the girl from yesterday

"The Girl From Yesterday"

It wasn't really sad the way they said good-bye
Or maybe it just hurt so bad she couldn't cry
He packed his things, walked out the door and drove away
And she became the girl from yesterday

He took a plane across the sea
To some foreign land
She stayed at home and tried so hard to understand
How someone who had been so close could be so far away
And she became the girl from yesterday

She doesn't know what's right
She doesn't know what's wrong
She only knows the pain that comes from waiting for so long
And she doesn't count the teardrops
That she's cried while he's away
Because she knows deep in her heart
That he'll be back someday

The light's on in the window; she's waiting by the phone
Talking to a memory that's never coming home
She dreams of his returning and the things that he might say
But she'll always be the girl from yesterday
Yeh, she'll always be the girl from yesterday

back in early february, in chennai, lying on the bed, 'the girl from yesterday' was listening to this particular song from the "hell freezes over " album of the eagles... trying extremely hard to believe that she was definitely not the girl from yesterday... trying hard not to think of the days gone by....wishing and hoping against hopes that the person sleeping next to her is definitely not the one who could even think of his life without her. one who would always be with her... never knew why he wud be though...never asked that question...coz never needed to.. never thought would come down to questioning it. questioning the love for him.
the pain is very real. but the pretence lives on....'the girl from yesterday' lives on on the inside just as it is. just as eagles wrote it. as if living the life this girl from yesterday....the pretence lives on. the pain and the smiles stay together

A pretence

A silent tear that rolled down her eye
And still, I can see no reason why
He failed to notice that precious wasted tear
He's failed to bring her a bright cheer
Oh! He's failed for the umpteenth time now
And He's failed as if he can't recover.
Oftentimes, He's as helpless as me
Only He's absent from the scene and I ain't;
I don't have a choice but to watch her cry
Try, try and try is all I do; God damn try
Try to cheer her up, try to be a man
And Him? He's fake, lame and yes, a scam.

Sorry if this offended anyone; I didn't mean that. It's just that He's no longer a reason I have to look up to. He's a mere pretense to me now. I could've written it over my blog but due to some reasons I chose not to.

ON UR OWN

I GOT A MAIL FROM A FRIEND SAYING ALL THESE THINGS AND ASKING WHETHER I WILL FINALLY DELETE THE MSG OR PASS IT ON!!!
WELL HERE IS THE ANSWER...

"well i wil delete it.....
the reason is as follows...have u tried answering those questions urself???
well i may like to try answering those questions for u...only try.....
1.Why is it so hard to tell the truth...yet so easy to tell a lie, ......
ANS: coz its easy to get away with a lie.... coz almost no one...including myself is ready to face the truth. and wen we do face the truth ...we are scared....to openly acknowledge it....
2.why do we sleep in the temple. but when the sermon is over we suddenly wake up?
ANS coz wen we hear it....we realise thr is nothing which is being said that we agree with.....its a bunch of "spiritual bullshit" that which is not applicable in todays world... neither is it the whole truth....most of the times the sermons are made in hatred to other religions....in hypocricy that has built up over the years...wen we wake up atleast we have had those few minutes of peaceful sleep.
3.why is it so hard to talk about God...but so easy to talk about sex?
ANS easy...coz its so much less complicated....who do u talk to god about?? what about god do u talk to? god is a very personal thing....thats y He has so many forms....everyone has a different perception of god and that should not be difficult to understand if ur a hindu.... sex on the other hand is almost same for all. it completes the want of a bodily need... and its easy to talk about coz its a need...spirituality in the sense of ;god' may or may not be needed.
4.why are we so bored to look at a holy magazine... but so easy to read a playboy magazine?
ANS ...how difficult is that to understand??? coz holy magazines only talk abt their viewpoint...abt thr prophesies and there answers....it does not provide a basis other than faith....well and faith is something that is hard to find...coz people hav faith in the wrong things....i did this wrong so i keep a fast for 15 days and things will be alright....its not a solution its just a way out....
playboy magazines!!! well they are plain fun...they can be giggled, oggled and frowned upon... it generates a reaction....some kind of emotional reaction..its a form of entertainment....just like a fiction...
5.why is it so easy to delete a Godly offline messages ... yet we forward the nasty ones?
ANS coz no matter how many godly msgs are frwrded no one reads them full heartedly...they will be forwarded and then will lie forgotten....we will do the same very things those msgs told us not to do....how many times have U got a msg that tells u to be true to urself and how many times have u been.....even in the very same day....how many times have u been forgiving coz a godly msg told u to be?? well think , truthfully to urself....nasty msgs are forwarded coz u can atleast laugh on them and shrug them away while in office desk....just smile at them and forget them...no harm done
6.Why are temples getting smaller... but yet bars and clubs are growing??
ANS which was the last temple/ church u went to where u dint find hypocricy or money mongering....atleast bars and clubs dont put up a sign board saying "please donate it will go for a good cause" and let it go to their managers pocket....u know exactly y ur paying in a bar or a club...."

the semi automatics

there are times in life that people put u on a platform where they see u in the way they want to see u.... so u make a concious effort to live upto that 'expectation'. and after a while it is no longer an effort... it comes naturally...rather u put urself in a mode that is sort of not to ur soul... it tears u apart but then again it has already become a habit....
a semi automatic of ur life....u see those people and a hug comes in place....not coz u want to hug them..but just that u do anyway.. u kiss them on thr left cheek and right... say " how are u today sweetheart?" sharing a cup of coffee and just searching for new material for the gossip u will share cos there is someone else who will be expecting you to do that...you do ..inspite of urself... coz thats what is expected...coz thats what will make u in there eyes..."good friend"
the orkut profile read "living pretence"
the pretence is not living anymore... it is dead and in place of it comes another thing called weariness. we become weary of our own selves..... trusting no one.....coz u know every face out there is the bloody same.....doing the same thing to you as you are doing to them....every morning u just push a button.....
happy new year to all the people who know that it is new year....may a new begining enlighten us...


p.s. is this what sleeplessness does to you???

im free

...for breaking free..

and im free ....free falling....
'm gonna free fall out into nothin', gonna leave this world for a while.

and so the song goes...tom petty singing this for other reasons

and wierdly i write this wen im actually quite high....high on the best manala cream...on the very best ive ever had...(mr pheonix if u wanna stop at this point and decide to delete my number and my profile from ur phone and orkut account respectively...then i wud suggest u read on)

and i decide to write ....something that i havent been doing for quite a while now......
this perpetual dream is being lived
all the needed smiles are smiled
all the jokes cracked churn out a genuine laughter
and its is this laughter that keeps me alive....
all the love that was needed has been gained.....
and perhaps more than my share
im the most important person in my life
its so good to be single and happening again
sitting pretty much alone in baristathis evening...having my does of the best manala cream found in this world....
a thing ive practically been living on in the last few weeks or maybe months....
actually now that i think of it,it s been years actually....
living on something that has almost taken me over.....
and actually not apparent at all...no one gets to know.....
learnt acting pretty early on in my life...
and it seems im pretty good

or so it seems...

just that its now im getting practically bored with all this high....
all the pent up things are creating too much frustration
things are dying out in my life much sooner than i expected.....
hopes and dreams and the incredible faith.......well the last one died young....
one does not hope to see death this early....

and well like all other drugs i have been adviced by big daddy not to have it too much,.....or if not anything else....not infront o' him
manala cream.......the pretence of it.....drugs i take and others are fooled....