दफ़न

कुछ पुराने गम ख़ुरेद दिए है मैने,
और गमो की लाशों को उठाए चले जा रहे है।

पलकों से अब तो आसूँ भी नही टपकते,
शायद इस प्यासी रूह को इसकी ज़रूरत थी।

आज की सुब और न आए तो क्या?
आज फ़िर वह चान्दनी मे साथ ना बैठे तो क्या?

तेरे हथेली की उन लकीरों मे जो हम अपना नाम ढूँढते है,
वो नाम भी मिट जाए,हमारी किस्मत है।

अब ख्वाहिशें ही और नही उड़ती,
उन सितारों से जड़े आस्मा मे।
अब तेरी मेरी कहानियाँ नही बनती,

लफ़्ज़ सुख गए हैं....शायद आसुओं की आस मे।

और वो लाशें?
वो तो कबके दफ़ना दिए थे...
अब तो बस तस्वीरे रह गई है....
कुछ् परत सी जमी है उन पर,
साफ़ किया तो याद आया...
आसूँ वहीं गिर के सुख गए थे!

just wrote an old poem of my blog......in hindi.....

and somehow it makes more sense...and seriously im a lil too vella...so doing all this

im watching "SLAP HER SHE IS FRENCH"
and i cant laugh.......i really cant
nureens blog hit me hard......i dunno what just happened .....i cant stop crying....stop me some one....................

abode of the devil

"khali dimag ...shaitan ka ghar"

empty head is the abode of the devil(oh my! what a ;literal translation)

the head is empty so are the hands and im really pissed...i have nothin to do...and im feeling too lazy to get up and find some work so that im not bored.......and the devil in my head tells me odd things......funny they are as i know they arent true.......

no one loves me....

no one wud care if i die.....and even if they do, the care will just vanish in a few days......

no one misses me as much as i miss them.......

am i good enough for nift??

am i even good enough for life.....?

will i ever be able do what i want to do......?

why are things not in my hands.....specially my own life....?

my life will suck i know it

i can relly just go and die

i shouldn't wait for anyones cal....specially cause im not not worth all that

(something i dont wanna write)

i live in a make believe world......and wen im practical....life takes its chance to ruin me.......

i am not good at anything.....

and i guess the more im writing the more truths i find in his words........

thr is a lovely smell of wet earth round me.....while im watching the late night shift on channel V and MTV...after hours and graveyard shift .......its a rolling stones number......streets of love......who the hell are "warrants".....this is the first time ive heard them....nice actually.....

the streets of love are already trodden upon............walked and im worn out......not of love .....but of the hurt .......i want my life back to me.....

catchin up

yesterday evening i caught up with a very old class mate...ashish ....and thought that probably this was one guy in my class who i should have been friends with...liked him...
thr was this story ...satyajit rays ...was reminded of that......
i was never a friend sorts who u could hang out with, bunk classes ....im not that kinds even now.....i like my small circuit of friends.....love them, share everything with them .......
coming back to ashish ......well the one thing i distinctly remember about him is .....ashish cheated his chemistry practical exam paper from me....and i admired his guts that he could do that right under the teachers noses.....
well he was like thios joker....always jumping around the class....mostly standing outside coz the homework copies were "left at home" or "lost"
like me ......me also was always out......can't do my homework ever.....wat i never realised was the want to make everyone smile was the reason of all the jokery and the jumping around.....
has it ever happened to u that u caught up with someone in ur school who u really dint have any real friendship with but later wen u talked u felt he was the kinds u should have been friends with.........i felt that way wen i talked to him ...glad i met him .....

पन्ने

कुछ पुरानी यादें ताज़ा हों गईं आज।
दबा के रखी हुई थीं कहीं,
अख़बारों में लपेटी हुई, कुछ भूली बिसरी सी...

आज निकाल के देखा तो थोड़ी धूल सी थी..
साफ़ किया, तो अब भी
कुछ धुन्धले से चेहरे नज़र आते है।
उन होठों पर टिकी हुई हसी,
अब भी खिल-खिला उठती है।

उसका प्यार से मेरे कन्धों पर रखा हुआ हाथ,
अब भी मुझको अपनी तरफ़ खीचता है।

शैतानी से भरी हुई आँखें
जैसे अभी वो मुझे चूम लेगा।

पुरानी तसवीरो, चिट्ठियोँ से भरे हुए बक्से,
टटोला तो कुछ पुरज़े हाथों में ही बिखर गए।
जोड़ने की कोशिश करती हूँ तो और बिखर जाते है।
मुट्ठी भर रेत हो जैसे।

पन्ने मेरी किताब के....
पुरानी तसवीरे, कुछ भीगे हुए खत,
एक सूखा हुआ गुलाब, बसों की टिकटें, खोयी हुई सी मुस्कान....

