”? What affects you most?

The second stage comes when you take up the courage to break away. Break away from norms of what you were before. When you adhered to the rules. The trick is not to break the rules but find loopholes in those rules. Those loopholes that you find for yourself. Interestingly enough I have never found those rules, or loopholes, in the countless amount of self asserting books written by achievers.

That discovery while I look into myself, -‘introspection’, in stronger words, it’s going through the process of falling in love or vice versa. It changes with every visit inside there. That process happens most, not in loneliness, but when you are surrounded by people. Explanations will feasibly turn this “write up” into a book. But it has always been with situations that arouse amazing thought processes within me.

What do I make of myself? What should I make of myself? What should
I want from this world/life etc. What I have is enough. What I don’t have I have never known what it is not to have it… so the need doesn’t arise. What I want from myself, is what I need to find out. In some ways that bit is planned out. In the longer run, have a NGO, in the next 5 years have a trip around India on a bike, be a bohemian… live that crazy life to the full. In between, teach, learn. Do as much research as I can. How much could I not do out of these…achievable dreams… pretty much… life is set

There are certain times when we realize when we need to make tactile decisions. That is when that “life is set” building starts crumbling down to the basic reality of life. Nothing, absolutely nothing goes according to plan. 8 years ago I made a plan that I need to prove myself and here I am at the turn of the decade waiting for even a glimpse of the mast of that ship called success or dreams or whatever people call it these days. Waiting for an opportunity that would suit me. I wonder what it is, but I know I haven’t found the right one yet. Maybe I’m too picky. That is true to some extent but I can’t settle for something substandard and the ones I liked found me substandard. So life and I haven’t yet been able to settle for a compromise where both of us will be able to get out of each other’s faces. Right now I whine and life kicks… that’s what’s on in life. That is what is keeping me busy, the utter hopelessness of it. Coz life always makes sure it looks more confident about what trick it has up its sleeve will catch one by his balls(being a woman doesn’t change that)

I have given up trying. And that’s what sucks most about now!

currently listening to: Nick Drake

currently reading: Kafka: Metamorphosis and other stories

recently watched : Scrubs, Pipli Live

current mood : obvious from the post

image (C) copyright: aparna mudi

images taken with a canon digital A550 in cunnoor 2008

My Sins against Gender-Stereotypes

2010-07-17T17:39:00.005+05:30

This post comes as a tag from a friends blog (the blog itself is great, and I am just calling her a friend, the blog friend way)

thought it was interesting... and I think more people should do it

If you are a woman,
Have you ever wanted something that is considered ‘manly’ ? Like a basketball, a cell phone, a dog, a camera or a new laptop? A new car or motor bike? Ever wanted to be a pilot? A doctor or not a nurse? And the manliest want of them all – The remote!
As a kid did you enjoy playing with a bat and a ball?
There was a time when books were considered ‘manly’, women authors had to pretend to be men – would you say books are still rather manly – women should want to embroider and crochet?

If you are a man,
Have you ever wanted something that only women are supposed to want – like bags, shoes, clothes, creams, perfumes, babies, flowers? A peaceful home and a happy family? Have you ever been afraid of the dark or of insects?
As a kid did you ever want to play ‘teacher-teacher’, cooking or did you like playing with a doll? Have you ever enjoyed cooking? Bought something in pink? Loved chocolates?

So here’s a tag – Please list at least ten things you have ever wanted or done which your gender is not supposed to. The tag is called ‘My Sins against Gender-Stereotypes’. And you must
tag twelve blogging friends.

Considering the fact that my mother says that it doesn’t seem as if I am a woman is proof enough that I have more than 10, but for the sake of mankind I will stick to the numbers.

1. Always have a very short haircut, so much so, that I have been questioned if i am sitting on a ladies seat in a bus (I’m not that manlike).

2. Have never had BFFs who are girls, I love hanging out with guys and being one of them

3. Whistled (and/or checked out) [at] a good looking chick cause my guy friends couldn’t

4. Love Counterstrike, i used to play it while my class was going on in college on a laptop

5. Have scored more than 50 runs in more than one match in a completely boys team, also have played "maram pitti" with them in school

6. I smoke and I drink whiskey and rum and like it much more than cocktails or gin or vodka and can have more than 7 large drinks and still be standing and talking sane

7. I like action movies and sci-fi movies, and enjoy them.

8. I have always liked muscular bulky Bikes and cars (even though I haven’t learnt driving yet) more than the cute luxury cars.

9. I don’t like ironing my clothes and dressing properly if I’m going out to get milk and eggs actually that applies to practically everyplace i go

10. I love travelling with as less as possible.. which means, its 2 t shirts, 1 set of night clothes and 1 denim(the one I’m wearing) in a school back pack, and a camera... don’t need anything else to travel

This is just the tip of the ice berg... for more details contact the friends who know me

Paulo and me

2010-05-28T18:51:00.000+05:30

रेत से घर नहीं बनते,
बस ख्वाब बनते है,
औत उचकते समुंदर में खो जाते है रात में|

उसमें सूखे पत्तो के दरवाज़े,
जागते सूरज में रंग भरते हैं|

Ice cream के wrapper से बना रास्ता
सिर्फ एक कुचला हुआ
पल बनके रह जाता है |

हर शाम,
तेरे मेरे पैरो के निशान,
और काई निशानियों के बीच खो जाते है|

फिर भी अगली शाम,
हम दोनों बैठते है,
उसी दुश्मन समुन्दर के किनारे|
उसे challenge करके कहते है
"आज और बड़ा घर बनाएँगे,
इतना बड़ा कि,
उसकी देहलीज़ न छू सकेगा तू" ...
और जुट जाते है,
अपने नन्हे हाथों में,
एक लकड़ी का टुकड़ा लिए |
एक नया सा कोई ख्वाब,
एक नयी याद बनाने |

2010-03-04T19:58:00.000+05:30

सावन आ आकर

छत के दरवाज़े खट-खाटाते हैं बस|

थोडा सा गन्दा पानी

सीढियों पर छोर जाते हैं|

मुंडेरों पर बरसो से जमी हुई काई को

थोडा और काला कर जाते हैं |

जो सूखती नहीं,

इस शुष्क, तेज़ दोपहरी में भी|

फ़िर बस acid डालना पड़ता है,

पुराने चेहरों पर

सब पुराने धब्बे मिटाने पड़ते हैं,

हाथ जला कर ...

थोडा पीकर

gopal

2009-11-10T00:40:00.001+05:30

बहुत साल पहले,

वृन्दावन की गलियों में,

एक दुकान के ताक पर,

चढा बैठा था!

ठीक उसही तरह ताक-झांक करता,

जैसे माखन चुराने के लिए,

वो औरो को sentry duty पर

लगाया करता था, बरसो पहले|

मैंने कहा,

"मुझे चाहिए,

खूब ख्याल रखूँगी इसका,

अपने बच्चे सा!"

"रोज़ सुबह उठाऊंगी, नहालाउंगी, बताशे खिलाऊँगी,

हर साल नए कपड़े दूँगी,

इतना प्यार तो शायद

यशोदा ने भी न किया होगा |"

एक सिंघासन लिया,

कुछ कपड़े,

सोने के लिए

एक छोटा सा,

गोटे वाला सिरहाना|

अपनी आँखों से तब बोलता था,

नए घर में जाने कि ख़ुशी,

छलक के गिरती थी|

शाम को बाती और धूप की सुगंध में,

सूरज के साथ वो भी सो जाता,

अपने नन्हे से बिछोने में,

सुबह उठता था,

शंख कि आवाज़ के साथ |

नखरे सहती थी इसके,

कभी नए कपड़े,

तो कभी सर्दी में रात को चादर ओढ़ाना,

कभी चॉकलेट, मिठाईयों कि फरमाईश |

आज दस साल हो गए इस बात को!

अब रात दर रात,

इंतज़ार करता रहता है |

कभी तो देखूं इसकी तरफ,

कभी पूछ लूं कि सब कैसा है |

कभी रोऊँ इसके पास बैठकर,

बार बार पूछूं कि कब मुझको भी,

अपने नन्हे हाथों से लिपट लेगा |

कब थामेगा मेरा हाथ भी अपने जादू भरे प्यार से |

अब उसके नखरे मुझे

अपने बनाये हुए illusions लगते हैं |

उसके लिए मेरा प्यार एक व्यर्थ चेष्टा |

उसकी वो रोशन आँखें,

बस वृन्दावन कि रौशनी का खेल |

शायद बहुत देर हो गयी है,

शायद अब मुझे आस नहीं,

यशोदा सा,

वो मुझे भी 'माँ' कहे,

शायद मैं उसे कभी इतना प्यार कर ही न पायी |

पर जब किया था,

पूरे मन से किया था,

सबसे ज्यादा,

एक छोटे बच्चे सा |

बस ये नहीं समझी थी,

कि वो मुझसे भी छोटा है |

अभी तक अपनी जिद पे अड़ा है |

onion rings and more(part of the chand series)

2009-11-09T23:57:00.001+05:30

एक अकेला चाँद ढूंढता रहा,

घंटो...

इस उस गली में,

किसी बादल के पीछे से झांकता,

तो कभी किसी तारे से पूछता...

किसी न किसी गली में तो बैठी होगी वो,

गुस्से में सिस्किया लेती|

झगड़के दूर नहीं गयी होगी,

वहीँ कहीं इंतज़ार कर रही होगी,

कि अब आके बैठेगा चाँद उसके पास,

और दुनिया भर कि चांदनी

उसके गोद में डाल देगा,

उसे मनाने की खातिर|

The Big Fat Lie

2009-10-26T19:38:00.006+05:30

These posts are proving to be more and more a part of a conversation than anything else.

Anyway, moving on... Swati has written a blog post yet again. I being the "A"

She points out several things and here i am replying again. what makes it more difficult to convince her is the fact that she has decided to be the part of what the whole market wants us to believe.

let me start on another note,

I hate mills and boons and I always end up reading them when i am bored. or need some really mindless reading to do. i guess i need some right now, coz since i cant smoke up i need other really surreal things to do, mills and boons happens to be one of them. it so happens that on of them describes a couple (the guy being the heroine's dashing brother, and his plump, sweet wife) who left me wondering how the most handsome guys fell for the weirdest looking chicks. which by the way never happens to the hero and the heroine of a normal M&B.

and the opposite is true in a normal world scenario. good looking chicks always end up being with the biggest douche to be found in the neighborhood.

It didnt matter much coz I thought if that story was tellable the author would have concentrated on it, rather than
the oh-so-understated-looker-chick who goes on to find the not-so-good-but-breathtakingly-handsome & rich-man. So, i decided i need to settle for some douche coz i thought no man with brains would go out with me. And i realised (after dating a so called "good looking" douche for 2 months) that my standards are way higher, i cant settle for one of these desperate bitches who have no grey cells in any part of their body. Which made sure that there were not many choices left. Not many men (or women...before im blamed of being sexist) have brains to really be a match to mine (trying not to feel too smug when i say that).

