quixotic says....

two more poems to write....

"who is more insane .....? me or that woman standing in the corner wild and quite?"

"why does apsy feel blue wen she has all the love in the world?"

and ....."then why does my past scare me so much that it's difficult to breathe?"

" how do u overcome a fear when u can never face it again? the fear lives within u and catches u only wen it knows it can scare you..."

quixotic says too much!

wishingwel

best wishes blessed by many.....
sitting here middle of the night thinking , another year one by....
full of madness....more unhappiness than any other that i can remember...and possibly of more selfishness than aparna could ever have ....

"humein itna pyar na karo,

ke hum mar jaye .....

humein itna tanha ...na karo ,

ke jee na paye"

-jal

realised i can't live without love.....found some people very close to me.....but also never felt more lonely...never felt more in need of love .....of unasked for love.....

never have felt this lost and pained for anyone.....never thought life would bring such miracles back...... never thought i would be so angry on god....never knew love would show me this day too!

dont know what gave me the strength to go through all this and take on so much more....

i somehow always feel very lonely on his day...and feeling the same today .... smiling and thinking why ? why was i ever born?

why this misery ? ......anyway too many nevers and whys hovering in my mind right now!

those three words

thre divine words to people in love...
its so amazing that it is those very words that make love happen ......
"i love you"

so many times we just say it in the spur of a strong emotion.......
and yet has it ever got tears to ur eyes?
it was among those magical moments wen i couldn't speak or even think of speaking anything.....
all that happened was i fell mute......got lost on a long suppressed ecstacy......
i thought i would best just die just then...never would lose this moment again......after two long months i heard a unasked for "love you"
all those moments of dreams which had come true just floated back .......
the moments of laughter and sadness that we faced together ......doors which i had forcefully closed oened wide.....doors of hope .....of a love everlasting....of a person who i can fall in love with all over again every morning wen i see his beautiful eyes sleepily looking at me....
all those kisses which would be light and naughty ....hidden from all eyes..... and that warmth of his hand that i would blow on when he felt too hot.....his amazing cooked food.....his pestering for me to "shut up"...or "walk fast" ... or just his angry "cant u just sleep?"...or his other love (his guitar) or his childish mumble wen he is asleep ...or his baby face wen he wants something for his guitar.......or his excitment of meeting a new person he really liked at first go! or even his new t shirt ...... or just the way he scolds me wen i keep the room dirty ....and his sense of humour...and just the way he cares for me...or even just the way he loves me so much
the list is never ending......
the love is.....all just inside me...now even if he is lying ....(which cant be true) he has given me enough .....(sometimes i think more than i deserve)

those eyes

सुरमयी अंखियों में नींद ही तो नही आती।
बस देखती रेहती हैं,तकती रेहती हैं राहें...
कि सपना अब आयेगा की तब आयेगा।
अब उसकी याद ने दस्तक देना छोड़ दिया है....
अब तो बस आँधी सी आती है
और दरवाज़ा, खिड़किया सब उड़के चले जाते है
किसी और समय में....किसी और युग में
जहाँ मेरा प्यार ही उसका जहान था।
मेरे शब्द उस्की प्यास बुझाते थे.

मेरी और उसकी कहानी एक थी।

अब आँखे नींद से बन्द भी होती आए,
तो कुछ छुपे आँसू छलका जाते है...
सिमट के अभी भी होटों को छूते है और कहते है
"अब जीने से डर लगता है,
काश तेरे इन पंखुरियोँ में मैं सुख जाऊँ,
तो आँखें सो जये चैन से..."

waiting on as always

what am i waiting for?
what exactly?
for a love that has ceased to be mine?.........

tarasta hoon....

कहीं खयालों खोई हुई है तु
और उन खोई हुई आंखों में
मेरा प्यार ढूंड रहा हूं।
अपने में ही कुछ बोलती है,
और हस देती है।
फ़िर उसी हसीं में ही तेरे आसू भी छलक आते है।

तु मुझे गगन में खोजती है,
मैं तेरी देहलीज़ पे बैठा हूं।

अकेले तो बैठी है तु,
पर मेरी नज़र तेरे साथ है।
पर्दे की आढ़ से तुझे देख रहा हूं।
इतने दिनो बाद तेरी आँखों में,
वो प्यार देखा जिसे
देखने को तरस गया था।

गगन से सिर्फ़ तेरे लिये ही तो उतरा हूं,
तारो से लड़ा,
तेरे नर्म कापते होटों के खातिर।
तेरी ज़ुल्फ़ों की उलझन को जो सुलझना था।
तेरी पलकों पे रुके हुए आँसू अब बस टपकने वाले है।
उन्हे हथेली में सहेज लेना है।

ये एक ही रात की दूरी,
तुझे कितना पास ले आई मेरे,
कि अब तेरी सांसें मेरे होँठ छू जाती हैं।
तेरी आँखें बन्द है अभी भी,
और तेरी खुशबू समाई है।
यह जुदाई भी रास है मुझे।

pehchaan

दिल की पर्छाई का पीछा करते करते,
गर दिल के करीब हम पहुचें,
तो उस पल की याद में,
हर पल हम भुलादें॥

अगर जान लें की दिल आखिर क्या चाह्ता है,
उस चाहत की खोज में,
अपनें कदम उधर घुमा लें॥

आशियाने की छांव से, क्षितिज के अन्त तक,
हर दोराहे पर अपने दिल से करे सवाल,
कि किधर का रुख लें?
-उसी रुख पर अपने को आगे बढ़ा लें॥

दिल की देहलीज़ पर दिए आशाओं के,
गर कभी तुफ़ानों से लड़े,
ऐ काश के वो बुझ ना पाए,
न वो इस दिल को रुला दे॥

हर सपना, हर अकांक्षा,
सिर्फ़ और सिर्फ़ एक मन्ज़िल दिखाए,
- वो हमें हमारे दिल से मिला दे॥

फ़िर जब हम,
दिल की परछाई का पीछा कर,
दिल के करीब आ पहुचे,
तो उस पल की याद में,
हर पल हम भुला दे॥

this was a poem i had written in the year 2001 ....
was busy searching for who i want to be ......who i want to love , what i want in life ....
that was the time wen life never seemed right...that was the time things were going haywire....
that was the time i lost everything ....and yet .... i still keep losing everything i have now !
history repeats itself too often....doesnt it?

thats more like it

What Famous Leader Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

well i idolise che guevera for more reasons than one!
one of them would be ....that i was born to defy the norms of the soceity