पुरानी तसवीरे, कुछ भीगे हुए खत,
एक सूखा हुआ गुलाब, बसों की टिकटें, खोयी हुई सी मुस्कान....

Blank 2

nothing absolutely nothing to do
and im bored to death, dont wanna sketch something either...... was just searching for some piks....and got this one.......nice sketch na!!??
ummm i cant think of writing anything......
so dropping it here , gimme a issue to write about ppl

my reply to shadows

She asks:
" who or what is GOD?"

I say:

A faith, that sets things back on track,
A fulfiller of things we lack,
A hope a belief an inspiration,
An icon for adoration.
Someone who holds me when I fall,
Someone who wants to reach out to you and awaits your call
Someone who soothes me when I am perturbed
Someone who makes your sorrows curbed.
I never saw Him or an image of like
But I know he stands like a guide,
Near me, by me, inside me and above
Ever protecting me safely in his cove.

She asks:

"how will u define GOD?"
I answer:

What can be the definition of "All"? "Everything"?
"Everyone"? Or "Whole"?
Doesn't defining limit their vast meaning?
Vast. No not vast - Endless.

She asks:

" what place does he have in ur life?"
I answer:

He has a place
Of the most important best friend, whom I couldn't ever lie, and never felt like it.
Of someone who knows me better than anyone else and guides me all through the path of life.
Of someone whose decision and help I value more than anything else in life.
Of someone who always answers my prayers...Hmm, probably almost always. Who makes the person next door smile when I pray to Him.
Of someone who keeps his hands placed around the candle so that its dimness doesn't get extinguished with time. The candle is that of hope and it is Him who keeps it lit all the time.

dads reply to me ......

" who or what is GOD? : Everything dear to you is god.
OR
"how will u define GOD?" : Perfection

followed by......

" what place does he have in ur life?" : Sometimes I give the credit to myself or blame somebody else but he is behind everything happening in my life and he has a motive.



pik http://www.iskcon.net/peru/galeria_ni%C3%B1o_krishna.htm
Krsna en el bosque

sreyamsa's answer to my mail

GOD IS SOMEONE WHO KEEPS TELLING ME EVERY SINGLE TIME THAT HE IS RIGHT THERE BESIDES ME..........EVEN AS I AM TYPING THIS HE IS HELPING ME OUT AND SMILING AT MY REPLY.

WHENEVER I FACE SOME TROUBLE IN LIFE I FALL BACK ON HIM AND HE IS ALWAYS THERE TO CATCH ME AND PUT MY LIFE BACK ON TRACK...............THIS HAS TAUGHT ME TO SHARE MY BEST TIMES WITH HIM AS WELL........WHY SHOULD WE REMEMBER HIM ONLY WHEN WE ARE FACING TROUBLES????????? IT IS BECAUSE OF HIM THAT WE R HAPPY AND THOSE MOMENTS ARE TO B SHARED WITH HIM AS WELL...(IT MAKES THOSE MOMENTS XTRA SPECIAL)

BELIEVE ME WHEN I SAY THAT HE IS THE ONE WHO HAS TYPED IN THIS WHOLE THING BECAUSE HE WANTS U TO BELIEVE.

KEEP SMILING

GOD & BAIRI


picture....... "Hand of God" by Christel Saylor (after Auguste Rodin) www.sandhands.com 1996 Sculptures

quixotic says...

mukhtalif...matlab???

गीत खुद हि जुडने लगेगा गुनगुनाके देख..II

गम का दम घुटने लगेगा मुस्कुराके देख..II

दिल भी हंसेगा, खुद ब खुद लब भि साथ देंगेII

बस इक दो कदम चल, तु मेरे पास आके देख...IIII

-the mukhtalif mani

he is a friend in orkut....writes well...

and well other than that i dont know much about him.

just felt like smiling......but i dunno who i need to walk to.....too many destinations......