----end of story----

I now date a guy who most blog friends know as stupendous man, and friends know as Shreyas, who is fatter than the that funny fat guy in the sadly funny movies. who looks more like overgrown cupid than anything else, and im not saying this to break up with him. he knows all this, and we joke about it most of the times. and when i say that he is looking good (romantically), he ends up reminding me what he thinks he looks like. and im completely in love with him. coz at the end of a bad day i wont cheer up because of what he looks like, but rather the amazing hug he can give me and talk me out of all the self deprecation i have bottled up inside. its how he makes me feel. I am sure we dont chose our friends for what they look like.

Its not wrong to look good, but that doesnt mean one takes drastic measures to suddenly decide to look like someone else who in swati's words is "fairer and thinner" I dont get it, coz im neither fair nor thin. I am a five foot six with average looks and with a 36" waistline girl, who loves eating and would continue to do it. and i think i look good when i want to. i wear things i love, without being intimidated by the so called lookers i know. I have friends worth dying for, and who would do the same for me if need be. i know atleast 5 men who are completely weirdly in love with me or atleast have been at some points of their lives and have hopefully moved on now.

and if that doesnt make me feel good about myself (added the fact that im also fairly intelligent and talented) i wonder what would. when i look at myself in the morning, i dont see a girl who needs to get thin so people would say wow!!! i see someone who can cheer people up whenever they want it, i see a person who is liked by most (one cant please all). one who (as someone pointed out) cant be forgotten easily.

i guess it all boils down to this... choice. if i decide to go on a crash diet with none of my kababs and occasional pizzas, and rigorous excersises, im sure in about 4 months i would be a "looker" with a perfect 26 waist. and the only 2 things that would change is the fact that i would get about 15 more people lusting after me, without knowing me. and i would be having boiled vegetables once a day and thats it. Which means more phone calls to avoid and less happiness for my stomach. i may be proud of the way i look, but (bugger) for how long would that last. Soon it would be time when i would be 30 and my looks would die out sooner than later. I would be groping at my own past with bags under my eyes for work stress.

The answer to all your questions, my dear swati, does not lie in my irrelevant ramblings. it lies in the shallowness of wanting to be someone else. something else. being fit is different from being thin. Being beautiful is different from being fair. If that were the case, Jack Black, Queen Latifa, Luther Vandross, Barry White, The Mamas and The Papas, Elton John, they wouldnt sell, they would be sitting at home making crazy plans about getting thin to fit into the so called "make them look better" industry. coz thats where they belong.

what does it matter??? you want to feel better?? i would much rather have a chocolate than feel low for being fat and not fair... if you yourself discriminate against yourself, and put yourself down, there is no one in this universe who can make you feel better, no matter how many pounds you lose, or how much fair and lovely helps your cause. being fat in no way hampers you unless you make it.

long back i read something... just quoting from thr...

"she was beautiul, not too pretty, but beautiful"

The clones

2009-10-05T23:42:00.003+05:30

This is in answer to Swati’s blog, who

is a journalist friend of mine from Kolkata. Not that it makes too much of a difference to many bloggers to read a opinion post.

She is trying to be the unapologetic narcissist. Who, cares right now to set her own life straight before messing it up with things like love and rather complicated relationships. Pretty much what I was trying to do a couple of years ago… And it feels good that she has done a good job of cheering herself up.

Enough with the part on the back for her, I guess I should come to the point. She points out some rather pressing matters, as to how she defines herself as a geek, or how she likes reading more than “work hard party harder” friends, who are rushing into most things (quite rightly put). How each of us have become clones of each other. In trying to outdo each other in every way possible, but the one thing each of us aim for is “acceptance” in the society as a part of them. A mere clone of them who are uber cool and uber smart, and know the MEANING OF LIFE...

I guess reading the blog makes more sense, coz I just wrote what I thought was the gist of the matter.

I agree in all respects.

Except one.

Though one may define a GEEK as someone supremely intellectual, just not in the same admiring way I am putting it. It is referred in dictionary.reference.com as

geek Slang.

1. A person regarded as foolish, inept, or clumsy.
2. A person who is single-minded or accomplished in scientific or technical pursuits but is felt to be socially inept.

She is not one, as far as I know her, she speaks well, socializes well enough, has done her bit of partying smoking, booze, flirtations when she wanted to. And she is back to her own life as she likes it. What is it with us and the self deprecations we put ourselves through? Why is it that we decide that since we are not one of them, we are “Geeks”, “boring”, “devoid of a ‘LIFE’”… why is it that even my friends from college call me up to party with them and my refusal is generally greeted with disdain and a rather condescending comment about how I have become a “boring” person. How does wanting to do things differently or different things make me boring?

I know I have a better life than them. It’s not the same routine of going to discotheques every Tuesday and Saturday, finding a man/woman to fuck/flirt depending on your relationship status on facebook. And going to college and coming back. For a repeated period of 5 years and intending to continue it for the rest of their ‘exciting’ lives…

How does my wanting to travel and read (which is another non expensive way of travelling) and read Manga, and driving around Delhi with my boyfriend, or travel in buses with my friends, listening to music make my life any less exciting than theirs. How does it even make me antisocial? I can claim to have known more people, having more fun, having more friends to help me when I need them. Along with all the adventure that each of these things brings to me…

Yes swati, we are becoming clones of each other. And faster than you can say JHUMRITALAIYA, each of us is busy trying to “get a life”. Each of us getting ruder, pretentious and unhappier under the surface…

I just hope it doesn’t soon take over everyone of us who wants to be different and respect ourselves rather than exhault.

experimented

2009-08-29T04:20:00.002+05:30

So, their must be a better world,

Somewhere beyond what we have seen,

a John Lennon world if one may call it,

heaven, i think that's what they speak of.

It must be perfect in every sense,

mayhaps without pettiness or judgement.

or prejudices of souls.

without promises of different heavens.

Or wrath of gods for every sin.

Their is probably a different God.

more indulgent and presumably undivided

into Allahs and Rams and Yahwehs...

where satisfaction is guaranteed.

this world's god is a mad scientist.

this world a rather bizarre experiment

where i don't know whether I'm a customer

or the product itself.

faulted designs with bigger brains than needed,

or bigger hearts susceptible to breakdown.

there is another school of thought...

this world is a junkyard of faulty designs.

each surviving whilst destroying another.

the shredder engulfs them one by one...

shredding them and putting them

in a big blast furnace

the 50 questions tag

2009-08-20T17:26:00.002+05:30

01. What time did you get up this morning?
i slept in the morning... just got up... at 4 45

02. How do u like your steak?
tender...

03. What was the last film you saw at a cinema?

Kaminey yesterday

04. What is your favorite TV show?
These days Naruto, other wise... HIMYM, TOP GEAR, YEs minister... enjoy them all

05. If you could live anywhere in the world, where it would be?
IF i COULD live anywhere it would be ladakh.... otherwise delhi does just fine

06. What did you have for breakfast?
Nothing..isnt it past lunchtime already?

07. What is your favorite cuisine?
Indian. Italian is a close second... anything that constitutes lots of meat. :)

08. What foods do you dislike?
tinde...loathe them... and i have taken a recent dislike to tofu

09. Favorite place to eat?
BIG CHILL khan market... i have kinda made it a habit not to go to the same restaurant twice.... but cant seem to keep off big chill

10. (i made up a question here) what questionm would you like to be asked here?

what is your mood right now??

11. What kind of vehicle do you drive?
i drive a bus... 11 number

12. What are your favorite clothes?
Shorts and lose T always.... i would like to be a nudist though if given a chance (and im supposed to be a fashion designer...sigh!!! no wonder i dont have a job yet)

13. Where would you visit if you had the chance?
EVEN THE MOON!!!

14. Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full???

full... on the verge of emptying... im just having tea so literally

15. Where would you want to retire?

somewhere in the mountains

16. Favorite time of the day?
sunset... i spend it mostly with stupendous man... laughing about some random thing

17. Where were you born?
DELHI, INDIA

18. What is your favorite sport to watch?
football, or tennis... dont enjoy watching cricket too much these days

19. Who do you think will not tag you back?
I donno no idea...

20. Person you expect to tag back you first?
Donno.

21. Who are you most curious about their responses to this?
no one... im not even sure anyone does this blog

22. Bird watcher?
Not too much

23. Are you a morning person or a night person?
totally a night person...

24. Do you have any pets?
not yet

25. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share?
yes, i have started writing... follow it on http://quixoticdeceit.wordpress.com i know this is cheap publicity

26. What did you want to do when you were little?
doctor...with a red maruti and a red plus sign on its sheesha

27. What is your best childhood memory?
none.... i have temporary amnesia of my childhood

28. Are you a cat person or a dog person?
a DOG person...definitely.

29. Are you married?
No.

30. Always wear your seat belt?
nope

31. Been in a car accident?
nope. would like to be in one... atleast to die...

32. Any pet peeves?
nagging...

33. Favorite pizza toppings?
quatro formage.... with white sauce and garlic...

34. Favorite flower?
carnations...always...

35. Favorite ice cream?
butter scotch... and nougat

36. Favorite fast food restaurant?
dominos

37. How many times did you fail your driver's test?
LOL. never...have never taken one

38. From whom did you get your last email?

google alerts on fashion designer

39. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?
any stationary or music store

40. Do anything spontaneously?
mostly everything

41. Happy with your job?
yes, i dont have any

42. Brocolli?
yep in pasta

43. What was your favorite vacation?
alone... ooty and kunnoor

44. Last person you went out to dinner with?
stupendous man... a pre kaminey dinner

45. What are you listening to right now?
Laaga chunari mein daag, from the movie dil hi to hai.

46. What is you favorite color?
none in particular... purple comes close to winning

47. How many tattoos do you have?
None

48. How many are you tagging for this quiz?
no one

49. In what time did you finish this quiz?
close to an hour....

50. Coffee drinker?
Yepp, totally.

2009-08-16T02:41:00.002+05:30

you can now follow the story of stupendous man on

THE ADVENTURES OF STUPENDOUS MAN

It has also been put on my blogroll for the people who want to read it otherwise

fiction part 2

2009-08-05T05:14:00.002+05:30

she is "B"... some one else's though. she looks at the full moon tonight and it stares back, moving ever so slightly every some minutes... she looks back at it almost expecting it to say something... something nice to her.

stupendous man flies in... its strange how he is her superhero, and she realises stupendous man only exists in her head. he has strange powers... he can be somewhere else and can communicate through telepathy, today he is using the moon as his tool. thats how he saves her from troubles. troubles of moons not telling her nice things... stupendous man to the rescue!!!

now is the time stupendous man must be characterised for those who want a mental image of him. he is not you regular "chaddi outside" superhero. he looks more like cupid. with seldom seen cupid like qualities(he wears clothes though). he has a loud booming voice, which goes through anything, even solid walls built around the heart, hardened over the years. laser cant go through it, but his voice can. he quotes shakespeare and he has a red ferrari as his choice of transport. you could see him sitting in the crowd cheering this certain team he likes to call "THE REDS". but you wont recognise him in his secret identity. his physique is rather upside down but that is just a decoy to the enemy... and like all superheros he has a weakness and an arch enemy... a certain woman he calls maya... "B" hasnt figured out whether maya is his weakness or his nemesis or both... "B" guesses both, since a man is most likely to love the one thing he is most likely to be destroyed by. and stupendous man, though a superhero, with a secret identity, is still a man after all.

