कई दिनों बाद

आज मैं चाहती ही नही जागना।

अपनी इन सोई सी आँखो से,
आज नींद नही चुरानी,
पानी के झपटे नही मारने,
आज उलझे बालों को नही सुलझाना।

कई दिनों बाद आज सपनों ने सहलाया मुझे।

खाली- खाली से कमरे में,
आज तेरे चेहरे को देखा,
ताकते हुए उसी तरह,
जब तू मेरे पास सोया करता था।
मैं आंखें खोलू तो,
एक नर्म सी मुस्कुराहट से चूमता मुझे।
बाँहों में समेट के फ़िर से सो जात था।

आज वही गर्माहट महसूस कर रही हूँ...
जानती हूँ तू सिर्फ़ एक सपना है।
आज यह सपना ही तो नही तोड़ना।

आज कि सुबह नही देखनी है मुझे...
सपने सच करने चली हूँ आज...

the unfortunates in me

the problem with being practical...especially with me....
eh! i guess its not a very what we call an interesting topic....

the introduction
well god has not gifted me with practicality......and particularly he has written me off the "use ur brains while u make ur decision" bit. but umm due to the recent events in my life...specially those of trying to prioritising my career more than anybody who i love...and the final decision to atlast make up my 'mind'

the final outcome of it......and maybe the pros and cons as i see it
thr have been times in the last few weeks wen i have been so damn unthinking that i have ended up telling people what they wudnt have wanted to hear and untill maybe a few months ago i wudnt have wanted to say those things...
things have come to such a position now that i have even started hearing poetry in an objective manner...
i have started analysing critisising as i have never done before.......
so much so that it's been happening even to things that were noticed and ignored before...things that supposedly dint matter before

to me thr is some purpose now....to each thing i say, do, want, ask. thr was another kind of zeal and another kind of depression before which may have died somewhere on the way to where i am now....
that sadness that i was happy with...
it only amazes me how things change...how love is actually a matter of habit...
the more u love that more u want to be in it...
the more u question ...more the questions form....one thing leads to another....way of life???
naah
i say its the games u play...

surprize surprize

here i am after a whole lot has transpired between the times i have blogged and now that im blogging.....
im a bit tired of the glory of god and i seem to be on a " i believe in god but dont trust him anymore" belief.....as meet_me said its a humane feel of god that i get with her.......
when i talk to her i feel as if she is another me living halfway across the world and believe me that doppleganger affect saddens me.......coz i may have understood to live with the fact that im the only one living with my problems but then she is another one.....and that makes me angrier on god....she even reacts to situations like me....atleast thats what i believe.....im sure she is distinctive in many ways ......but the way we react is very similar if not the same.....i guess she knows the reasons.....
i have been talking and discussing about god a lot so a lot of thinking abt him is going on.....a lot of dvaita and advaita conversations have been going on....advaita meaning god having only one form.....that of being formless
and dvaita which means god having different forms that which can be pictured.....
i and my dad have different views but we kind of have a agreement by the fact that it is upon oneself to percieve god..
i guess i have talked abt this before
but now im in this phase of "whether god is not interested in anybody or whether it is only me.....and if it is only me then why so?"

Humane God ?

Why's God so humane ? Why isn't He Godly? Isn't he supposed to be someone who forgives and forgets... and who loves? Does He really love? Or like humans, he has a motive in everything he does? A purpose hidden right where us humans can't see but can feel its existence - exactly like Him.
Hmmm, I didn't like the idea of thinking this way about God. I don't want to think like this. Not that it matters to Him. But I think it would matter to me - making that one supreme thing oblivious to myself. Who's left then to blame? Who's left then to look up to when you know it isn't humans who can help you out?
Are we too demanding? Are we too wanting in our wish to live a decent life like most people around us?
I so wish to be like my dad, who can let his hope for God live no matter what. It's really hard to see positivity in life at times, to see positivity in God's doings for us. How long do you think does it take for God to completely test our faith in Him? An hour? A day? A month? A year? Or a lifetime?