50 secrets???? tagging all the people who read this

1. Were you named after anyone? nope
2. Do you wish on stars? when i miss my best friend
3. When did you last cry? yesterday morning
4. Do you like your handwriting?ummm.....pretty much
5. What is your favourite meat? sam making it ...even the smell is heavenly
6. What is your most embarrassing CD on your shelf? gujrat promotion CD
7. If you were another person, would YOU be friends with you? y not?
8.Are you a daredevil? obviously.....can't survive without dares, infact god dared me to live...hence
9. How do you release anger? mmmm...hurting myself....or crying uncntrollably......or hugging someone real tight
10. Where is your second home? my roof
11. Do you trust others easily? now......no
12. What was your favourite toy as a child?my doll...never played with it though
13. What class in school/college do you think is totally useless?wood workshop....and geometry.....eeeeek
14. Do you use sarcasm a lot?sometimes....
15. Have you ever been in a mosh pit? always thr.....
16. What do you look for in a guy/girl? loads of love......and honesty respect
17. Would you bungee jump? I wud love to.....wish i could afford it
18. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? oops! never
19. What's your favourite ice cream? butter scotch(:Deeeeeeeeeee)
20. What are your favourite colours? Black and red and purple
21. What are your least favourite things? bitches....stinking rich bitches
22. How many people do you have a crush on right now? "i am in love"
23. Who do you miss most right now?ashrit......i need him .....missing not allowed
24. What are you listening to right now?love of a lifetime-firehouse
25. If you were a crayon, what colour would you be? purple
26. What is the weather like right now?warm.......but writing so doesnt matter
27. Last person you talked to on the phone?chayan da(family friend wishing me luck)
28. The "first" thing you notice about the opposite sex?amicability......
29. Do you like the person who sent you this?obviously......its angel
30. How are you today?tensed.....yet content......worried about sucharita
31. Favourite non alcoholic drink? blue lagoon
32. Favourite alcoholic drink? red wine
33. Natural hair colour? brown.
34. Eye colour? Brown
35. Wear contacts? Nope.
36. Siblings? younger bro
37. Favourite month? feb
38. Favourite food? wouldnt know.....love cooking....so no favs.
39. Favourite day of the year?12 feb
40. Have you ever been too shy to ask someone out? yeah
41. Scary movies or happy endings? neither
42. Summer or winter? winter for sure
43. Holi or Diwali? Holi
44. Do you like your name? fairly
45. What book/magazine are you reading?The Last Exit - nirmal verma
46. What's on your mouse pad? mouse.....??

47. What did you watch on TV last night? friends
48. Favourite Smell? Smell of his skin.
49. Have you ever regretted breaking up with someone?not at all .....i m glad i did......i wud have ruined my life otherwise
50. Most tiresome thing you’ve ever experienced/done? nift makes u forget everything........all the tired instances.......

quixotic says...

"I've read somewhere that growing up consists of walking alone in darkness: you scream but no footsteps hurry to your door, no one comes from the next room - it always remains empty. See how I've grown up !"

"...Tell me how it is that news of an earthquake or bombardment is splashed across newspapers and everyone knows next morning about the heap of rubble in place of the school building and about the dust blowin over erstwhile ruins. Yet when something like this hapens to a person no one suspects it."

"A Splinter Of Sun"

a collection of short stories-"The Last Exit"

author -Nirmal Verma

[translation from hindi (kavve aur kala pani) by kuldip singh]

i never got to scream......did i grow up too soon? i still want to be heard.

love u.... hate u....

My dear maddie,

why cant we be as simple as an illiterate man (untouched by the curse of "KNOWLEDGE) and percieve GOD as an all encompassing embodiment of love and compassion. That will solve most of our problem (dilemna). When we pray to god to have him in fact what we try is to achieve godhood ie acquire love and compassion for everything including NIFTians and A******* and M**** Dont they have a right to get it?

Papa

it was a reply sent to me after i sent my dad a poem.....

GOD as an all encompassing embodiment of love and compassion....and yet at times it seems that he becomes veangeful doubting god....he needs to check. or do i myself do that?

i dont know, there are too many situations that i never could have got into but he made me get into it. outta the blue....there are times when i couldnt have got into any situation but he got me into it....for what? for making me stronger?...has it not shattered me more than powered me with more faith?

i have always tried to love everyone around me .....even those i hate ......even those i cannot forgive...but then i keep that behind and try and see the love .....can't .....i then say to myself that i can't hate ....god has not made me for it ....so hating i can't but the loving too i can't ...i try to stay impassive.....and yet again this entry is about "I" "I" "I"......

intezaar

this is the ghazal i was talking ABOUT .......written for my first love....
well still means a lot ...waiting ......pheebee

किसी की याद में, मन का समा ज़रा सा, थम जाए।
जी चाह्ता है कि ये दिल ज़रा सहम जाये।


ऑखों ने कहा तुझको देखूँ हर पल,
सच कहो ये कहीं तो प्यार नही।
राह देखती है ये मेरी नज़र,
ज़िन्दगी भर करूँ इंतेज़ार सही।
मिलने के हमारे वो लम्हें आये,
और ये समा ज़रा सा थम जाये।


कड़ी दर कड़ी जोड़ता है ये लम्हा,
तोड़ता है तो बस ये हसीन सपना,
केहता है हम बने हमसाये,
और ये समा ज़रा स थम जाये।...
किसी की याद में.....