"B" knows what she is going to do, she gets up...

a breeze blows into the dark room, its still wee hours of the morning... there are clouds in the sky, it is light golden...but the sun hasnt risen yet.

In the blink of an eye "B" changes... the colour of her hair changes from the "burgundy" red to a natural brown. she visits the strange city called "Angular B". she comes back to "Elite D" her home the next moment... she knows who she wants now, everything is clear...

she turns around, and "B" looks into her own reflection as "MAYA"

what happens next???

is maya's making a evil plan to seduce stupendous man into her trap?

or has maya's heart finally melted?

has maya decided to turn over a new leaf?

is this all rather stupid?

stay tuned...

to be contd.

FALLEN ETERNITY

2009-08-05T04:36:00.001+05:30

I will be blown, to a thousand pieces

i know it, i can see my end

im miles away from it..yet....

yes, that's the one

the rocks that i will hit

the corner where the sea meets the mountain

i can even see the nameless,faceless on the very cliff

the sea air ruffling through their hair

as they now embrace,as they kiss

............or was that me?

I'd forgotten that moment long ago

wiped it like a dream i know cant come true

I actually dont know how i reached this high

but its bliss... really!

you'd felt it too..remember?

we went to the city fair

both of us holding hands

and as the ferris wheel came down

the hands clasped tight

a gurgle that starts just below the navel

a shout escaped your beautiful heart shaped parted lips

a scream of excitement,of adrenaline

and im feeling that gurgle since eternity

the blissful emptiness...uncaring...gleeful

its just goes on and on and on

I'm very close now,nearing my end

i close my eyes now, spread my arms to my fatality

and then you kiss me awake

to my ruthless, vaccous reality

I say "sweetheart ! "

"please, tomorrow, dont wake me up"

2005/06... not too sure when

Full Circle

2009-08-05T04:34:00.000+05:30

A water lily sinks

At a boys throw of a stone

Carefully aimed at it

for the price of a few marbles

The ripples going to eternity

Talking of the pain of the lily

And of the pond that had once sat still

To wait for the little one to bloom; Mute

A play of a boy, he dint hurt the lily

just killed it, unknowingly innocent

pleas to the heaven, silent.....

unsaid words of forgiveness

Now, as he watches his own child die

On the bed,at the dark corner of the room

himself stained with the little ones blood

Wife shrieking a maddening echo of the plea

the boy sinks into his death

the ripples of grief tearing ruthlessly

the heart of a father watching the ghastly death

Just as he saw his rapturous (sublime)* birth

MUTE

And a lily blooms yet another time

the pond's been waiting for the little one

Written in 2005 or 06.. not really sure...

chalk a block

2009-08-05T03:47:00.001+05:30

when it comes to blogging, I am rather blocked these days... i dont know what to write about and more than that, i have a feeling that i have forgotten how to write. well maybe because my life has become rather eventless... with the daily arguments about random things...wishing to find some good job soon.... thinking of new ways of travelling around the city since buses have really started irking me, and more than that... lack of friends around me. maybe that should change... i need to go out more often...

--
--If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.---

sometimes i wonder

2009-08-03T04:01:00.002+05:30

why am I in love with stupendous man....

and then costa coffee happens....

we play with straws, and fight with a plastic glasses... blow water on each other...

have the worst day and end it perfectly...with a giligili... and a suspicious phone call...

now i have decided i shall break off with him

...

to let him serenade me in paris...

fuck i am cheesy and corny

ranikhet

2009-07-25T04:11:00.008+05:30

After a rather longish wait for a vacation, the fateful day arrived...couldnt sleep a wink either the day before or during the journey... though the weather was quite comfortable...

full moon night and the train travelling north... it travelled with us... till the clouds decided to give it a rst and ran the rest of the way... early morning as the train pulled up

to the station and a cigarette was smoked... we were in

another world...

i have never really known how to write a travellouge, i dont even know how to spell it right. so i shall be pretty bad.

what i love most about travelling is the instant change it brings... how everything amazes you while you walk. how the people are so different that you like them more

than your friends who have so much in common with you... how images change with every turn you take. how sleep, food, money doesnt really matter (unless you are worried that you would never find an ATM).

The Ranikhet KMVN(kumaon mandal vikas nigam) cottages are very comfortable and situated in a very beautiful place...in the middle of the forest. away frm the main ranikhet township. It was pointed out to us that if you dont step out of the premises then you probably wouldnt see more than 5 people in an entire week. and oh! it rained... the pleasure of it all.. the rain battering down on the cottage roof... and there is not

hing else one can hear... not A SOUL... we reached thr about 8 30 or so... and it was soo silent that i could hear it...

while the sun came out at about noon, we went for a walk... which, though fun, was very tiring... had two deliciously hot paranthas and chai at a small

shop. the sunset was breathtaking... behind the clouds...golden lining... not silver...

at night fall... it became quieter still.. though i did not think that was possible... but it did... the moon rose to its full glory, rising from behind the hills, and if only i could fly i would have touched it, i am sure... i so wish we could have sat outside watching the moon... but it was quiet cold... and there were insects coz of the rain... so that was not to be....

after dinner, we sat at the balcony... drinking.. and smoking, talking through the night... slept at 6 in the morning... still dont understand one thing... how i end up talking soo much...

woke up at noon, had breakfast, realised its raining too hard for us to really walk down to the township... so called for a cab and left for kausani....

im letting the pictures do the talking

currently listening to: bengali classics, eagles

currently reading(trying to): ruskin bond omnibus

recently watched : naruto shippuden till the latest episode

image (C) copyright: aparna mudi

images taken with a canon digital A550

Incoming!!!

2009-07-12T15:20:00.001+05:30

Some travel posts coming up... stupendous man and me went travelling... and had the greatest time together... pictures and post should be up soon hopefully!

first page

2009-06-06T00:31:00.001+05:30

Close your eyes. Take a deep breath. Silence the voices within. Go deaf to the voices without. Relax. And then And then feel the force that is in you. The force that has infinite power to do anything. Everything begins from there. That is what ‘design’ to me is. It begins from there, from within. It comes from the million things I have realized in my short insignificant time on this vast place. What I know today is the one thousandth part of what I can know. What evolves from there, from what I know is design. I inspire. I’m not god, but I try to take from whoever has thought beyond everything that exists. The stronger I feel that force of a noveau creation, the closer I am to divinity. It is not a novel idea, most feel that it is the artistic temperament. It is not, this is what drives humanity, what drives science, that is, to strive harder to achieve what has not been achieved yet. Design, create, acquire, discover, appreciate, learn… “live”

i philosophise

2009-06-06T00:30:00.000+05:30

We have all suddenly started wanting things that are "not so perfect", isn’t it? Especially in the last few years.
But science still works for perfection… human mind seems to be striving for perfection and yet aesthetics still declare the imperfect as the fashion, or fad , whatever u may call it.
Its strange how human mind works, constantly looking for change but never accepting it when it comes to using that change. Things are always "forever". We think of things as stable as they are as of now “hamesha aisa hi rahega...” nothing can change. But, then we all are looking for change, always.

As fashion students we are told how to incorporate the want of change and make "them" buy what we make. Essentially not making anything new but definitely finding out what is it that the other people want and taking the chances. But even in our personal lives we are scared to take chances… but we do… coz there is nothing definite. We take a chance coz we don’t have any choice.

even if I "think all about it" I still know that my plans may not succeed. So, it is a chance isn’t it?
coz I guess it’s the imperfection and the risk that entices people… people who give up and die are those who know there is not a second way......

hope remains

2009-06-06T00:29:00.002+05:30

Most people live a perpetual dream. One that by ancient philosophers is called “hope”. What existentialists denied, Most realists thought was a fool’s paradise, most pessimists crave for and yet keep it away. Hope remains in this incessant world of optimists that someday everything will be alright, things will move on. One will travel from the frustrations to a life of complete happiness.

Hope remains

insanity

2009-06-06T00:29:00.001+05:30

In two different worlds… is it those who we call “insane”, insane??? Or is it those who keep making pretences retain more insanity than those who are locked up in asylums.

Lock me up, cause I am insane. And lock up those sitting at their desks, making war, with people who they don’t know. Taking it out on those who have nothing to do with the hatred.

Autumn leaves (yellow)

2009-06-06T00:25:00.005+05:30

It’s time for us to cross-over again,

Walk the bridge that takes us,

from this warm bank,

To the other.

Time for us to reflect,

Time to shed the gains,

That the rains brought us.

And wait for the worms to come to us,

As our children carry us away.

Burial at sea,

Beneath an epitaph,

On a tower of silence,

Or just a gift to the flames.

And time for all the greens,

To ignite their fragile selves,

And leave the residue behind,

Yellow…

stupendous man(on the last minute way to submitting my design journal)

33,00,00,000 gods and more

2009-06-06T00:17:00.001+05:30

as the jewel track goes

"so we pray to as many different gods,
as there are flowers...
but who will save your soul"

and there are... many gods, one each for different religions, castes, societies. there are fights, murders, terrorism over these gods. after all that is disenchantment. from our gods, we form our own gods. we follow cults, or become atheists, we don't believe. Humans have a tendency to slight everything else that anyone else believes. religion can kill you, and it can make you live, in hope.
people have their own way of bringing faith in their lives, and that’s what cultures and societies are made on. what brings them happiness is what god is to them. everything else exists cause we exist, we the living, breathing, talking beings. the mere fact that we live in the face of an apparently meaningless or absurd world. everything begins from that and ends there.

the rather obscure post

2009-06-02T04:50:00.004+05:30

i am rather pissed with life. this typhoid has cramped me like nothing else... im not looking for a job but everyone else is hellbent on making career suggestions to me... which in itself is very depressing... moreover, i want to travel, get out of my normal life asap. im sick and tired of interacting with the same and same kind of people everyday. pretty much on the edge, and stupendous man is not making it too easy either. some weird topic to fight about lands right in my life everyday. and frankly after a whole day of boredome i dont react too well either. in his defense he has been going through rather a lot in the last few weeks... ipl, stupendous' mom, my mom, my typhoid, work work and more work... but still not fair. i need a break and so does he, but then he is not my kinds ...bag uthaya, chal diye... he is rather the "let's plan it out, kitna paisa kharch hoga, kahan rahenge, kya mausam hoga, kya khana hai" and all that.

and now the plans have all gotten drenched in my typhoid... people care too much, i might die of a typhoid relapse apparently... (interestingly i just skipped a whole week of medicine, and im all fine... and that is not proof enough that i will live thru this life threatening disease) so, i cant go anywhere.

i am so bored that its making me tired... i realised that boredome can actually tire people out....by the time its evening i feel as exhausted as if i have run a marathon(not that it is likely for me to run a marathon ever in my life) and even then i have nothing to do, im sick of the 6000+ odd songs on my hard disk, im sick of watching re runs of himym. i am also sick of playing computer games, i dont wanna watch the nice movies on my hard disk either, AND i dont feel like reading!!!....obviously, i really need a vacation... after 6 long years in NIFT, i need a long vacation...but does anyone care? no, they all have other things to look after and obviously im being too derstanding(assuming it to be the opposite of un-derstanding). im being rather stupid, people say, that i need a break from this rut. they all understand that i probably want a vacation, but then it can wait... i dont really neeed one (btw, i know this post will amount to another of the non sensical fights i have had in the last three days.)

upsides:

i have watched some pretty good movies off late
i have been listening to music again, though now im not in the mood
i have caught up with a lot of old friends who i have not talked to/met in the last few months
i am finally a graduate (stress on "finally")
i have had lovely four weeks with my brother, though i was bed ridden half the time
stupendous man has had some time after the IPL ended and before the world 20-20 starts
i have finally upgraded the internet connection, therefore the speeds of my surfing have considerably improved in the last few hours of my life
I have had very good home cooked food in the last few days.

I HAVE TO RUN AWAY.

currently listening to: pearl jam, floyd, hindi classics (mainly gulzar), amrita pritam's poems in gulzars voice

currently reading(trying to): jeeves, ruskin bond omnibus
current mood : booooorrrreeeed

recently watched :Mary Poppins, curious case of benjamin button, The great train robbery, the terminal, good morning vietnam, Mrs doubtfir, chadmabeshi(bengali), kannathil muthamil(tamil), how i met your mother season 4, eli stone season 2,

the rather unwell phase

2009-05-25T02:23:00.001+05:30

for those interested and those not... i am down with typhoid.
now typhoid is a very irritating ailment to have specially for someone who has been planning a vacation since the last three months since she is graduating this year... she has "graduated" too, by the way.
Now, ever since i knew im going to graduate, i decided it was time i went out for an out n out break, not care that i dont have a job, and especially not care that im jobless and jobless. rather happy that i dont have anything to do for sometime and i can blame it all on something as random as "recession" and "job freeze" everywhere. infact people are more than ready to say that this is the right time to go out and enjoy, if there are no jobs, there is no need to be depressed. its the best way to deal with such desperate times. And i was, until recently very happy with the arrangement.

The plan

23rd of may : speculated date for the Nift show

therefore

27th may: actual date of the Nift show

Do the show
Party all night
Drink champagne
Get drunk and happy
Eat great "outside" food
Get the hell out of the heat of delhi and enjoy...

as far as i was concerned it was going smooth, until...one day...

i was down with a 103 deg Celsius fever, and it continued the next day and then another day, and the doc suspected something fatal, close to a life threatening brain tumour, at least thats how grave his expression was. and life hasnt been the same ever since.

i , I, ME .....I ..... HAVEN'T SMOKED...... at least not properly, for a whole week.....and that, really means ..... i'm really really unwell. more than anything i cant eat outside, not that i is problem, but i absolutely love chicken, and ham and beef and mutton, and the only light meat apparently is fish. and being a bong thr is a lot at home i can assure you. but what about my daily chicken???

the chicks must be flabbergasted as to why there has been a population explosion in their neighbourhood recently. the Classic Mild boxes must have by now started feeling lonely at the various sutta vallas....

and my plans of a vacation has been dashed.... and im pissed, at life yet again. when i was not supposed to have been pissed about things around me, since there was nothing that could have gone wrong in my blissful summer escapade... it turns out that i cant go anywhere for the next four months...four months i would run out of the excuse of the recession shit.... why god??? why me???

"its just something about your face i dont like" is what i hear

heat stroke

2009-04-17T22:53:00.002+05:30

the radio kept playing the same song over and over and rj wont apologise for it. or maybe she was just flipping channels and this is definitely one of the most popular songs these days...hence, is playing on all stations on different times. she is really pissed now. she once liked the song and now she thinks its overcooked...and she definitely doesnt like overcooked fish.its a shame the fish is so highly priced, she cant afford the shoes anymore. and she knows she has to buy them. she is too used to highly priced products.but then samples are always sold in sarojini for a lesser price. maybe she will just go to rajasthan instead. they have no televisions or radios there. books makes no sense to her. nor did she write to anyone else....

wasted vote bank

2009-04-15T23:42:00.001+05:30

this apparently is the dirtiest pre election game being played in the media. and i am getting various mails regarding the matter, including what is or is not possible by the current govt. or the ones to come. and its kinda confusing to be honest.

who do i vote if i want a strong national party "ruling"(that might have been a wrong word to use) the nation.... which, will not be an alliance, preferably. will not be a hardliner party, will not corrupt in as many ways as possible, will make the country more secure than it has been in the last few years, and will not be an anarchy if possible... and ofcourse i need the leader to be, english speaking or atleast proper hindi. not mamta-ish bong hindi.

frankly i dont wanna vote.

one reason only...

i dont know who to vote,

and i dont want to waste my vote on a party that is not in majority, and i dont want to vote the two majority parties....

end of story...

im totally confused...

i wish there was a way to say i dont wanna vote to either party...

yaad...part-???(forgotten)

2009-04-05T02:39:00.001+05:30

पुराणी रसीद के फटे कागज़ के टुकड़े,

पीले होते,

चन्द धुंधलाते हुए number उनपर लिखे हुए,

आँखें बंद करो तो cannaught place के traffic का शोर,

आवाज़ है, गिनतियाँ है, या बची-कुची वो आखरी याद है?

--If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.---

perpetual

2009-04-05T02:32:00.001+05:30

जन्नत की दहलीज़ पर खड़े होके,
क्षितिज पर कड़ी परछाई देख,
उसने सोचा मैं हूँ....

बस परछाई ही है मेरी,
मैं तो दोज़ख़ से हाथ बढ़ाए ,
छूने की कोशिश में हूँ तुझको...

कि शब्द सिसकते हुए पहुंचे तेरे पास,
ओर इधर खीच लाये तुझे,
बचने मेरी रूह को,

ओर तेरे काँधे पे सर रखके,
सो जाऊं मैं,
आँख खोलू,
तो दोनों बिस्तर पर हो,
रजाई में सिमटे हुए से,
ओर तेरी आँखों में कैद सपने हो,
बस मेरे!

2009-04-05T01:59:00.002+05:30

dear people

... it seems strange that when anything happens.. everything happens and/or at other times nuthing does...

on that note...goodnight and good luck

love stories

2009-04-03T16:10:00.004+05:30

Stand,

Here by the side,

And look away,

And not just into the sunset,

Which you say looks like my eyes,

But into the burning edge of the earth...

Watch it burning black, turning into a sillhoutte...

Sillhoutte,

That you claim to be,

Wholesome,

Complete, with your outlines defined...

Look into the mirror

And all you will see is darkness,

Darkness within the defined outline of you...

Break.

Your absolute is by me...

And i walk out...

Stand right there,

And dont reach out...

I am the sunset,

I am beautiful,

And as all beautiful things are...

i destroy.

picture (C) aparnamudi, aparnamudi@gmail.com

hrishikesh, march 2009

currently listening to: radiohead, pearl jam, coldplay, sinead o' connor

currently reading: blah
current mood : pretty darn good

recently watched :samurai champloo, eli stone(tv series), jersey girl

untitled

2009-03-13T00:07:00.003+05:30

*really weird post

its the easiest title to anything that u cant seem to put your finger on...

Q:"what the fuck is this painting all about???..."

A: oh it is untitled...!!! interpretation is left to the audience... you decide what it is since i cant

moving on to more pressing matters

being sick has its own boons.. you can watch all your old favourites, especially if you are bored....

for a idiot like me... i get the time to search for the best things in my life... get to catch up on a little bit of my sleep especially coz i tend to fall ill every once in a while

you can chat up with your long lost friends... on google talk...

and you can reflect

it is a very arbitrary term "reflect".. have always wondered why we use that term for thinking about random things in life

i was thinking why i feel sorry for certain people... when they tend to make nothing of their lives...

i have two examples of such people.. immensely talented, smart, intelligent...

and i wonder what is it that makes them so hopeless infront of other people.. maybe someday they will do wonders with their talent... but what i really wish is that i had their talent. i wish i had those talents and the resources that they have... and i wish i could exchange my life with theirs...no im not undermining my life in any way.. i have a great one thank you. but i wish i had as much as they did, to not care about throwing it all away (yeah stolen from a movie...a famous one at that).

if some one is born with gifts, what should one do... nurture it with all you have.. make something out of it... maybe not achieve (in terms of monetary achievements) but do something with what one has got. i have never been one of those who thinks topping the class is an achievement.. but letting that talent go to waste is another thing. i have seen these to literally wasting away what they have to sleep. seen people who have believed in them for a long time to give up on them. seen people say... "oh please! i dont want to turn into X". the day someone has to use me as a negative example, that, i think would be the saddest day of my life...

who or what is a loser essentially, you cant lose out to life, life is too long to actually play a game in. i dont think it is merely a game to win or lose, its more like a football match... you score and what makes it interesting is life scores against you. and you fight against that. or is it just that?

i dont know really. i get irritated when some one tells me " oh you could have gotten this, or done that" and i want to say, what if i dont want to... what if for me... what i want is completely different from what you want from me? im not going to waste my gifts but i dont want to have what you want from my life. the people i know, they seem to think differently. solme understand, some just shrug their shoulders and say " you must think about what i told you"

i need mental treatment... thats for sure... maybe its the same with the two people i was talking about... they want something else. they dont want these talents... they want something completely different... and i cant see what... but still i wish i had their talents... and be like them to not care and throw it all away...

the most hilarious ever....

2009-02-28T02:27:00.002+05:30

muthalik to sue pink chaddi campaigners

and i thought some people have something called "shame"

must read

just go away

2009-02-15T00:43:00.003+05:30

whisps of my body,

saw them walking ahead of me today,

in the fogs,

densed in smoke

prize posessions left behind

morning mist, smog some call,

absolved into mockery,

no one dares to listen,

not even walls,

they prod scars and prick them open

the dead rises again,

dark as the onyx,

the onyx lies dead,

sometimes moaning.

torn diaries... deleted memories...

i wish i had a pensieve....

to keep my memories locked in...

to keep mt love locked in too

value for money

2009-01-29T23:22:00.003+05:30

i have been often accused of not understanding the "true value" of a commercial block buster. and of not liking anything that gets very famous ...for example "kabhi alvida na kehna" i did not like the movie, i detested the way the movie was made. i hated shahrukh khan trying to be the man with "grey shades", frustrated idiot, which im sure he is offscreen too (considering he is supposed to be closet gay, and he is the superstar with hardly any movies that deserve critical acclaim, except bazigar, maybe) u can kill me sharukh fans. i hated rani mukherjee who cried for more than half the movie...

and well more recently, i hated slumdog millionare, with all its hype around it. when it got the golden globe and got nominated for oscars, i was reminded of one historical figure in bollywood, who is possibly the greatest man to ever go abroad to do india proud by singing songs like "jai bolo beimaan ki" winning the filmfare award, also known as bharat or more commonly manoj kumar, driving the then non-resident-blonde-hair-dyed-indians to tears. i mean a movie like taare zameen par with an original script, great acting, good direction(and im not saying that coz im a aamir fan) doesn't even get nominated?? and slumdog wins?? what i thought of slumdog was that it was a hyped commercial hindi made into english movie, and there have been better depictions of 1993 riots even in fiza, of the gangster salim in company, or the desperate lover boy in rab ne bana di jodi. and then ofcourse it was a pain to watch anil kapoor trying to be the sly gameshow host. And i was left wondering why would the entire mumbai come to a standstill to watch the climax of the movie. and then ofcourse there are other questions... the only character i thought was worthy of attention was maman, irfan and saurav shukla, the kids were amazing as actors too. and with all due respect to gulzar sahab, jai ho wasnt half as good as his other songs have been over the years. neither was this A. R. Rehmans best... ok, definitely not an oscar winning album.

the triple D

2009-01-25T01:33:00.002+05:30

nothing of the D company(ram gopal verma) comeback. its just the "dropout dream dashed" syndrome.

in the last few days i have nurtured a dream. to be a famous person despite dropping out college... and here is the system working (apparently) for me for a change. against my dream as usual. but well in a worldly sense of way...

and y shudnt i be upset, i ask? all my dreams of a holiday have been eaten up by working for seven days without a break and man, do i need it right now!!! (2 days is all it took).

i wanted to travel, be a vagabond. smoke, drink. live off my parent (everyone dreams of that!!! i'm sure) notice the singular in the parent, as my mother has officially disowned me. now, she claims she never even thought of it though. i am her only daughter in sickness and in health, in good times and bad, specially good.

and now dreams dashed, no more good poems coming up fans. just arbitrary bullshit... how nift is fucking me or viceversa... but i realised...

life is a dick... you will get grossed out... but that is all there is to it.... gand usko tumhari maarni hi hai. so... all hail balatkari (i was planning on linking to the utube video.. realised all the search results were gross)

replies part 2

2009-01-16T19:41:00.000+05:30

purgatory is a good place to be...
waiting there makes the complete sense...
the purification thus after
shall begin in blood,
and end in fire...
and after the passing through the holy fire,
one shall return to hell,
where the one shall bid goodbye,
"sleep well" you would say,
and turn ur eyes away,
for the fire is too strong,
hurts the eye...
there remain only black and white ashes...
the role reversals for once are final...
the promises finally complete,
there shall be no more...

atraaf

2009-01-13T23:39:00.004+05:30

दर्द लेके हाथ में,

बैठी हूँ समुंदर के कोने में,

साहिल कहते है जिसे |

कुछ करने को है नही,

बस दर्द को समेटा हुआ है मुट्ठी में ||

देख रही हूँ,

एक गोल सा जलता कोएला है,

पीले आसमान के canvas में, रंग भरता,

फ़िर जलाता,

जला-जला के रात कर गया वो कोएला,

और फ़िर बुझ गया समुंदर में ही डूब कर ||

आज रात खाली है,

और कमरे में एक मोम बत्ती पड़ी है कहीं,

आग नही है |

बस खाली कमरा है,

टेबल कुर्सियों से चेहरे लेके लोग खड़े हैं, जगह जगह|

बेढंगे से,

टूटी फूटी सी आँखों से ताकते,

अंधेरो में जलती आँखें,

तारे कहते है शायद उन्हें |

चमकती हैं,

पर रौशनी नही देती ||

चाँद के इंतज़ार में आज सब बेज़ार हो गए हैं |

चाँद नही उगेगा आज... ||

कल सुबह जलता कोएला हाथ में लेके,

फिर कोइ पैगम्बर आयेगा,

जलाके चला जाएगा सब फिर से ||

dismayed

2009-01-06T00:50:00.003+05:30

im dismayed, at my inability to write, and reading great masterpieces (as opposed to say slave pieces??) doesn't help my cause.

the kappao zone is being filled everyday...

and whatever that means... im bored. i have nuthing to do all day.. and i dont feel like doing anything at all, all day and night...at all days and nights.. new years...

HAPPY...

best thing to come across on new years

2009-01-02T00:50:00.002+05:30

its just the legend-wait for it -dary blog of barney stinson.

those who know about him... great... you are awesome those who dont for him.... here is wiki for you...

HIMYM

and hence starts another pathetic year...with some silver lining...

HAPPY NEW YEAR

greys and blues

2008-12-28T22:56:00.004+05:30

winter in fashion terms has always had greys and blues in the palette more than any other color. and strangely i defy it, i love wearing bright reds and pinks and purples. more because winters always leaves me in a blue and some greys.

for the first time in 2 years im actually contemplating suicide. and a very practical suicide at that. but dont want to consult suicide helplines and all. heard there are such things, question is why would a person who is contemplating suicide look for a help line, there may be some reasons that im listing out here :

they need their last contact with the material world
they need suggestions and help as to how to commit a foolproof suicide
they need to really know whether their life is worthless (that is another point of notice... why would anyone who is not worthless/jobless need to know this?)
they really dont want to commit suicide, they just wanna try how it feels. i.e. they are bored
or it simple means that suicide helplines are undercover pimp lines which provides men or women to desperate people who actually need sex instead of a suicide, which they are too scared to commit in the first place.
related to point # 5 they are all the virgins (the ones promised by gods), and they need to know whether there are any suicide bombers coming upto them in some time...

and hence the world moves on. there are going to be weird questions about this post. the point is that i have nothing better to do, or to look forward to. im utterly miserable, bored, pissed at this world, the people, my neighbours, even the dog who decided to paw my favourite muffler and tear it, affectionately ofcourse. or maybe it was a tool, a sign, from heavens to show that finally miss aparna... you have been proven useless. the strange thing is... im correcting my own sentences even at this "i dont giv a damn" point. where im atleast convincing my self that "i dont giv a damn"

there are various things i have to do though...try cocaine.. for one... maybe die of an overdose... and know im no kurt cobain. i dont have gun, a band, a girlfriend, or fame, or for that matter even a toy guitar. all i know how to play on the guitar is "zombie"... my life's ambition....

im so random...and predictable

currently listening to: radiohead, hinder, coldplay, metallica

currently reading: my own blog
current mood : pathetic

recently watched :hancock (strange name for a super hero), cars(the animated movie), national treasure II, futurama

2008-12-20T14:42:00.002+05:30

what else do i say?

I'm choking on my own silences.

There is, but, little hope of a CPR.

There is no good man around.

There is nothing left,

But the voice box.

And crackled pretentious voices are heard.

Like old broken radios.

There is calling out.

Now that im full,

While every one is gay,

I just ate silences,

Handfulls gobbled down in hurry,

The table was full,

Of silenced images,

And a box of pickled love.

and now i choke...

on silences and shadows..

fairy tales in trunks

2008-12-16T16:48:00.006+05:30

Pages which turn moldy, slimy,

And crumble into white ash,

Were once enameled,

And then mites came over and over,

Gnawing the enamel coated years away.

They ate through the skin,

Then started on the flesh,

Not once did that hurt,

No pain that the facade showed,

They just gnawed the memories away.

And ants ate the mites away,

They bit and snapped,

Hurt and pained,

They pinched and clawed,

Some mites remained…

And sprays didn’t work,

On these mites or on the ants,

The pages turned yellow and then green,

When the book was taken out,

It fell apart,

With the remains of some ants and mites,

None of the pages flew,

Just parts,

Unreadable words that vapourised.

The story ends right here,

Never gotta know what fairy tale it told,

There were no silver armoured princes,

Who rode white stallions,

Rode like the wind…

To sleeping princesses

currently listening to: radiohead, tokyo police club, the fray

currently reading: pukhraj (gulzar)
current mood : pathetic

recently watched : rab ne bana de jodi (yeah i know i have sunk to a new low), balls of fury, bill and ted (adventures and bogus journey),andaaz apna apna

reasons why terrorists won't attack chennai or kolkata

2008-12-06T13:35:00.003+05:30

there are various but lets start with this.... both these cities are extremely crowded... there is perpetual traffic jam... even if the terrorist did want to bomb a certain place at a certain time, it would be impossible to get there on time because of the incessant traffic jam. and the bomb might just blast off making the terrorist immortal and register himself on the martyr list.
both the cities are high on humidity levels, and when i say high i mean really high i mean really really HIGH... HIGH HIGH. now that you have got the point, the bombs just wont blast, they will try to blast, but end up just fizzing around and making people think that the bomb is some kinda snake.... they will be terrorised neverthless.
both the cities (with due respect, to atleast kolkata) stink. there is a perpetual over flow of nali water. i'm sure the terrorists dont want to wade through 3 feet water before they get round to terrorising people... and they will stink.... of the nalis. and the fact that they have been apparently trained in dry areas, that is not a very good place to be in.
there is only so much of maach bhaja and dosa sambhar a person can eat. since the dry fruit stock is no longer going to remain dry (see pt. 2 for reason) they have to eat local food to survive. and that is possible only if the terrorist hire the local people who are used to such food. and that is difficult... all chennai people and the kolkata people are very sentimental about their cities.
people in these cities are loud. they can scream at the top of their voices, out doing a loudest microphone by a large margin, and specially the women, and these women are trained spies of their own accord. and if anyone gets a sniff of the terrorists trying to terrorise, they will scream and alert everyone within the radius of 3 miles before the terrorists can silence them. and the people will beat them up relentlessly, they would not wait for the police to arrive. since they know that the police or the authorities will be stuck in the traffic snarls mentioned in pt. 1.
these cities are both terrorised already by jayalalitha and mamta banerjee respectively, y confront them?
the terrorists are human too, they know that kolkatans and chennaiites already go through a lot in a day. hanging in a local train in the high humidity & stink (pt 2 & 3 for ref.) having to suffer the rain all year. and then the potholes... and ofcourse the two mighty women (pt. 6), im sure they dont want more woes on these poor people...

jokes apart, its a good thing such a thing hasnt happened in my beloved kolkata, and other's beloved chennai. and i wish they remain the same. happy terrorising to these two cities.

being bong

2008-11-29T02:02:00.001+05:30

There are two kinds of Bengalis that I know. Probashi or Expatriate Bangalees, a fairly large and diverse group about which I can't write as I am one of them. And Bengalees who are from Kolkata. This group is incorrectly known as Bongs, as they are merely a subset. However, this is the only group which matters. Gokhale told of them, long years back, 'What Bengal thinks today, India thinks tomorrow.' To which Rene Descartes responded, 'I think (today), therefore I am (Bengali).' Like all other Nobel Prize Winners, Oscar Awardees and most successful Indian cricket captains, Rene Descartes was also a Bong (this fact is not known outside of Kolkata).

Physical Description: The Bong has a large head, glasses, glistening hair and dark skin. Older Bongs develop an ample stomach to balance their large heads. This happens by the age of 25. They smell of Keo Karpin. The average life expectancy is 65 years. What is even more impressive is what they do in those years. Outside Kolkata, regardless of weather, sex or age, Bongs can be seen in Monkey Caps. This is a must-have accessory as well as a sign to recognize other Bongs. (please see second update for more). The Bongling can often be recognised in either over-sized or under-sized school uniforms. The Bong mother's second biggest fear (See diet for the biggest one) is that the 'porer bochor o lomba hoye gele abar notun skirt kinte hobe!!' or 'Next year, if you grow taller, we'll again have to buy a new skirt!!' Thus, the school uniform is selected to last at least three years. Thus the uniform sits as conspicuously on the Bongling as the plumage of a macaw.

Early Years: While most Bongs are born with innate talents in singing, dancing, painting, film-making, cooking or embroidery, their creative talents are honed even before they can start speaking. Frequent meets are organised between infants and their successful ancestors and other relatives. MA degrees (preferably from Cambridge , at least from Presidency or Jadobpoor) are displayed over the cots. The infant is exposed to the best of Bengali thought - Marx, Bentham, Kalidas, Tolstoy, Chekov. This increases the sizes of their heads and the height of their ambitions. Similar examples, though rare, can be found in European tradition as well, like in the case of Mozart. In India , however, Bongs have the sole preserve on such activity during infancy. Soon, when they grow up a little, their characters are honed in the best of schools. Here, I am not referring to the South Points, La Marts, Don Boscos and all. They are important in the nurture a Bong child goes through. What is even more important are the schools the Bong child passes through before school and after school. Many a Bong child wakes up at five o'clock in the morning to attend swimming classes. After one hour of swimming, he attends tennis coaching before rushing off to one of the South Points, LaMarts etc. mentioned above. School finishes by two or so, from where he scoots along to Singing/ Instrumental Music/ Dance Classes, then tuition (for at least three of all five subjects). He rounds off the day with coaching on either Debating or Quiz. Many a Bong mother will carry the child along through this day, feeling equally energised. This behaviour is again not restricted to Bongs. It also seen within kangaroos in Australia who rush along from one clump to another bush.

Growing up: Soon the Bong attains adolescence, doesn't find friends of his age (since everyone is competing for the Nobel Prize or the Indian captaincy) and finds intimacy in conversation in his/her parents and poems of T.S.Eliot and Pablo Neruda. When school ends, they move on to the good colleges- Presidency, Xavier's or IIT Kharagpur. The best of them, though, move straight to Joo (Jadobpoor). However, in recent years, Dilli (Stephen's obviously) is becoming the preferred destination for some escapists. In colleges, they decorate their rooms with books or portraits of Robi Guru (Tagore). On the opposite wall, men would have posters of Che/Maradona and women would have Enrique Iglesias, thus expressing solidarity with Latin American culture. All of them share equal interest in the Bong-Rock (Bhumi, Chondrobindu, Cactus, Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin and Deep Purple).

Later Years: Bongs mature early. Critics have said that they grow old early, but that is nothing but old hat. Years of toil and Eliot would obviously bestow wisdom. The reason they look older is because the sole purpose of a Bong's life is to win the Nobel Prize or the Oscars (and in recent years, captain the Indian team). With great responsibility comes great age. Add to it the chlorine in the swimming pools and you know why Bongs grey prematurely. As far as their mission in life is concerned, they have been very successful at it. Every Indian Nobel Prize winner has been Bong (the others who weren't don't matter). So have the Oscar Awardees. And most successful Cricket Captains. And Bipasha Basu. Once Bongs have kids though, their mission on life changes. The only raision de'etre for them is making sure that their progeny achieves the heights that they could (or couldn't). Hence, they are mostly found outside of schools, colleges and tuition classes.

Diet: Diet is as important as Robindro Shongeet. There's nothing that a Bong can't eat. However, they prefer protein over other food groups. The largest source of protein for them is fish, then meat, and then mishti (sweets) made from milk. More than fish itself, it is the knowledge of fish which is coveted and enjoyed. Carbohydrates are tolerated if they are fried in oil or if it is accompaniment to fish. Luchis (somewhat like a Puri), Telebhajas (pakoras) and Phuchkas (Paani Puri) are the favoured source of carbohydrates. The young Bengali though invariably always has Farex, Lactogen and Waterbury 's Compound. As far as they most important meal of the day is concerned, please do note that what dieticians have been saying in the last few years, Bongs have known for centuries. Breakphast/tiphphin is an occasion where the entire family comes together, to watch the office-going Bong male and school-bound Bonglings eat. The Bong woman's biggest fear is that 'Shokale bhaat dal mach bhaaja na kheye beriye gailo' or 'In the morning, He went out without eating rice, dal and fish fry.' To round off the calories, Dal is often accompanied by aaloo bhaate, aaloo bhaja, potol bhaaja and various other heartily fried stuff. Not for the faint-hearted.

Mating and procreation: A few Bong end up being in relationships, which lead to love marriage. This is sometimes shown in movies and song. However, most do not have any such social malignancy and end up marrying the woman of their mother's dreams or men of their father's choosing. This results in mixing the right genes for the next cycle of Bongs.Love marriage, by its very nature, is random. It sometimes results is tragedy, like marrying into another country (like India ). Hence, it is avoided, wherever possible.

Social Life: Adda, robindro shongeet and cha. Repeat. Do note that the young Bong doesn't have a social life (at least not till he wins the Nobel or gets a Government job). And phootball. the Bongs have had an illustrious history of achievement in football. Every para (neighbourhood) has stories of when they won the World Cup at the expense of the next one. The last time it happened in my parent's para was in 1986, when Argentina won in Mexico . Diego Maradona, who looks Bhodrolok enough, give or take a few lines of coke, scored famously using his hand, a skill which he learnt in Kolkata. Over the last few years, Brazil has been gladdening the hearts of many Zicos who were born in Kolkata around 1982-86. The only team which is not Bong is Germany as they play with more efficiency and no creativity, which thus is not amenable to adda. Do not ask of a Bong doing anything on the phootball field as then the Bong will keep you occupied about Jakarta ,1962. 'Chuni Goswami je Ball tule dilo PK ke. Match-er aagei bolechilo, 'Ekta Ball debo. Daam kore maarish. Gol hobe'.' Chuni Goswami put a football up for PK (Banerjee). He told him before the match itself, 'I will give you one ball. Hit it with a bang. Goal will happen.' Obviously, it is also the crowning moment of Indian phootball.

Habitat: While you may find a Bong in other places (like occasionally in offices), the best time to observe a Bong is in his natural habitat - the best of colleges, the best of schools, the best of coffee houses. It is here that he will tell you about Balzac while she will recite poetry with gay abandon. To mix in with the Bong, apply Keo Karpin to your hair and carry a jhola. Hopefully, they won't notice your small head. Do not worry about not knowing the language as the Bong likes being heard.

Famous Bongs :Many famous Bongs have been referred to in this extract. Hence, this section is used to debunk that big myth about Bongs. People believe that Bong men can't be hunky. If so, then what about Abhishek Bachchan (via mother), Saif Ali Khan (via mother), John Abraham (via girlfriend), Hritik Roshan (via grandmother).

Bongs in Literature, Film, Art: Everywhere you care to look.

Closing Word: Being Bong at the end of the day is a state of mind. Or, a case of being discovered by them. Best of luck.

This is hilarious. Someone with a fantastic ringside view of Bongs has written this! I don't know the author but if someone points it out, I would be glad to cite the person!

great status msgs and the rest.

2008-11-24T21:26:00.005+05:30

status msgs are very interesting things....

here are some recent updates that i found very interesting

What worries me most about the credit crunch is that if one of my cheques is returned stamped 'insufficient funds', I won't know whether that refers to mine or the bank's!
All right, brain. You don't like me and I don't like you, but let's just do this and I can get back to killing you with beer.
I envy all you guys. You dont need a mirror to see magnificent me..
god is dead and they think i did it.
public displays of affection for gods are all fine, trouble is the traffic jam.
life's like the band I'm in, that starts playing different tunes everytime I dream and try to make my own song...
"All the truth in the world adds up to one big lie"-bob dylan
I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?

running out

2008-11-23T14:16:00.002+05:30

i seem to have run out of ideas... my life... spicy as it is, is extrememly frustrating these days. and the escapist that i am... i dont even feel like moving a muscle... how long can a person keep lying in bed (more importantly, how long can a person type with one hand?) i seem to have suddenly fallen in love with sleeping... i just dont feel like getting up to face the loser in me these days.....damn it ..... damn it damn it..... i hate working these days... and this was supposed to be my passion.... what crap

im in sucha block.... dude this is suffocatingly irritating... im stuck in my own fatmosphere....

33,00,00,000 gods and more

2008-11-21T02:57:00.001+05:30

the jewel track goes
"so we pray to as many different gods,
as there are flowers...
but who will save your soul"

and there are... many gods, one each for different religions, castes, societies. there are fights, murders, terrorism over these gods. after all that is disenchantment. from our gods, we form our own gods. we follow cults, or become atheists, we don't believe. Humans have a tendency to slight everything else that anyone else believes. religion can kill you, and it can make you live, in hope.
people have their own way of bringing faith in their lives, and thats what cultures and societies are made on. what brings them happiness is what god is to them. everything else exists cause we exist, we the living, breathing, talking beings. the mere fact that we live in the face of an apparently meaningless or absurd world. everything begins from that and ends there.

the insignificants

2008-11-21T02:32:00.002+05:30

There are a million images one finds when one walks on the streets... of different faces walking around. Of a million insignificant things lying around. Scraps, junks, pieces of paper, maybe some love letters lying around...
And then there are kids. Nameless, faceless, thousands... They beg, they sell odd magazines at every red light. They dance and put up road shows. Have their own games that they play. and you sympathize, give them a rupee or two, in India, they are found every where. they don't have a home to go to in the night. They sleep on the streets...just wherever they may find a little place to put their tiny bodies. The government talks about child labour, education of the "future" and these little "brats" don't even know whether they will eat or not in the night. some just die, without making a sound, get lost in the oblivion... and we can only stand and have pity.

what does one design for them?
what does one inspire from them?

image courtesy: google, i dont remember the link to it.... :(

Trust

2008-11-18T10:35:00.000+05:30

Is it really humane to trust and then distrust, and may be trust back again? Is it fair?

I've had my share of trust, distrust, and trust ... Is a moment of distrust following? Will I be able to distrust again? And later, will I be able to trust again?

Is it reasonable to kind of shift between the trust and distrust just based on the need of the hour? That would probably not be a valid statement. We go into a state of distrust when we need Him the most and He isn't there. Or it seems He isn't there. Why do we go back into a state of trust at some point in time again then? Do we need Him again? Do we forgive Him?

Is it fair on our part? Is it fair for Him? Can He forgive us for distrusting Him?

in the past (maheshwar)

2008-11-09T00:28:00.011+05:30

we have seen how, the one has traveled to various places in the last few years, so she decided it is now high time she starts writing about these trips, as there are various memories attached to them.

maheshwar(there has been a post about this), for example, its one of the most calm places to which i have been. apart from the fact that it is on the banks of an incredible river, and has beautiful temples, and is a small peaceful town, it also has rapids just a few miles down the river. sitting on the steps leading down to the rivers (or "ghats" as they are more commonly known) is like listening to gulzar's poetry. sometimes, just the fact that, this is another land, another world that i have never seen before gives me enough to think about. there are trees and plants that i know about... but these are not known to me...
its a quiet place. a very quiet place. and the river flows with its own rhythm, making songs along the way, no wonder there is so much poetry and music made about the rivers in india. you hum along some random song that comes to your head. introspection, retrospection, nothing of the sort... i just got lost in the endless gurgles and laughters of the river. it felt as if she was laughing at me. laughing at the petty things i keep chantering about. sometimes you just get annoyed, and throw in a stone, she just laughs again "missed" she calls out and laughs again.

you can see this temple right at the middle of the river, one needs to take a boat to go in there. the breeze plays with its bell, occassionally u can hear it ring in the middle of the night. as if calling out to u. maybe it was feeling lonely. how many nights did i spend on the bank?? maybe out of the 10 odd days i spent there.... 6. the water plays with everything there. there are little kids who swim around, challenging each other, swimming into as far as they can go, laugh while trusting the river completely. how many generations has this river seen... growing up and playing with her. while she incessantly goes along. maybe she has a little chat with the gods in the temple, or maybe she washes down all the worldly dust settled on the hundred odd shiva lingams that are strewn here and there along the banks.

on the first day i just took a walk along the bank, with some old fishing boats tethered along. some broken, and rotting away, some forgotten for the day as their work has been done early morning, and now their owners must be in the markets...selling what they found from the mother river.
there have been more lonely walks have been taken in that town, with a camera, and a dupatta to keep off the heat of the day.
there have been calls, real calls (not phone) out to the boat man, and wishes that the wind carries your voice to them, and tell them to pick me up from the ghats of the hotel and take me to the other side of the river tot he village, or to the fort. the fort itself is not too huge, but it is beautiful. one almost wishes, it could be stayed in now, there is a little restaurant inside the fort. where you get meetha chirwa. or you could have your dinner in the homes of the various families that give homely food to travelers for a very small price. it is the hub for the textile craft of maheshwari sarees, which is basically cotton/silk blend sarees and is very sheer, it has a zari paar and almost all homes in this area have the loom in their verandah. some do it for mass production, others work under the NGO's. some may just be working for dyeing and stocking fibre. it is a beautiful silk craft that the NGO's are working to preserve. the design students going there every year try, and learn what they can in the 2 weeks they have there. it is a skill that one needs to develop and does not come easy though. a lot more to be done... a lot more...
I'm just waiting to go back. god!!! this stupid college needs to get over, and its been too long that im stuck.... hopefully more coming up soon

currently listening to: three days grace, cat stevens, slipknot

currently reading: sa'adat hassan manto (in hindi), greatest short stories
current mood : 1st track:nostalgia, 2nd track: in love and upset about it, 3rd track: randomly tensed about work

currently watching : dogma (the movie), step up 2 (the streets)

in the shadows, and in dostoyevsky

2008-11-08T23:06:00.003+05:30

quote unquote
"there are some rather queer corners in Petersburg. the sun, which shines for all the rest of the city, never seems to peep into those places. it's another sun that does, a new one, specially ordered for these remote corners, and it throws a different, a peculiar light on everything. Life in those remote corners seems a world apart, in no way resembling the life that seethes about us; it is the sort of life that could be going on in some fabulous strange kingdom, and not on our planet at all, in these very, very serious times of ours. and this life is that peculiar mixture of something that is purely fantastic, ardently idealistic and also, at the same time(alas nastenka), bleaky humdrum and ordinary, not to say incredibly banal"

and then there was chandni chowk....
or was that before...????

moments of happiness

2008-11-08T14:34:00.001+05:30

It’s the weird moments of happiness that I’m clinging on to these days. Just a little moment. Why does love do this to you? Make you such a complete loser. If it wasn’t for being in love, I would live my other moments too, nahi? Your smiles depend on someone so completely unaware of it, that it hurts… everything hurts anyway. The pain of it is “sweet” some say. And in hindsight that seems like such a completely ridiculous idea. Some said “don’t cry for me” and I don’t know to correct him… the fact that I don’t cry for him, I just cry. It hurts so much not to be with him.
I seem to be like a pathetic cry baby… it’s not too good. It’s not a very good symptom to behave like a loser all the time… I should follow my own advice… be in love and enjoy it… the only problem being.. I don’t have too much choice. I haven’t been given the choice of being in love and not wanting him. Though it is not imposed, or so I have heard, but it is required. The pining hurts and no one knows that better than me.

The curtains shall be drawn,
Not on you my love, not on you,
Just me, so don’t you fear…

Don’t fear I shall not go away,
Only from you my love, only from you,
I shall not show you my pathetic pains…

My pathetic pains that sear,
Not with hurt my love, not with hurt,
Just with this overbearing longing for you…

This longing for you that burns,
Not your memories my love, not your memories,
Just the skin on my flesh, melting down all beauty around me…

The beauty that reflects that playful smile on your lips,
Oh! the “need” my love, oh! the need,
If only I knew how to live without it, I would.

I just live, my love, in this paradise,
Waiting for you to fall, my love,
While the angels tie me,
And then reveal their demonic faces…
And I, my love, unable to break free,
Wait in vain, for you...
For you, my love,
Must have ascended to your heaven,
And the mere shadow of me
must have been vanquished
by the over bearing light of the gods

in insanity, in manto, in offence

2008-11-05T21:56:00.005+05:30

i have started reading manto "sadat hassan manto". im starting to think whether it was a good idea to read a realist novelist specially when im at this cross road of a dream and a love.

i have been trying to avoid 'serious' books since catch 22. hence avoided "catcher in the rye", but i guess it was just destiny that i bought this book out of all others on the station and started reading it. should i call it depressive, realism is depressive. i just came back to the same conclusion that i keep wobbling from time to time. that someone who is called "barking mad" is generally the one who sees most sense in things. we senseful people have a way of romanticizing ideas and philosophies, we make out things as they are now, or make as we would want them to be.
aur ummeed pe duniya kayam hai...

aur ummeedon se koi ummeed hai nahi mujhe
bahot hi luchha type ka thha...

currently listening to: marasim(i confess i listen to jagjit singh), fuzon, farida khannum, mehdi hassan

currently reading: sajad hassan manto (in hindi), greatest short stories
current mood :

recently watched : dead poets soceity, golmal returns

ab tak dil-e-khushfeham ko hai tujh se ummeede..
yeh aakhri shamme bhi bujhane ke liye aa..............
ranjhish hi sahi

dude.... this love thing na....

2008-11-03T21:22:00.000+05:30

a(exhasperated) : are u sure u wanna get into this
A: yes, unfortunately, not by choice...
a: so wtf are u really doing?
A: being in love (Sigh)
a: cheeze cheeze cheeeeeeeze... i feel im standing infront of a camera...
A: this is magical, hand in hand, walk in the moonlight
a: and wat moonlight was this... never saw this one...
A: ok, ok, street lights.... as if the road wont end...
a: are u serious??? are U SERIOUSLY serious??
A: forget the cheeze and corn... i had a hell of a time yesterday, i hav no fucking clue why...,
a: really really mad woman....what the fuck am i doing with u in the same head....
dude this love thing na.... sucks.....

and that;s how the cookie crumbles

2008-11-03T21:20:00.000+05:30

for some weird reason... the cookies of my blogger space arent getting loaded... what crap???
:(
and despite attempts at sleeping... no one really wants me to sleep

poured on ice

2008-10-27T03:17:00.007+05:30

it has been one of the most interesting weekends ever. how do you explain your first tour "band tour" with a bunch of 6 amazing people... 2 of who are "old" friends?? i dont know which is more exciting... the fact that im coming on stage after such a long time??? or staying in a fucking palace, with 7 servants at your disposal, not even having to get up to get a glass of water(believe me if you do get up, you get scolded....by agomoni atleast) and having amazing food, and drinks every night.

spending nights after nights chatting up... the journey was memorable... specially the fact that it was freezing in the night and we all cursed vikram while he slept snug under his warm blanket. by the next morning, all our throats were "kinda" gone, adrak vaali chaye and warm water doing the trick for us to perform that evening.

ahmednagar is a fantastic place. and we stay in a house in the cantonment area surrounded by lush green landscapes, and windmills over a small hilltop on the horizon. its exceptionally beautiful and i wish i could spend some more time here, painting and singing... reading under the morning sun in the winters (not that i get up s o early) rushabhs mother is an amazing hostess.... she has taken care of everything.... i just dont feel like doing anything actually. just laze around all day.

the gig was in the night... we met deepa malik who actuallly is amazing... sports person completely... a biker (i just think thats the most amazing thing about her ) a national and international level swimmer... and she has a daughter who is 18.... she has a fantastic sense of dressing. by the way she on the roadies show too...
the gig itself was good.. we were sounding fairly nice.... i think we looked good on stage, and did well too... should thank dev. slightly nervous though... but we were good yaar... i think i shall put up parts of our show on youtube... then giv u guys a link...

thats the firsdt gig done... now we have another one coming up today...

bhosadike kaisa hai??....of abuses and their origins....

2008-10-16T20:27:00.002+05:30

Bhosadike!!!!!!!!

It would surprise many of you to know that the origins of this word are
in a
Sanskrit greeting,
Bho sad ike ? भो सद इके ?
meaning,
Sir, are you well?

Everyone knows that 'Sad' is a prefix used for good things, like sadguru,
sadiccha etc.

'Bho' is a term used for respect, brahmins will know it since it is used
in the abhivadaye.

Ika is a aatmanepadi verb meaning 'to be'.
ike ikaavahe ikaamahe
Ikase ikethe ikadhve
ikate ikete ikante
are its forms.
This was a popular form of greeting in ancient India, before the Mughals
came and prohibited this greeting, for reasons unknown.
However some enterprising locals continued to use this greeting.
Therefore, to assassinate this greeting morally, the mughals gave it
vulgar
connotations, and those are alive even know.

It is time we revived our ancient indian traditions.......
Say Bhosadike to all the people you meet and explain them its true
meaning

got this in my mail box... well seems like a good laugh... i mean seriously....

bhosadike... i wish my faculty understood my love i have for my ancient sanskrit culture....

and the love dies young

2008-10-15T17:14:00.001+05:30

which is worse.... losing ur best friend.. or losing the one who u know u cant live without... who said he wud be thr always.. as the best friend. is it just 10 days or forever???

or is it better that u lose the one who u love... and get back that friendship... im being selfish... i dont wanna lose either... but at what cost???

$:kyun baar baar phone kar leti ho, maya???

@:mere samaan ka kya hoga... jo lautane hai..??? aur un baaton ka kya jo sach the lekin jhooth bhi... ya jhooth the par shayad sach bhi... meri awaaz ka kya hoga???

rex in the puja

2008-10-12T13:07:00.005+05:30

the time of durga puja is pure fun...staying up late nights, going out whenever and wherever possible...have great food... DONT cook at home... eat non-veg every meal.... man it rocks... and ofcourse i get to wear new clothes every day.... rather two sets every day... everyone would crash at my place... have beer, talk till 6 in the morning... smoke innumerable cigs.. had my bro over for the puja... and was quite a lot of fun.would go out for odd drives with shreyas, and dinners, went to CR park... was missing dee...

there was no time for onyx the whole of puja... hardly spoke to him, and i guess he was a lil hurt by that. i sometimes dont get him. he doesnt wanna talk to me at times and gets weird when i dont talk to him... i wish i could meet him. well "patience." damnit.

the govt is an asshole.. rather rammados is... ullu ke pathe ne smoking ban kara di...woh to thik tha... he has banned smoking in bars and pubs...what the fuck... how are we supposed to smoke when we are high... leave everyone.. go back home and drink... ajeebiyat....

watched LOTR... dude... legen-wait for it-dary movie hai... i had sooo much fun i cant begin to explain....50 inch monitor. the scenes were awesome...12 hours of pure epic-ness....

this year was really good..... i mean this year puja was really good... come to think of it... this year was also pretty good over all... despite the screw ups... i have had a lot of fun... lets see what comes of it till december....

currently listening to:AC/DC, Magdalene, zero, raghu dixit, pearljam live at pink pop 1992

currently reading :catch 22, tin tin the comic series by herge

recently watched :lord of the rings (all three back to back) unedited versions on a 50 inch monitor.... dude awesome is the word.

image (C) one of the idiots : the friends at the pandal at about 1 in the morning.

dhai ka pahad competition contd...

2008-10-03T18:51:00.002+05:30

the trophy has been officially taken away...

i met chandru yesterday... narcissist down to earth... sweet guy...

and he took away the trophy... maroing adda in cp has its own charms...

mad women... urchins begging around for ice... from mc donalds soft drink cups...

lights all around the central park... the mix and match of old and new buildings...living old memories, walking around with ciggerates and like it always happens in cp... meeting long lost friends... talking about bans on public smoking and looking around for thullas...

good old cp...

A: "abbe pagal hai kya, itna jaldi kyun ja raha hai?"

C: "yaar, i really need to go"

A: "kyun kya hua??"

C: "i dont wanna be raped..."

A: "huh?"

C: well dwarka wala route raat ko bahut khaali ho jata hai, i dont want to be called metrosexual"

A: (exasperated) the trophy is yours

S: (silent for about 1 and a half hour before this) (starts laughing) haan bhai trophy teri hi ho gayi

update.... had a lovely evening yesterday with caramel something-or-the-other and then suttas and walks... then a lovely dinner, and music, paan and a drive back home....

met two new people...new people who i had heard so much about.. it was as if i knew them from earlier than i remember.... pradeep and shekhar..

song of today....

2008-10-02T00:31:00.002+05:30

She scratches a letter,

into a wall made of stone

Maybe someday another child wont,

feel as alone as she does

Its been two years, and counting,

since they put her in this place

Shes been diagnosed by some stupid fuck,

and mommy agrees, yeah...

She seems to be stronger,

but what they want her to be is weak

She could play pretend,

she could join the game, boy

She could be another clone...ooh...

Why go home?

What you taught me...

put me here...

dont come visit...(mother...)

Sting me...

why go - Pearl Jam

that's the song of the day... on a guilt trip...still deciding what would be the sane way of dealing with it... how will i ever be able to deal with it...without hurting anyone... some times its strange how some songs are perfectly apt for one...

currently listening to: pearl jam... pink pop 92; alice in chains mtv unplugged; nirvana mtv unplugged

currently reading: catch 22, joseph heller
current mood : what the fuck, it sucks anyway

currently watching : pinkpop, last lear, cowboy bebop the movie, x men evolution

news update

2008-09-27T21:01:00.002+05:30

Posted By Arvind-Saturday, September 27, 2008

Phir koi Mohanchand Marega ... Shivraj phir se kapde badal badal kar media ke saamne aayega ... Mushir-ul-Hassan phir se Jamia ke Aatankvaadi chhatron ke liye vakil dhoondega ... Sirphira Arjun dobara atankvadiyon ko masoom student batlayega ... Sonia Auntee phir se hospitals ka daura karengi ... Mannu Manmohan phir ek regret message padhega ... Goerge Bush phir ek shok sandesh bhejega ... Advani phir govt ki naakami par chillayenge ... Bechara Karnail Singh apni ATS kee khaal bachata phirega ... Zardari man hee man khush hoga ... Narendra Modi phir se garjega ... Mulla Mulayam aur Muazzin Amar singh phir se SIMI ko desh bhakt sangthan saabit karenge ... Dilwali Dilli phir bhi nahi daregi ... Dilli ke zindadil log hospitals ke aage phir khoon dene ke liye queue lagayenge ... Phir kisi Mohan Chand ka beta hospital mein Dengue se pidit hoga ... MOHAN CHAND PHIR SE SHAHADAT KA JAAM PIYEGA ... YEH DELHI BOMBATHON HAI ... JAGO INDIA JAGO

posted on ndtv.com 27.09.08 after mehrauli blast

dhai ka pahad... the competition

2008-09-21T14:54:00.002+05:30

in the last few years... in the off and on friendship between me and shreyas, thr have been a couple of constants.

our love for pancham, gulzar sahab and asha ji/ kishore da(alternatively, or maybe i wouldnt know)
our love for pink floyd (especially DSOTM)
our constant fights and shouting matches over one thing or the other
him singing khamaj...and me knowing that i dont know anyone else who can sing this song better than him...and him requesting me to sing the toughest of songs...knowing im gonna screw it up anyway.
and our competition for the worst jokes ever.

and it is the last im gonna talk about.... now shreyas sharma (or big daddy, as he likes to refer to himself...at times) has a sense of humour. most people who know him wil agree that he has an awful sense of humour. i mean so bad that u end up wishing why, just why isnt stabbing legal. and most of the times you would not even care if it was legal or not... you would simple hit and punch him and wish that you had a dagger.... except that punches dont effect him much... not mine anyway.

weirdly enough... i decided to give him some competition in the matter. and the last one year has been mine... as in i was holding on to the trophy and no matter how much he tried he just couldnt surpass the "egg-sell" joke... as far as i remember, this was about some paki bowler who if he hadnt "excelled" in bowling would be "egg-selling"
then i came up with the
"Q: why shouldnt you pick up a hurt चील from the road??
A: coz it would be ill-eagle...."

i guess that was the last straw for mr sharma's im-the-more-pathetic-one ego. so the attempts to snatch the trophy became fervent. and he came up with vari9ous ones... he would just pop them up at unexpected moments

" what would be the last name of you friend named vicky?

"pedia"
vicky-pedia..."

what if you had to say the multiplication tables of 2.5??

please dont ...."ढाई का पहाड़" मत बना....

what should himesh reshamiya be really named??

rimmesh..... since all he does is makes noises as if someone is rimming him.

thr are more, the one that took the trophy.... damn i cant remember it... considering that i will not be spared of his bad jokes... the trophy is to stay with him. and i dont think im gonna try to surpass him....

so mr sharma the trophy is to stay with you.. or i'm hiring a certain someone from kolkata to kill you...she will definitely do the job...considering how much weary she is of you...

currently listening to: circus maximus, dark side (in tribute to rick wright), chris cornell

currently reading: catch 22, joseph heller
pukhraj (gulzar poetry colection)
raat pashmine ki(gulzar poetry colection_

currently watching :scoop (the movie) 10 things i hate about you, casablanca

dhai ka pahad

2008-09-17T03:07:00.002+05:30

yeh achi musibat hai...

is compose box mein hindi mein transliterate(i think that what it is called) karne ka icon hi nahi hai...

chalo englindi* hi sahi

pichle kuch dino mein dimag bada kharab hua hai.... college mein dher kaam hai aur main yahan apna 170va (ek sau sattarva) blog post likh rahi hoon

hindi mein... ya latin script mein hindi hai.... khair... dhai ka pahad ka ek alag kissa hai.. college ka kaam ho nahi raha... dhero tashtariyan ghum rahi hai is upri manzil mein... aur kahne ke liye ek lavs nahi.... samjhane ke liye shabd nahi...

hmm hmm.... kya bewakufi hai....

not promised

2008-09-11T20:28:00.005+05:30

"The texan turned out to be good-natured, generous and likable. In three days no one could stand him."

-Joseph Heller in Catch 22

this is not one of the two posts promised previously.

on a completely different note...
there are several tragedies in life. the loss of love, money, support, friendship, respect, loss of a loved one... so much that one may forget what was happiness like in the first place. and then happiness arrives in the form of insanity...

how does one define insanity...

Isn't it insane to keep pretending?
Is it sane to not say out things that you feel, out loud?....

both answers "NO"

apparently to be able to lie mostly to yourself makes you sane in this world full of dramatisation

"all the world is a stage" and we make puppets out of our selves.

'that the only way to survive such an insane system is to be insane oneself,'

- Joseph Heller, catch 22 (again)

out of the Ten Commandments, ONE, the "thou shalt not bear false witnesses against thy neighbor" but thou canst do thus to thy own self, was for sure, written very carefully. planned out to every last detail.

out of all the pains that one can suffer, which is the maximum that one can bear? which is the one thing that makes it more bearable...

i had always believed that if you were to find a person who you loved as much as he/she loved you, all the other pains become more bearable... it worked for me. i withstood every bullshit of my life through sam

i now have been told, "i see things only unidimensionally" and "the one that you love, who gives you the maximum happiness, also gives you the most pain"

my faith in love was tainted... now i have started believing my love for a person was the only one i can look up to. and since it is never going to come back.in the form of onyx or otherwise... maybe i can just live on with my lifetime in those 3 and a half years.

some way or the other my snape, and paul need to understand that im not to be loved not coz i dont deserve it... but they deserve more than me...

currently listening to: poets of the fall, indus creed, julio eglisias, poems from the movie

DUS KAHANIA (Gulzar sahab ki likhi hui poems hai bhai)

currently reading: catch 22, joseph heller

currently watching : cowboy bebop (the movie), Saturday night live (with john bon jovi)

news update

2008-09-08T01:26:00.003+05:30

a series coming up....
and the new band....
no, her highness is not a part of it... her life is never gonna be as exciting as she makes it out to be

random boredome...

by the way thr is a question....
"why is netherland called nether-land??"

any body know the history (the story i mean...the history is available on wiki)